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When GayVN-winning director Jett Blakk sent us the porno How To Seduce A Straight Man, we were curious if we could use it to replicate his success. Three black eyes later, we filed suit against the director. Turns out, we were doing it all wrong. As part of his settlement, Jett Blakk agreed to give us actual tips for seducing straight men. While courage, both liquid and otherwise, is in involved in these recipes, we have to say they work better than the penis in the popcorn trick that nearly resulted in a situation that would have required Romaine Patterson to save us.
Jett Blakk's Tips for Seducing A Straight Man
Tip #1: Get Them Drunk
This is the most
obvious one, but finally, even science has proven what we’ve always
known:namely, that when alcohol
strips away a guy’s inhibitions, he’s more likely to give in to his
repressed urges and afraid-to-act-on curiosities, and the boys love their
beer.But it’s a fine line.Too much alcohol, and they might not be
able to get a boner.WAY too much,
and they might pass out before you can get your mouth on their dicks.And remember, fucking an unconscious
drunk is technically rape.Of
course, you can always blame his painful, swollen asshole on some bad
yeast in the brewsky.
Important Note:Alcohol will usually add to the success of
the following plans.
Tip #2: Make It A Game
Straight men are
generally competitive.They like to
win games and hate losing.After a
few beers, initiate a game of Truth or Dare.It’s the unwitting straight man who
chooses a Dare from a gay man.And
if they balk, usually a bit of chiding will get them to follow
through.Just remember:baby steps.If your target chooses “Dare” and you
dare him to blow you, he will probably be out the door within five
minutes.Start slow.Dare him to show you his dick.Next time, dare him to kiss you for 10
seconds.Build up from there.And keep the booze flowing.
Tip #3: Make It A Bet
This plays as an
extension of #2.Next to believing
they know how to satisfy women, straight men believe keeping a bet is a
badge of manhood.Is he a football
fan?Get him heated talking about
his favorite team and whether they will win their next game.Bet him something sexual on the
outcome.I have a straight friend
that loved playing pinball.In a
(straight) bar one night, he invited me to play.Now, I was a pretty good p-ball player
myself, but he didn’t know that.After a couple of games where the score was evenly matched, I bet
him a blow job (loser blew the winner) on the outcome of the next
game.I figured either way, I
couldn’t really lose.And I
didn’t.He joked around afterward
that he’d been joking when he accepted, and I told him that I hadn’t, and
that if he had won, I would have paid off.If he didn’t, he’d be a welcher (they hate that), and three beers
later, in the back seat of my car parked on a dark Chicago street, he paid off on the bet.
Tip #4: Make Them Prove It
Take
advantage of their naivete/stupidity.I know it’s hard to believe, but the following scenario actually
happened!When I was in film
school, I was in the closet and had an attractive dorm mate with a big
dick.The guy was an obnoxious
homophobe and honestly, not very bright, and soon picked up on my gay etat d’etre.By the middle of the semester, he was
constantly accusing me of being gay.I refused to say that I wasn’t, which only fuelled this obsession
of his.One weekend night, after
splitting a bottle of wine, he began again, telling me he knew I was gay,
and I should just admit it.Finally, I had had enough and decided to settle this once and for
all.
I told him that there was only one way to prove whether or
not I was gay.He had to suck my cock
for five minutes.If I got a hard-on, I
was gay.If not, I wasn’t.To my amazement, three minutes later, he was
wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, shouting, “You ARE!”
One minute later, he was back on it.And he was on it several more times over the
next three weeks.
Tip #5: Tell Them Guys Do It Better Tell
them gay guys do it better.Straight guys are naturally curious about gay sex.As much as they may say it repulses
them, at some point, they WILL try to suck their own cocks, lick their own
nipples or play with their own buttholes.Now, a lot of women think cocksucking is nasty and refuse to do
it.This drives straight men crazy,
as getting a blowjob jostles for position with fucking as being their
favorite thing.If a straight man
tells you about his frustration with his girlfriend not giving head or
putting out, this is your opportunity.Tell him about how gay men are better in bed because:
--Our
mouths are bigger and we can take more dick inside when we suck.
--Being
guys, we know what feels good better than women.Our tongues hit all the right places.
--Our
assholes are tighter than a woman’s pussy (Tory Mason cannot use this
line).
--We
won’t look at you funny if you want us to suck your nipples or finger
your ass.
--We
have cocks that, if pushed into your butts, will stimulate your prostate
gland.Women can’t do this without
dildos, and you know they aren’t going into the sex shop to buy one.Will YOU?All right, then.Bend over.
And there are the following added perks:
--Being
men, we’re horny all the time and always ready for action.
--We
welcome booty calls.
--You
don’t have to take us to dinner or buy us flowers.
--We’re
more adventurous and will do all the things that your wife/girlfriend
won’t but you fantasize about:sucking your cock on the subway, in a public restroom, at the movies
or while driving.
Tip #6: Look for the Opportunity Be
aware of signals.Some straight men
want to have sex with you, but don’t know how or are afraid to initiate
it.Therefore, they are apt to try
some sly ways to make you aware of this.Well, what they consider sly:lots of yawning and stretching but making no attempt to leave;
groping themselves, fidgeting and saying how horny they are and asking you
questions about gay sex.Any one of
those is a possible sign, any two is a pretty clear shot and if all three
occur, start stretching your throat muscles.It’s showtime!
A straight friend of mine came over and we began talking
about sex.The subject of dick size came
up, and he claimed he had never measured his dick before.CLUE!He also kept going to the bathroom, and upon returning would say, “It’s
hard to take a piss with a hard-on.”CLUE!Opportunity does knock, so
be sure you’re ready to answer.
Tip #7: Get Them Worked Up
Get
them worked up.Straight guys love
to talk about sex.Share your
adventures with them (especially with any women you’ve had, but if you
talk gay stuff, keep the details to a minimum unless they ask).Invest in bi porn and leave it out with
your gay stuff.All men are easily
stimulated.Once a straight guy’s
eyes fix on nudity, he develops tunnel vision.I had a married buddy I was interested
in seducing, so I bought a bi porno and left them out with a couple of my
gay titles.The next time he came
over, he saw it and said he’d never seen a bi movie before, could we watch
some of it?I agreed, and after it
was over, he asked me to put in another.I professed that I all I had left was gay porn, to which he
replied, “I don’t care!Just put
something in!”I put in the hottest
vanilla gay porn I had, and within the hour, we were re-enacting what was
on television.
Tip #8: Convince Them It Doesn't Matter Memorize
this line:“Having sex with another
man doesn’t mean you’re gay, just that you’re curious.”This may alleviate some of his fears and
that’s just another wall pulled down.Telling him you’ve had sex with women (whether you have or not) may
go a long way, too.
Now, some things you need to know before you try the above
techniques:
Chances
are the encounter will be strictly oral.Straight men may fantasize about bottoming, but their assholes are
very private territory, and you probably won’t get in there the first
go-round.But if he keeps coming
back, he will become more comfortable with what you are doing to him, and
he will become more open to all of his fantasies.It took a year for me to get into the
hole of the guy I mentioned in #7 above, but once I started fucking him,
that’s all he wanted to do.If this
becomes a regular thing, the list of activities he will indulge in will
generally run this course:I.You sucking him.II.Him sucking you.III.69ing/kissing.IV.You rimming him.V.Him fucking you.VI.You fucking him.VII.You fucking him.VIII.You fucking him.
I think that when straight men
enjoy getting fucked, it’s because in their relationships, they are expected to
be in charge and to be the dominant partner.When they are bottoming for another man, they get a wanted break from
this and can enjoy being the submissive person for a while.
If VI. occurs, you will have to
instruct him on sexual cleanliness.Don’t be surprised if your first time topping him results in some mess,
just have the foresight not to fuck him on your $300 Egyptian linen
sheets.Don’t make a big deal of
it.Just help him understand what
preparations are necessary on his part.This goes for the other end, as well, as a straight man may try to bite
off more than he can chew and aggressively deep throat you, kicking in his gag
reflex.
Butch
it up.With very few exceptions,
straight men will be more attracted to a like-acting buddy than “The
Countess”.After all, if they
wanted to be fucking something feminine, they’d be screwing their
girlfriends.Learn a few things
about sports or cars or Adam Sandler movies (not CHUCK AND LARRY) so you can hold a conversation.Or ask them questions and listen
earnestly to what they say.This
can take you a long way towards your goal.
Don’t
be offended if a straight guy nervously asks you about your health
status.To a lot of them, HIV/AIDS
is primarily a “gay thing.”Be
honest and if he doesn’t like what he hears, fine.I know a hard dick has no conscience,
but another person’s health and peace of mind has to take priority over
your stiffy.
Finally,
Lust vs. Loss.Keep in mind that
these techniques are not foolproof, and that no matter how much a straight
man drinks, he will sober up.No
matter how horny he is, he will eventually go soft.No matter how receptive he seems, he
does have limits.This leads us to
the downside of seducing the unattainable straight guy:The Morning After.
Some of these guys will be fine.They’ll have no problem with what they did
and may even look forward to hooking up again.But then there will be those that wake up, sober up or after cumming, go
“What the fuck did I just do?”At this
point, they may begin questioning their sexuality, which may lead to gay
panic.If that happens, they may
consider their dilemma to be YOUR fault.“You did this to me!”“I’ve never
done anything like that before.”“I like
women!You just took advantage of me
while I was drunk!”
Be especially careful at this time.The sexually-confused, guilt-ridden straight
man may react violently here.Just try
to be reassuring that he hasn’t changed, that he is still the same person that
he was, and that experimenting with one’s sexuality is normal and healthy.Even if he leaves in an upset state, chances
are good that the next time he gets horny and poon is unavailable, he will come
back for more.However, the reaction
afterward will probably be the same.
But know this:once
you seduce a straight man, your relationship with him is changed forever.Whether it brings you closer as friends or
whether it drives him from your life, things will never be the same.So, as a last piece of wisdom imparted to you
from me, before you attempt to get a straight man into your bed, ask yourself if you'll be
okay if you lose him as a friend?If
not, perhaps it’s best to keep Trigger in the corral and your friend as a pal,
not a lover.
Jeez...the attacks on Chi Chi LaRue have already started. I know she uses gay for pay guys, but she is the face of the gay porn industry, and not deserving of such disrespect. Do your hating somewhere else, "Becky".
Madam Bovine said:
These tips are hilarious! I'm going to have to try some of them!
Grand Marshall Brian said:
These are really funny sexy and insightful. The best article on the Sword so far!
Brian
Pee Diddy said:
Oh, god. I snorted hot coffee through my nose when I read these. My cubicle buddy said it sprayed him over the wall and stained his shirt. Damn you, Jett Blakk!
donthateparticipate said:
hahahahahahahahahaah
Cock_Chrissy said:
LEAVE TORY MASON ALONE!
Newbie Hughbie said:
HE'S GIVEN SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU!
LEAVE TORY MASON ALONE, YOU BASTARDS!!
weep weep weep
If it's a tip that's coming from Jett Blakk...use it...he's gotten me laid a bunch of times!!!
Kirk said:
tips number 1 and 5 have worked for me before. booze is the magic potion.
MP said:
Thanks for the tips, Jett! LOVE THEM (your movies, too)! Can't wait to try them out this weekend. Hey... an idea. You should do follow ups to this awesome article, like - How To Seduce A Straight Man: AT THE GYM, or How To Seduce A Straight Man: AT BEST BUY.
Uh-oh, all this straight talk has got me boned. Have to take care of it!
LATER!!!
MP said:
Thanks for the tips, Jett! LOVE THEM (your movies, too)! Can't wait to try them out this weekend. Hey... an idea. You should do follow ups to this awesome article, like - How To Seduce A Straight Man: AT THE GYM, or How To Seduce A Straight Man: AT BEST BUY.
Uh-oh, all this straight talk has got me boned. Have to take care of it!
LATER!!!
Salami Joe said:
OMG, I JUST found this. Damn funny. Mr. Blakk has it right on the money!!!! Love him!!
Jeez...the attacks on Chi Chi LaRue have already started. I know she uses gay for pay guys, but she is the face of the gay porn industry, and not deserving of such disrespect. Do your hating somewhere else, "Becky".
These tips are hilarious! I'm going to have to try some of them!
These are really funny sexy and insightful. The best article on the Sword so far!
Brian
Oh, god. I snorted hot coffee through my nose when I read these. My cubicle buddy said it sprayed him over the wall and stained his shirt. Damn you, Jett Blakk!
hahahahahahahahahaah
LEAVE TORY MASON ALONE!
HE'S GIVEN SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU!
LEAVE TORY MASON ALONE, YOU BASTARDS!!
weep weep weep
If it's a tip that's coming from Jett Blakk...use it...he's gotten me laid a bunch of times!!!
tips number 1 and 5 have worked for me before. booze is the magic potion.
Thanks for the tips, Jett! LOVE THEM (your movies, too)! Can't wait to try them out this weekend. Hey... an idea. You should do follow ups to this awesome article, like - How To Seduce A Straight Man: AT THE GYM, or How To Seduce A Straight Man: AT BEST BUY.
Uh-oh, all this straight talk has got me boned. Have to take care of it!
LATER!!!
Thanks for the tips, Jett! LOVE THEM (your movies, too)! Can't wait to try them out this weekend. Hey... an idea. You should do follow ups to this awesome article, like - How To Seduce A Straight Man: AT THE GYM, or How To Seduce A Straight Man: AT BEST BUY.
Uh-oh, all this straight talk has got me boned. Have to take care of it!
LATER!!!
OMG, I JUST found this. Damn funny. Mr. Blakk has it right on the money!!!! Love him!!
I love your names. I lol'd