A 7-Day Pre-White Party Planner

GC-WhitePartyFiremenTH.jpgYou're a fortysomething dermatologist living in La Jolla and your much younger boy toy recently dumped you for a porn star. You just got your teeth bonded and your pec implants lifted, and you're in no mood to spend next weekend alone with your Shih-Tzu, Lucy Liu. Your bois are heading to Palm Springs and you've got a hot, very tan body to show off! Just for you, The Sword has created this seven-day planner so that you can make sure you don't forget anything before heading to Jeffrey Sanker's White Party '08.








Saturday, April 12
  • Pre-event drinks with bois to decide about outfits: slutty sheep or slutty firemen?
  • Buy helium, Red Bull and dandelions for HyperCleanse; begin HyperCleanse.
  • Workout: lower body

WhitePartyDancer.jpgSunday, April 13   
  • Change MySpace age to 39.
  • Cruise Facebook "White Party" group.
  • Workout: chest, abs, arms

Monday, April 14
  • Change Manhunt age to 34. Add "vers" to profile.
  • File/Wax/Tweeze/Bleach
  • Donate final $100 to Hillary.
  • Cardio, cardio, cardio

Tuesday, April 15   
  • Call storage to pick-up angel wings
  • Call pharmacy for meds
  • Call trainer for last-minute intensive
  • Call dealer for sense of self-worth.
             
Wednesday, April 16 
  • Re-record out-of-office greeting with "Ray of Light" playing in background
  • Do full thirty at Sun-sations
  • Calculate body fat. Cry.
  • Review Drug Interaction Guide

Thursday, April 17
  • Add flight and hotel information to BigMuscle.com profile.
  • Bubble wrap autographed Taylor Dayne picture for use as possible date lure.
  • Pack false-bottomed Viva Glam lipstick "container"
  • Board Lucy Liu at Barkly Pet Spa
  • Watch "Enchanted" one last time while applying Strivectin-SD.
  • Faint. Begin transition back to solid food.
           
Friday, April 18
  • Enjoy last hour of sleep until Monday.
  • Watch "Soulja Boy" instructional video on iPhone.
  • Hope that DynaDouche doesn't lead to TSA search.

photos courtesy of JeffreySanker.com


RELATED:
Jeffrey Sanker Declares Silver Slimming, But Will Still Dye Hair
Leather-y Daddies to Feed on Tory Mason's Supple Flesh at White Party
Trailer: When Boys Fly
The White Party '08




by jay on April 10, 2008 11:17 AM | save to del.icio.us | digg it | facebook it | Comments (0)

 

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