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Written by jack
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Wednesday, 23 July 2008 16:27 |
 Porn stars are a small handful of people in the world who have the luxury of choosing their own names. One would think that they'd not only choose names that are sexy and easy to remember, but also check Google beforehand. In many cases the names they choose are already in use. Take the real Jeff Stryker: in a piece he wrote for Salon, the former executive director of the federal National Commission on AIDS, is positively indignant about having his identity usurped.
I was Jeff Stryker first. My parents gave me the name after carefully deliberating to find a moniker unlikely to be twisted into mean-spirited childhood rhymes or playground taunts. It worked for a while, at least until Jeff Stryker chose my name over the somewhat dorkier handle his parents had provided -- Charles Peyton. With the help of his very own Svengali, porn producer John Travis, Jeff Stryker has taken my name and made it synonymous with erotic excitement.
But maybe he protests too much. Stryer's website features caricatures of both himself and the porn star Jeff Stryker, emblazoned with the headline "NOT THE PORN STAR." It's like this guy's made a living out of not being Jeff Stryker. Others take it a little more gracefully, or maybe their just not aware. Below, a few of our favorites.
 Dr. Ralph Woods, professor
This poor, crusty old man is a theology professor at ultra-conservative Baylor University in Texas. Imagine the look on a select few freshmen's faces every year on the first day of class when he comes out and isn't the horse-hung top.
 Eric Hanson, folk singer
It would be one thing if this guy was cute. Instead he's a frumpy long-haired folk singer -- just about as opposite of the sexy former Falcon exclusive as you can get.
 Dred Scott, historical figure
We'll never quite understand why dead-sexy Titanman Dred Scott named himself after an African American slave (1799-1858) who sued his owner for freedom (and lost) in historically significant Dred Scott v. Stanford case.
 Johnny Hazzard, novel hero
This young adult novel by Eddie De Oliveira about a troubled teenager named Johnny Hazzard was published in 2006 -- the same year as the tattooed porn star's descent to superstardom. Oops.
 Aidan Shaw, fictional character
This is the name of this short-lived Carrie Bradshaw boyfriend on Sex and The City was an intentional nod to the British porn stud by the show's gay creator Darren Star.
 Ben Andrews, Uber math geek
This Ben Andrews, BSc PhD ANU, is a Senior Fellow at the Centre for Mathematics and its Applications. He is very interested in many areas of differential geometry, including general relativity and semi-Riemannian geometry, geometry of convex. Clearly he got the big brain and not the big penis.
 Benjamin Bradley (I), Pastor
We could totally see this guy, who's Vice President for Oakseed Ministries International, totally becoming a porn star and then "retiring" from porn to become the spokesmodel for Ginch Gonch Underwear. Maybe it's the sexy roll-neck sweater.
 Benjamin Bradley (II), Inventor
The porn star really should have googled this name before he chose it. The orignal Bradley was a former slave who invented an engine capable of running the first steam-powered warship.
RELATED:
They Call Me Chucky: Jeff Stryker's Personal YouTube Page
Ben and Ethan: The Way They Were
Will the Real Jeff Stryker Please Rise (Salon.com)
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