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Written by patrik
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Wednesday, 12 March 2008 12:09 |
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Flagship chronicle of all things crucial and totally true, In Touch Weekly, reports in its issue hitting newsstands today that our favorite gay-vague TV persona—okay, our second favorite—Ryan Seacrest is dating fellow E!-tard Holly Huddleston of reality program Sunset Tan (more well-known as one half of the show's "Olly Girls"). While this reportage wreaks of convenience and is rife with PR orchestration, we can't help but wonder: what if Ryan Seacrest really is an actual straight man? Not only does this news come out of the clear blue marketing offices of E! Entertainment Television, slapping us in the face like a big pair of boobs, but also conveniently, there are other recent developments that point to his straighthood as well. For example, when asked point blank by Perez Hilton whether or not he's a 'mo on his radio program, Ryan denied the gay rumor and claimed he'd recently been with a woman for twelve entire hours. Not only this, but In Touch also spoke to Ryan's ex-girlfriend who confirmed that he is, indeed, straight.
So if Ryan Seacrest is straight, that means that our gaydar is wrong. If we can't trust our gaydar, then that means we can't trust anything. If we're wrong about this, maybe we're wrong about everything. Therefore, if this is true, we don't believe in anything anymore and there is no such thing as God. Also, if Ryan is straight then Simon has a lot of sophomoric gay-baiting to answer for, and he should probably answer first, to Janet Jackson.
RELATED:
Ryan Seacrest’s Newest ‘Girlfriend’ Happens to Appear on a Network He’s in the Business of Promoting (Jossip);
Showmance??? (Perez Hilton);
Ryan Seacrest's Dating Sunset Tan Star (In Touch Weekly)
EARLIER:
Cosmo, Girl? The New Gay Minstrelsy;
Blogs Breathlessly Await Anderson Cooper's Outing, Mine Web for Anecdotes in the Meantime
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