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The first thing any self-respecting homosexual does, after choosing an outfit and tarting
up a Second Life avatar (complete with no-crunch abs and a Flock-of-Seagulls hairdo), is head to a bathhouse. Thanks to the realism of modern role playing,
our fantasy lives are now full of the same poor choices and fraught with the
same anxieties as our waking life.
At the
Roman Baths [Bonaventure 166, 87, 21] we encountered a buff collection of pixels sporting
an enormous schlong; after taking one look at us he went on his merry way
without a word. Getting dismissed
virtually is just as painful... was it our hair? Our carefully selected muscle proportions? No. Turns out our man-about-town wasn't equipped
with a dick at all, just a Ken-doll-like bump. In the Wild West economy of
Second Life, however, everything has a price. If we were going to get virtually
laid, we'd need to head to the Tristar Gay Sex Club [Glenboon 19, 161, 501]
with a quick stop on the way at that most essential of sex-enabling virtual retailers (wait for it…): The Woody Store
[Spangle 89, 132, 441].
For 800 Linden
dollars (the currency of Second Life is pegged to the greenback at 250 Lindens
to a dollar, though you can probably get more with a Loonie), the Woody Store sells
virtually functioning penis attachments, complete with customizing color
palette, choices of shaved or unshaved, and settings for "Hard,"
"Med," and "Soft," as well as buttons to make it cum
and pee. More businesses of this sort will
probably abound, offering bigger and better penises for bigger and better
prices, but at least in Second Life you can rest assured: everyone has a big
cock and they're all basically strap-ons.
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