Party with some of the year's best-loved rentboys. Try to fuck them, and when you realize you're too poor to pay and too ugly to get it for free, drink! Free.
Yes, from certain angles this bar feels like it was willed into existence by Jesus Christ: give us your loners, your drunks, your trolls! What keeps us coming back is that there are always a handful of A-list hotties lurking about.
Fridays are the one night when it's acceptable to venture into Eleven, an otherwise totally lame club. The pretty boys give in to the "OMG It's Friday night!" vibe and DJ Morningstar spins all the right tunes.
Suppositori presides over porn star go-gos from Cockyboys and rentboy.com. $8
Juicy @ Vlada
331 W 51st Street
11PM
Saturdays are 'Juicy' -- and moist, and soaked in alcohol -- at Vlada, with DJ Corey Craig presiding over all the boys who are doing their best to bop their heads and give off a confident vibe while silently dying of insecurity on the inside. Go on, buy someone a drink.
Cherry Pop @ Ultra Suede
661 N Robertson
9PM - 6AM
It's the only after-hours in West Hollywood, so expect the usual WeHo cornucopia of trainers who are really models, retail queens who are really aspiring set-dressers and former models who are now graphic designers all dancing to Rihanna and drinking Ketel sodas, splash of cran.
Akbar offers a crowded, chatty scene. In order to avoid mingling with regrettable one-night stands, the boys elbow the pushy lezbots aside and take to the dance floor, which is arguably the most reckless, least judgmental dance floor in L.A.
The promoters describe it as "the hottest Saturday night in SOMA." And you know what? We agree. Just don't forget to moisturize your nipples before heading over.
Asylum @ 40C
40 Avenue C
10PM
A cadre of downtown cool kids rule this party, including Cazwell, Amanda Lepore, Michael Formika Jones, Michael T, Miss Guy and Philippe Blonde--and the music's usually good. Myspace Caz if you want on the list. $5-$10.
Get your yuletide on with a slutty Santa and hungry go-gos. Now featuring valet! But only if your car's upholstery is made out of rubber or latex. Kidding.
Spaz puts on a spas-tastic show, usually featuring a semi-obscure tribute to a musical act, and sometimes featuring her performing her way right out into the traffic on Folsom Street.
You didn't work out at all this week, so make up for it by drinking efficiently at the Beer Blast from 1 - 9. Then, dance into the naughty night with DJ MK in the dirty basement.
Put your alcoholism to some good use for once: not only does $10 get you a bottomless cup in a sea of bottoms, but also The Eagle donates the proceeds to a different charity each week.
Make sure to buff your business cards before heading out. This place is cruisier than its chic decor lets on, and you never know when a come-hither handshake might lead to a one-night stand with a theatre queen. (Mamma Mia's around the corner.)
The long, narrow patio here at Here makes for some good people-watching, but it rarely turns into people-meeting; snobbiness has never smelled so much like fear. It's a West Hollywood signature, though, and the boys are hot, so give it a try before you too decide you hate it here at Here.
Santa not returning your texts? Drink away the pain.
