6 Feb 2012
Even though his leave of absence was less a “retirement” and more just someone “changing their mind” after breaking up with a boyfriend, Matthew Rush unretired last month for your masturbatory pleasure. That’s great, but the one person I really want to unretire is someone who’s actually been retired for more than 30 seconds: Falcon legend Eric Hanson.
The tall, dark, ridiculously handsome, and ridiculously perfect (there was seriously never a hair out of place) Falcon exclusive only appeared in eight films in the late 1990′s, and it’s because of those movies that I still own a VCR. Today, it takes 80,000 web scenes and a Twitter meltdown to be a porn star. In the 1990′s, it took eight movies and maybe one autograph signing in the Castro.
Toward the end of his run in movies, Eric Hanson was also insanely hot in this Playgirl shoot on a boat. Remember Playgirl? Click any image to enlarge:
After he left Falcon, Eric Hanson filmed a couple of non-Falcon movies and then officially fell off the face of the Earth in 2000 (though I’ve heard he’s working in real estate somewhere in Florida). On the bright side, having not heard from Hanson in years means he probably didn’t die and he probably hasn’t been arrested for trying to kill someone or rob something, so that might mean he’s doing OK.
And maybe it’s best to remember someone as they were in the past. After all, what if he’s fat now? That would be disappointing. Let’s assume he still looks like this, forever…
My favorite Falcon movies of Eric’s include his debut, The Freshmen, in which he bottomed for Jack Simmons (free trailer here), his dick-slapping of Kurt Stefano in Summer Reunion, a fourgy with Jeremy Penn, Ethan Michael Ayers, and a blindfolded Colby Taylor (whom I would also like to unretire) in Hot Wheels, and his topping of blond power bottom Brennan Foster in French Connections 1.
[Falcon: Eric Hanson Fucks Kurt Stefano]
[Falcon: Eric Hanson, Jeremy Penn, Colby Taylor, and Ethan Michael Ayers Orgy]
[Falcon: Eric Hanson Fucks Brennan Foster]
Please come back, Eric Hanson! Unless you are fat.
[Falcon: Eric Hanson]
[NakedSword: Eric Hanson]
6 Feb 2012
Your vote will decide. It’s the annual Hookies (the male escort awards), and even if you don’t live in one of the cities where one of these escorts offers his services, you can still vote. Even if you’ve never hired an escort, you can still vote! The winner from each region will go on to compete for the International Escort of the Year title, which is like the Nobel Prize, but for whores. Here is who I just voted for:
Los Angeles: Jesse Santana
A no-brainer if there ever was one. Duh.
San Francisco: Drew
Having never hired an escort, I can only go with my gut. And my gut says that most of these guys aren’t my type, except for James Jamesson, but my gut says that hiring him would be weird. And I wouldn’t hire Spencer Reed because he would probably punch my gut. Kidding! He wouldn’t do that. All that’s left then is the cute scruffy one in the hoodie, who looks kind of like Hunter Maverick. And is there anyone in the world who wouldn’t fuck Hunter Maverick? No. Drew wins.
London: Jay Roberts
Name recognition mainly, but also because he is the hottest person out of all the nominees.
Chicago: Heath Jordan
Again, name recognition. Plus, Heath looks so nice, like he would totally be OK if you were short $50. He’d let it slide! Then, he’d slide it in. (*GONG*) But, maybe the other guys are better escorts “overall”? Does Heath Jordan have an unfair advantage because he is a well known gay porn star and voting is open to everyone, not just people who have hired escorts in Chicago? Are The Hookies “rigged”? Should Heath Jordan withdraw his nomination??
New York: Colin Black
This is the only one I struggled with, and I blame dicks. One big white dick and one big black dick and one big Italian dick.
If this were based only on dicks (and it kind of is) the winner would easily be retired porn star Jake Havoc, because Jesus fucking Christ… (also…Jake Havoc is escorting!?!)
…or it could be Randy Blue’s Vito Gallo:
But dickmatization aside, I picked Colin because I’m gay and he has such pretty eyes (and also a big dick). Hookies winners will be revealed over the next month.
6 Feb 2012
Loud, obscene, worthless, wholly ineffective, and completely unwatchable. Even worse than their pathetic previous efforts. And, five cents for every “tweet” and “like”? Those $10 t-shirts couldn’t have cost more than $5 to produce…where is the rest of the money going? Click play at your own risk.
