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Written by paul
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Wednesday, 21 January 2009 10:58 |
 You call us "bro" on Craigslist but you call your friends "girrrl" in real life. That's okay. Just don't use the words and phrases below, please. We'd hate for semantics to keep us apart.
10. Sensual
You might as well say, "I would like to have a sexual encounter that is of or relating to sensation or the senses."
9. Swimmer's Build
This empty, overused self-descriptor -- a favorite of those who don't swim and aren't built -- is full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
8. Body Contact
As opposed to what? Telepathy?
7. Boi
Anyone who uses this term is a pedophile, and anyone who responds to it has a tattoo of angel wings over his pointy shoulder blades. That's a no-go either way.
6. Sane
What a turn-off.
5. Party
We get it. You're smoke crystal meth. And you can't develop the slightest hint of an erection but that doesn't stop you from trying, bless your heart.
4. Man Pussy
Must we explain?
3. Session
When we see the word "session," we picture a queen with a planner.
2. Son
Every male on the planet is technically a "son." And every male on Craigslist looking for a "son" is technically a tool.
1. Play
We had hoped this creepy infantilization of sex would be just another fad, but bros looking to 'play' simply won't die. We've played checkers. We've played the piano. We've played with our toddler nephews. And not one of those things felt comporable to sticking a dick up an ass. What ever happened to "fuck"? Or, like, "hang out"?
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