Red, White and Blew: 10 Porn Titles That Will Make You Renounce Your Citizenship

IN-PatrioticPornTH.jpgHistorically, the 4th of July has meant drunk rednecks, Ford trucks and Chinese firecrackers. For us, however, the 4th has been all about hiding in the bushes masturbating while the older kids skinny dipped and, more recently, passing out after an afternoon of high-fructose pasta salad, imported beer and hash brownies. Once again, we look to porn to help us parse the multiple signifiers of this grand American tradition.















IN-american-made.jpgAmerican Made
This must have been when the dollar was stronger. If it were produced now, there'd be a whole city in the Zhejiang Province dedicated solely to the manufacture of unshorn gay-for-pay hunks.

















IN-Historic-Affairs.jpgPaul Baressi's Historic Affairs
If you show us a costume drama, I swear we will find SOME WAY to include it in a list like this. The fact that this one includes a man wearing a colonial tricorne and a shirtless white injun means our date with destiny has already begun.















IN-american-lover.jpgAmerican Lover
Does porn always have to be so damned uncreative? Would Love, American Style taken that much more effort?
















IN-spread-eagles.jpgSpread Eagles
Granted, David Bowie's sister is on the cover, and doesn't look particularly patriotic (it bills itself as "a Fellini-esque, psychedelic, kaleidoscope fantasy"), but it does reference our national symbol obliquely and, hey, at least they skipped the "bald" part.
















IN-all-american-beauties-crop.jpgPhil St. John's All American Beauties
If fuzzy-hat wearing, double-penetration-loving Phil St. John is selling, we're buying. Plus, in the third scene a guy sticks and orchid stem in his pee-hole, which is just the sort of thing we could imagine trying after seventeen little bottles of Lynchburg Lemonade.
 

















a-few-good-men.jpgA Few Good Men
There are actually two porn movies named this, but only this one had a cracked out twink wearing a pie tin.


















IN-FleetWeek.jpgFleet Week
This probably refers to the enema brand and not the temporary colonization of cities like San Francisco and New York, but if Falcon could get Erik Rhodes to stand-up long enough to shoot this, then we'll shoot off a few fireworks in support.












 


IN-Red-White-and-Blew.jpgRed White and Blew
I geddit! I geddit! Blew! Three cheers, as they say in the song.




















IN-Florida-Erection.jpgFlorida Erection
Can you think of something less sexy than Al Gore whining through our long national nightmare? Aside from Cindy McCain in a negligee, neither could we. That said, if you show me a muscles, flags and a hairy bush, I'll salute.















 

IN-a-few-good-men.jpgBottom of the 9th: Little Big League Three
Just be thankful we spared you any sexy references to Mom and apple pie. Because the options are there.




















RELATED:
Race? It's A Riot With These Delightfully Offensive Porn Titles
Great Theorists Discuss Today's Porn Titles: Titan's Telescope (2008)



by mike on July 2, 2008 5:52 PM | save to del.icio.us | digg it | facebook it | Comments (0)

 

Leave a comment



 

0 TrackBacks

Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: Red, White and Blew: 10 Porn Titles That Will Make You Renounce Your Citizenship.

TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.thesword.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/3440