The Iranian Madonna, And Six Other Pretenders to the Throne
The Iranian Madonna, And Six Other Pretenders to the Throne
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Written by mike   
Wednesday, 11 June 2008 05:47
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You'd think that with Madonna living in England, adopting in Malawi and traipsing the rest of the globe that she'd completed her Oprahitic goal of world domination.  Just the opposite is true: like a Top Model franchise, there's now a would-be-Madge in every country on earth. It used to be just the "Australian Madonna," Kylie Minogue. Now, from Iran to Iceland, it seems every country has a multi-platinum platinum blonde with fierce determination and the body of a 23-year-old boy.

Imagine Miss Universe pageant, but with nonsensical lyrics and an aging Gorgon wearing the crown! We bring you a World of Madonnas:



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The Iranian Madonna: Shohreh Solati
Also called the "Queen of Persian Pop," Shohreh is one of Iran's most evergreen stars and she's actually been living in exile in the U.S., mostly in L.A., since before the Islamic Revolution in 1978. Her MySpace page gives her age as 29, but given that her first record came out in 1975, that would of course be laughable (also, see pic at right). 
Hit Singles: "Havas," "Sarbehava," and "Dou Tha Heyroon."
Madge Factor: Must be pushing 50; doesn't live in her home country; had every hair color and style possible; and unlike fellow Iranian legend Googoosh-the lady sometimes called "the Persian Madonna" who's more like the Iranian Barbra Streisand and often sings in English-Shohreh's known for diva-pop dance music, sung in Arabic.
Reference: "Sometimes called the Iranian Madonna, she also commonly has been referred to as the "Queen of Scene"  for her boldly attention-grabbing music videos..." -TapeshTV


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The French Madonna: Mylene Farmer
Actually, she's more like a French Tori Amos, but that's not really something to which most people (other than La Curiosity) aspire. Since her 1984 debut, "Maman A Tort" she's been provocatively sexy (featuring the first full-frontal in a French music video), sings about buttsex and AIDS, and has a reputation for spectacular stage shows. And like Madonna, who pretends to be British when she's actually from Detroit, Mylene pretends to be from France while actually being... French Canadian. Mon Dieu!
Madge Factor: Catholic controversy over religious-themed videos, fiery temperment, lesbian overtones, elderly




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The Russian Madonna: Valeriya

Valeriya is nearly 40, has had over 17 number-one hits (in Russia), eschews alcohol and cigarettes in favor of fasts and depends on her gay fans to reach international superstardom. Her weird relationship with an elderly talent manager makes her a wee bit Celine-y, but we'll forgive it. Marketing teams are actively trying to pimp her as a dance-hall diva in Britain.
Madge Factor: 3 children, platinum blonde hair, fake English accent.
Hit Single: "The Party's Over"
Reference: "It is odd that the singer, Valeriya, who has been called the Russian Madonna, can be such a superstar only a three-hour plane journey from London, and so unknown here." - The Independant



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The Chinese Madonna: Anita Mui
In her over twenty years of performing, Chinese pop star Anita Mui (also known as the "Madonna of Hong Kong") became known for her gender-bending persona and her constant image makeovers. A tireless worker, Mui released over forty albums and appeared in numerous feature films which were albeit generally better received than those of her American cousin. Mui, who died in 2003, performed 33 sold-out farewell shows in the early 90s only to return to the stage a few years later, which sort of makes her more like the Chinese Cher. 
Madge Factor: numerous awards, fondness for hats.
Reference: "Mui, who began singing in nightclubs at age 4, was often compared with Madonna, not only because their careers started at almost the same time but because they both constantly projected a new image." The Star



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The Israeli Madonna: Ofra Haza
Discharged from compulsory Israeli Army service in 1979, Ofra quickly went on to pop stardom, and drew Madge comparisons as early as 1988. She is known for her "spirituality" as well her cheesy ballads and dance pop hits, all sung in Hebrew.  Haza died of AIDS complications in 2000, and she was likely infected by husband Doron Ashkenazi, who died a year later of a crack cocaine overdose.
Hit Singles: " Mata Hari," and "Im Nin'Alu"
Madge Factor: millions of albums sold, numerous awards, put Kabbalah shit into dance music
Reference: "[Shaday] made Haza a household name throughout Europe because it was her first to sell millions of copies there, earning her the nickname 'the Israeli Madonna.'" - All Music Guide




MM-leoncie.jpgThe Icelandic Madonna: Leoncie
Nicknamed "Icy Spicy Leoncie" and "The Indian Princess," this brilliant pop star from hell describes herself as the "Singer with the Black Beautiful Powerful Voice," whose "Cleavage Shows, And Then The Icelandic Volcano Explodes." Leoncie records all of her own music and lyrics, playing every instrument and directing every surreal, low-budget video. Known for her wild, raunchy, and outrageous lyrics, she sings lines like the following (from her single "Sex Crazy Cop") all while keeping a straight face: "You bang them in the morning! / bang them everyday! / come home in the evening sayin' it's okay! / What genius doctor told you that it's safe... for your family?"
Hit Singles: "Sex Crazy Cop," "Invisible Girl," and others with titles like "Radio Rapist-Wrestler."
Madge Factor: Gratuitous age-inappropriate nudity, incessant boundary-pushing, and a martyr complex: Leoncie relocated from Iceland to London in 2005 after accusing the Icelandic media of being racist for not widely broadcasting her videos. She also has a single entitled "Madonna Is Dead."



RELATED:

Madonna Album, Which Every Good Card Carrying Gay Heard Last Week, Officially Drops
In War Of Fierceness, The Homosexuals We Asked Preferred Kylie Over Madonna


Comments

avatar Will
 
 
I like tweaking Madge when she deserves it as much as the next guy, but "aging Gorgon"? Now you upper-cased it (which makes her Medusa), but the common lower-cased definition, according to dictionary.com, is "a mean, ugly, or repulsive woman."

What is with gays hating on Madonna? I just don't get it. I didn't read the rest of the post.
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avatar sergio
 
 
mylène farmer is awesome!
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avatar herve
 
 
OMFG. Iceland has had Leoncie all this time, and all they export is Bjork??? I think it's time we rethink our trade agreement.
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avatar Hunter
 
 
I almost saw Shohreh in concert, but I went to another great Iranian singer, Leila Forouhar, who is also very Madonna like. Persian pop is great.
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