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Written by jay
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Thursday, 10 April 2008 04:32 |
 You're a fortysomething dermatologist living in La Jolla and your much younger boy toy recently dumped you for a porn star. You just got your teeth bonded and your pec implants lifted, and you're in no mood to spend next weekend alone with your Shih-Tzu, Lucy Liu. Your bois are heading to Palm Springs and you've got a hot, very tan body to show off! Just for you, The Sword has created this seven-day planner so that you can make sure you don't forget anything before heading to Jeffrey Sanker's White Party '08.
Saturday, April 12
- Pre-event drinks with bois to decide about outfits: slutty sheep or slutty firemen?
- Buy helium, Red Bull and dandelions for HyperCleanse; begin HyperCleanse.
- Workout: lower body
 Sunday, April 13
- Change MySpace age to 39.
- Cruise Facebook "White Party" group.
- Workout: chest, abs, arms
Monday, April 14
- Change Manhunt age to 34. Add "vers" to profile.
- File/Wax/Tweeze/Bleach
- Donate final $100 to Hillary.
- Cardio, cardio, cardio
Tuesday, April 15
- Call storage to pick-up angel wings
- Call pharmacy for meds
- Call trainer for last-minute intensive
- Call dealer for sense of self-worth.
Wednesday, April 16
- Re-record out-of-office greeting with "Ray of Light" playing in background
- Do full thirty at Sun-sations
- Calculate body fat. Cry.
- Review Drug Interaction Guide
Thursday, April 17
- Add flight and hotel information to BigMuscle.com profile.
- Bubble wrap autographed Taylor Dayne picture for use as possible date lure.
- Pack false-bottomed Viva Glam lipstick "container"
- Board Lucy Liu at Barkly Pet Spa
- Watch Enchanted one last time while applying Strivectin-SD.
- Faint. Begin transition back to solid food.
Friday, April 18
- Enjoy last hour of sleep until Monday.
- Watch "Soulja Boy" instructional video on iPhone.
- Hope that DynaDouche doesn't lead to TSA search.
photos courtesy of JeffreySanker.com
RELATED:
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Trailer: When Boys Fly
The White Party '08
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