“No Fats, No Femmes, No Asians…”

Here is an article from Fab magazine that calls you a racist for not being sexually attracted to Asians. But since when did having an aesthetic preference make you a racist?

You visit a hookup or dating website, cruise somebody’s profile and are confronted with the list: no fats; no femmes; no Asians; no blacks; masc only; my age or younger; str8-acting, you be too; non-scene; and on and on. What we find is a lot of hate when all we want is head.

Oh brother. Aren’t the majority of people who type “no blacks” in their profiles more likely to just be plain old stupid rather than “sexually oppressive” h8rs? Rude and socially inept, yes. But racist?

The negative language so prevalent on Craigslist and Grindr seems to signal that the culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.

Gay sexual oppression is catalogued painfully on the Douchebags of Grindr blog, which sorts prejudiced profiles based on everything from racism and sexism to self-hating homophobia. But even though we see it everywhere, most people are as willing to admit to the exclusionary aspects of their desires as Lindsay Lohan is to submit to drug testing — statements are qualified by “Sorry, that’s just what I’m into” or “No hard feelings, it’s just my preference.”

Not sure how much more of this I should take seriously when Lindsay Lohan analogies are in play, but what’s wrong with having a preference? Don’t tell me I can’t have a preference! I don’t want to have sex with women. No hard feelings. Does that make me a misogynist? The same people who, presumably, believe that sexual preference is genetically pre-determined don’t also believe that that which is visually stimulating isn’t also hard-wired into our brains? What makes someone an authority on how to delineate when and where something stops being a “preference” and starts being racist? The hell?

[Matillda Sycamore] says that while people have the right to say what they’re attracted to, they have a responsibility to watch how they say it. “On the one hand, people are stating their preference, but on the other, these are not neutral terms. If we were living in a culture where everything was the same, it wouldn’t be a problem. But when sexual preference reinforces dominant systems of power in an unquestioning way, that’s when it becomes problematic.”

Michael J Faris, co-author of the essay “Fucking with Fucking Online: Advocating for Indiscriminate Promiscuity,” believes that sexual oppression too often is unexamined. “Desiring one thing more than another I don’t see as a bad thing,” he says. “When you say, ‘I won’t date a black person or won’t sleep with a black person,’ that’s what I see as being racist. If you can’t interrogate your desire, that’s a problem.”

Oh, bullshit. These people, with their essays. You want to fight racism? Start by getting off Grindr and going out into the real world, where actual racism actually exists. Because there’s a difference between “I’m not sexually attracted to black guys” and “I’m not going to hire this black guy because he’s black.”

Faris suggests that, instead of using negative terminology that describes what they don’t want, people should explain what they do want and deal with others as individuals. If you aren’t attracted to Asian men because stereotypes suggest they are smooth and you prefer hairy men, you could write, “I like hairy men” on your profile, not “no Asians.” “I think being explicit with what you’re into is more inclusive. It might mask things and make them invisible and harder to discuss. But it still makes things more inclusive,” says Faris.

No! Now you’re just encouraging people to lie (more than they already are lying about other things like their weight or their dick size). Plus, people who use Grindr and Craiglist are too desperate and impatient to be that crafty. Furthermore, why should we infringe upon people’s right to free speech? If someone is truly racist, I’d like to know right off the bat. Why dictate what kind of dumb shit they publicly reveal about themselves? Isn’t it better to know–from the beginning–that someone is a racist, or at least an idiot? Isn’t it a good thing that people are allowed to type “no Asian dudes” in their profiles so you know that they are fucking retarded? Oops, sorry, “mentally disabled.”

Of course, I’m not sure how serious of a problem any of this is since a) I don’t hook up with people from my cell phone, and b) I’m white! (*phew*).

 

[Fab Magazine: Not Just A Preference via Queerty]

110 thoughts on ““No Fats, No Femmes, No Asians…””

  1. Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice at the same time as you amend your site, how could i subscribe for a blog site? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I were a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided shiny clear idea

  2. I just don’t get why asian boys don’t just get sex changes. Straight white guys LOVE asians, and since the life goal of the gaysian is to land a big strong white man, getting a sex change would put them in the dating pool where they are very desired and prized. An asian penis is a small price to pay for achieving what all asians train and strive for, a white boyfriend to dominate them and tell them they’re pretty. Asian men are kinda femme looking and soft featured anyway, so no one would ever have to know you were born male.

    1. Tell me, when your grandparents were at Auschwitz did they not go through selektion? How is it that you exist? But in all seriousness, I’m surprised that no one has leaked your personal info online like they did with your friend Alexandra Wallace.

  3. We can’t control our sexual preferences but we shouldn’t be in denial that it’s still racist and just a reflection of the racist society and media that is glorified a certain image of beauty. I say just accept it for what it is.. and if your out trying to get off don’t be a racist and a rude asshole about it! One faulty characteristic is enough.

  4. wow, what’s all this talk about white people? i find, by FAR, many more gay men who are black/asian/latino stating racial preferences (almost always that they are only looking for whites, by the way) than white guys. it’s not as if white people have a monopoly on racism. it’s just that racism from whites is seen as unacceptable, while racism from minorities is largely ignored. and in my experience, minorities are actually quite a bit more openly racist than the white people i know. how many of you have seen black-black gay couples? in my life i’ve seen one, because so many black guys prefer white guys. and personally, i don’t care! have you ever heard the shit that comes out of many east asians mouths about genetic superiority? they’re still being taught that in some schools. and don’t get me started on latin culture, i live in mexico and society is based on overt racism and suppression, with almost no resistance from either side. they make these on-line profiles look positively enlightened.

    just saying there is plenty of shit to go around for all colors, so quit making this an issue about white people.

    but frankly, if profiles on a gay hook-up site are this important to you, you need to get out more (“out” = out of the gay ghetto). people have preferences, Marc said it better than almost anyone else on here. a lot of you are hysterical (in the sense of emotionally unstable) in your posts, and that’s more disturbing than stating “racist” preferences on a hook-up site.

    finally, so you don’t misunderstand me as defending some of the more insensitive people on here… i agree that tact goes a long way, and this is basically an issue of classiness/good manners. if there is a nicer way to word things, then a sensible person will make the effort to word it that way. some of us have good manners, others don’t.

  5. I think what a lot of you fine folks are conflating here is:

    “I find white guys hot!”

    versus:

    “I only like white guys!”

    There’s a subtlety a lot of you guys seem to miss. Racism isn’t just “I hate X group” it’s a lot more than that, and well, I won’t try to explain it here because a great many of you don’t quite get it. Although… it’s understandable, you’re a part of the group with privilege, which means I don’t expect you to get it (pats your collective heads and coos “There, there.”).

    I think the thing is, what happened to class and manners? When you state you “I ONLY like x group and you don’t want anyone else talking to you and wasting your time!” (which is what 90% of online profiles are like), well that’s pretty goddamn rude. Of course, people seem to think being online means class and manners are excused and saying whatever the fuck you want is OK. But, seeing the replies here, it seems most of you haven’t either to begin with, so the point is moot.

    There are some things you can change, but a lot of comments here show that stupidity is an inherent and likely incurable trait.

    peace n blessinz :)

  6. Oh dumb ass white people here think there not a racist for saying their preference. Give me a freaking break you don’t here many straight people saying no black or asian. Its only in the gay community and your dumb as dirt if you think you’re not a racist. SImply just don’t answer

  7. For those of you that have turned this issue into a joke…you probably aren’t from Asian. The irresponsible and racist comments that an editor of a respectable(questionable) magazine has made need to be addressed or it will only continue.

    Take a few minutes and look up racism on Wikipidea or Merriam because we are talking about an entire RACE of people when you say Asian. For those of you that don’t know what RACE is I suggest some remedial elementary school classes. A twink is not a race of people its a poorly chosen name for younger adult males but it goes across the RACIAL spectrum. That goes the same for all the other malignant and viral words that are out there to label people. Thought that severely distorted backwater hole-in-the-wall mentality died two generations ago.

    For those of you that up to this point never looked up the word here is Wiki defintion:

    Racism is the belief that inherent different traits in human racial groups justify discrimination. In the modern English language, the term “racism” is used predominantly as a pejorative epithet. It is applied especially to the practice or advocacy of racial discrimination of a pernicious nature (i.e. which harms particular groups of people), and which is often justified by recourse to racial stereotyping or pseudo-science.

    Racism is popularly associated with various activities that are illegal or commonly considered harmful, such as extremism, hatred, xenophobia, (malignant or forced) exploitation, separatism, racial supremacy, mass murder (for the purpose of genocide), genocide denial, vigilantism (hate crimes, terrorism), etc.

    “Racism” and “racial discrimination” are often used to describe discrimination on an ethnic or cultural basis, independent of their somatic (i.e. “racial”) differences. According to the United Nations conventions, there is no distinction between the term racial discrimination and ethnicity discrimination[citation needed].

    Now if that doesn’t make this guy a racist then I don’t know what does. I know its a its just a social website, all the more reason to be socially responsible…grow up!

  8. My profile says “NO HIV+ MEN”. But I’m certain some HIV+ guy is pissed off and conspiring to get in my pants. What should I do?

  9. Well, here’s my two cents. I’m a black gay man; not saying this gives me authority on the subject, just wanted to frame my response so you know where I’m coming from. When I first came out and starting seeking out other guys online, I encountered a lot of profiles that stated “No blacks” or “not attracted to blacks, sorry.” At the time, it pissed me off. I felt indirectly discriminated against and was appalled at the level of racism that exists within the gay community; a community who itself is seeking equality and a lack of discrimination.

    But then I grew up. A sexual preference is just that, a preference. Do I want to see a thousand profiles with “no blacks” or “no asians” or “no whites?” No, but I’d much rather know this information up front. I don’t like to waste my time or someone else’s, so why would I be angry over someone expressing their preference or what they are attracted to? There is a huge difference between being denied a job or, hell, not being invited to a party because you are black and what we’re discussing here. Plus, what is the ultimate purpose of the discussion as it relates to hooking up? Suddenly, people will be “shamed” into being attracted to asians? Nope, they’ll simply not put the information on their profile and ignore any asian guy or femme guy or black guy that contacts them.

    Chiefly,just in my experience, I have found that guys who are most frustrated with others racial sexual preferences, particularly those who are referring to racial preferences of white men, are themselves more attracted to whites than they are of those of their own race. I know I’m skewering the quote, but I don’t want to be a member of any club that doesn’t want me as a member. So what if these guys are racist (which I don’t believe a lot of them are)? In my opinion, I’m grateful for the heads up. Whether they are telling me they are a racist jackass or an idiotic and close minded simpleton or simply a guy who is not attracted to black guys; I appreciate the advanced notice. I think I’m amazing. I’m gorgeous, talented, well educated, a great and fun person to be around, and one hell of a sex partner. I’m a catch. If someone can’t or doesn’t want to see that, no prob. There are plenty more out there who do and they’re worth the effort to seek out. I wouldn’t spend any more time trying to convince someone to be attracted to black, asian, white, latino or arab guys than I would in trying to make someone’s favorite drink a vodka martini, an old fashioned or a long island iced tea. Neither should anyone else. Love yourself first.

  10. Well I guess there are two kinds of people. One kind considers the humanity of a potential sex partner in addition to their physical qualities to determine how attractive they are. The other kind sees a collection of body parts and features that they find attractive in this “primal” way that some people are blathering about, and would presumably still have sex with this person even if he/she was a genocidal maniac.

  11. I have two questions
    – What are the true reasons you’re not attracted to Blacks or Asians (be completely honest)?
    – Secondly why is it that people mostly limit themselves sexual on preferences without really finding out who others really are? (I get it yes It is a sex site) I’ve also seen guys say “I’m not into black guys or Asian” but I’ve also heard people say “that is how I was raised”. They have no true knowledge of Black or Asian cultures besides what they see on TV or what they are told and most people think blacks are all thugs or fem and nothing else.

  12. I think it would’ve been best if such generalizations are taken down not only because it is offensive but it’s highly pretentious. How can you say that you don’t like all “black people” when there are a lot of people who are “black” that don’t necessarily have all the clear cut characteristics of someone who is supposedly “black.” Filipinos, for instance, are considered Asian but I’ve been to the Philippines and a lot of Filipinos look hispanic. The point is, you as a human being, will more or less be surprised by life, as far as sexual attraction is concerned, because more often than not, it’s not really about a dark skin or a thick pair of lips but the package as a whole. There is no need to generalize an entire race in saying “no blacks” “no whites” “no fatties” “no Asians” because the world itself is not as clear cut as it seems.

  13. I still can’t believe this much discussion has been generated on whether or not it’s cool to categorically state with certainty that an entire racial group fails to make your dick hard. If you can say that not one Asian, not one black, not one latino, not one ginger, not one south Asian, not one European, not one WHATEVER can do that, then boom, you have stated that you are a racist. If that is ok with you, then congratulations: you suck.

  14. Honey, I doubt from your limited vocabulary and problematic writing that you were even able to comprehend much of what the original article was saying.

    All you’ve accomplished with this so-called rebuttal is to thoroughly embarrass yourself. Don’t presume to have any credibility.

    I hereby revoke your gay card.

  15. When you walk into a candy store, you search for the thing you like best.
    Grindr is the ultimate homo candy store.

    I’m not looking for a date, nor a relationship. I am looking for someone I think is hot. And if I like red heards, uncut Latinos, then that’s what I’m looking for.

    You wouldn’t make a kid eat a chocolate bar when what he really wanted was licorice, would you?

    1. You are an idiot. For the 9000th time, NO ONE is trying to force to you eat a “nasty” chocolate bar when you want licorice, we are just trying to suggest that it’s not especially NICE or HUMAN to use language that is derogatory and exclusive.

      1. Or generalizing for that matter. That’s what annoys me the most actually. How can you say that you don’t like “Asians” if you have yet to see all the Asians in the world.

        A. Not all Asians have small dicks.
        B. Not all Asians share the same characteristics as far as the eyes are concerned
        C. Not all Asians have white skin

        If these features do not get your dick hard then… OK… no one is forcing you to like it. But for you to make an assumption about an entire race just because of the general characteristics of a few is quite presumptuous and… well… stupid.

  16. What a simpering and profoundly ignorant “rebuttal.”

    The Fab article was about language used. Your “claim” is not the claim of the article. You, Zach, have just made a massive fool of yourself.

    Your first line “Here is an article from Fab magazine that calls you a racist for not being sexually attracted to Asian.” is a complete and utter line as it is, in no way, the thesis nor the argument of the Fab article.

    You, like a true brat, have just revealed your own true colours by attributing words and a message to an article that did not say those things.

    I’ll say it again, you just made a massive fool of yourself.

  17. The fact that I very clearly state at the end of this post that I think people who type things like “no Asians” are idiots (if not in some cases potential racists) seems to be lost on most of you. Read more carefully. I’m not excusing the behavior and I’m certainly not encouraging it. I think it’s retarded. Ultimately though, I think it’s more retarded to try and censor free speech, no matter how hurtful you perceive it to be.

    1. too bad nobody is trying to “censor free speech” – we’re trying to get people to think about the implications of what they say, and how they say it. we’re trying to get people to question the language they use, and also question the basis of their preferences. they’re not innate, they’re societal.

      we live in a world that worships Whiteness, Maleness, and Heterosexuality above the other “options” – “no fats fems asians or blacks” …..Make the connection, you dunces.

      a guy may not be a racist for not being into “most asian guys” – but a guy who writes “no asians” is pretty much a fucking racist. he clearly thinks so little of asian people that he doesnt’ care how his words will affect those who read them. he doesn’t care. it’s just “asians” he’s disregarding and informing of their collective lack of appeal, and also the pretty-darn-racist assertion that to him they “all look the same” – you know, those asians. how they all look the same, right? yeah. that’s how he knows he’s “not into them” – they’re identical. all of them. right? yeah. not racist at all.

      although I did a lil’ searching online and found some photos of you. yay, facebook. it’s now clear why you wrote this piece. despite being white, you clearly couldn’t get fucked if you fell ass-first onto a cock factory.

      so wrote a snark-piece. get back to doing what you do best – masturbating to porn.

      it’s no wonder the majority of you guys defending your racial preferences and your blatant advertising of them have fathers who can barely tolerate having to call you “Son”.
      you deserve it.

  18. The gay community is defined by whites. It is hard to find where “you” as a minority fit into that community. Therefore reading that you are automatically unwanted and undesired by a large number of people just because of the color of your skin furthers that feeling of isolation. Is it really to much too much to ask that people be kind to one another and not write hurtful things like “no blacks, etc?)

  19. You know Zach, I don’t know if it is intentional, but every time you do a post on race it looks like you are either mocking or being an asshole, or just trying to get a rise out of it. How about you do the rest of us a favor and just NEVER do it again. It is one thing if you are actually trying to open a dialogue, but that never seems to be the case with you. At this point, I can honestly say you are offensive.

  20. i like various types, and i don’t know why people are picky in the first place.

    I like asians: Van Darkholme
    I like blacks: Race Cooper
    I like cubs/bears/’fatties’: John Thomas/Bjorn Larson
    I like femmes: too many to count

    Equal opportunity whore.

    There are a lot other elements to attraction…its not just about bodybuilding.

    I do think that I have a right to say that I’m not interested in HIV, and can ask that people inform me in advance if they have it. I reserve the right to say no on that level.

  21. i’m not sure why this is so difficult to understand: we are all racists. and, the fact that someone includes this on their profile means that they are absolutely a racist, and yes, i would like to know that up front, so go for it. i wish more men would see that tag and go running, or at least, that they’d realize that they’re racist and okay with it. racist is not synonymous with worthless.

    1. I disagree with that statement.

      a lot of ‘racists’ are sexually attracted to minorities, its apart of the dichotomy of hate/lust. We deeply resent or hate something that we fear because we desire it.

  22. I do agree that this conversation will go nowhere. A person who has never encountered any kind of discrimination in his life will never be able to understand how hurtful it is to someone who has. Don’t even bother denying. And guess what, it’s fine if you don’t understand it, no one’s asking you to understand. But you need to shut up. We don’t want to hear what you stand for at all, because you don’t understand, you simply don’t, and you never will, so don’t act like you do, it’s pathetic.

    A bunch of Caucasian males trying to showcase how much they knows about “race”, “ethnicity” and “humanity”? Good night.

  23. Generally, I usually go for younger, lean muscley, non-white guys… however, that is not always the case and I would NEVER say that I’m “not into” a certain type. As soon as I say “Not into bears, Asians or older”, the hottest Asian or bear or older guy wants to hook up and I feel like an ass. I’m always proven wrong because there are ALWAYS exceptions.

    What gets me is the guys who say “Clean/HIV neg only” or something similar. You can have great (safe) sex with a guy that is positive and those that say they are neg don’t always know for sure. HIV-phobic is just as bad, if not worse, than this so-called “racism” — and maybe even worse. It leads to people being afraid and dishonest about their status & gives a false sense of security to those who don’t always play safe.

    Think about what you say and how it would read if you were in the class in question.

    1. I think informed consent is optimum. If you cannot tell someone you have HIV without hesitation, then something is wrong in the first place!

      I should know my partners history and health status. If I’m not comfortable with them, I cannot perform–the simple truth.

        1. In this case Mr. Colt is referring to people that use “clean” as code for HIV negative. As opposed to the completely reasonable request that someone be sober. One is offensive, the other is confusing. So better to use phrases like “sober” or “drug and alcohol free.”

    2. Safer still to regard all sex partners as though they were HIV+ and take appropriate precautions. It’s served me well so far.

  24. This is bullshit. I don’t have anything like that on my profile, but I still turn down Black and Asian men because I’m not sexually attracted. That makes me racist? gtfo

  25. I understand the root of this touchy subject, but I think the easiest way to avoid this is simply stating that you are looking for a white/Caucasian/European person, and those who don’t fit the description should respect that persons wishes. Plain and simple. Works for any preference without sounding so exclusionary.

    Kind of off topic, have you noticed there are very few “No Latin/Hispanic” comments? Ton’s are aimed at African-American & Asian men, even some towards East Indian & Middle Eastern, but not Hispanics.

  26. “Generally speaking, guys like having something to grab onto and since Asians are, more often than not, lacking in that department, guys will immediately eliminate them from the pool of possible sex partners. It’s not that they don’t like Asians, it’s that they don’t like small cocks.”

    The second funniest line on this thread.

    1. You’re quite a disappointment to humanity (i.e. laughing at anti Asian racist/bullying commentary). To mistakenly think that you weren’t one of the racists. And to the other racists as well. Cho Seung Hui and Elliot Rogers aren’t the last ones. There will be others (excluding Whites who have a predilection towards violence) who’ll make history as well.

  27. Let’s be honest, shall we?

    GENERALLY speaking, people tend to gravitate to people similar to themselves. Therefore, cheerleaders like chearleaders, jocks like jocks, nerds like nerds, losers like losers, etc.

    In the sexual realm it’s not so different: muscle guys like muscle guys, twinks like twinks, stones like stoners, etc.

    So, it’s no shock that white guys will say “no blacks”, not because they’re racists but because they don’t relate SEXUALLY to that person. This is ESPECIALLY true with the 20’s crowd because they have a much more limited experiece and when you start out sexually you’re generally not a total pig and you only hook up with guys who are your “type”. Therefore it takes longer for you to realize you’re missing out. Hot is hot, regardless of skin color but it takes experience to learn that.

    Now as for Asians, let me say what I think no one has said yet. If Asians were known for having huge cocks, Asians wouldn’t be sexually discriminated against. However, as we all know, and I know there are exceptions (but VERY few), Asians generally have small cocks. Generally speaking, guys like having something to grab onto and since Asians are, more often than not, lacking in that department, guys will immediately eliminate them from the pool of possible sex partners. It’s not that they don’t like Asians, it’s that they don’t like small cocks.

    1. Oh, you’re gonna get EVISCERATED. Can’t wait! :D

      (I’d do it myself, but I’m just headed out the door and I’d need time to do it properly. Besides, there are a number of more eloquent posters who’ll be happy to do the honors I’m sure.)

    2. Okay, you want honesty? Here goes. Cheerleaders may be drawn to cheerleaders but if that cheerleader holds her hand up when she meets someone new and say, “I’m sorry you’re not a cheerleader so I can’t relate to you and can’t be bothered to talk to you” she is (say it with me) an ASSHOLE. The same holds true for any group that can’t be bothered to be “human” to another group. The internet has done wonderful things but it has also sapped some of us of our humanity. If it makes me a bleeding heart to wish we had some of that humanity back then so be it.

      Now onto the Asians and their small dicks….
      I love this justification and the fact that you think this rationalization is perfectly normal. A lot of white guys have small dicks too, but you are willing to give them the benefit of the doubt until you have a chance to find out for yourself. Asians, however, need not apply because, you know their dicks are small so why make them feel included, right?

      I don’t know why I’m even talking about humanity to someone who only cares about a dick size and not anything attached to it. If that’s all you care about then you deserve what you get. Which brings me to a group you didn’t mention in your post… DOUCHEBAGS deserve DOUCHEBAGS.

      1. what are you talking about? Is this HIGH SCHOOL?–With social cliques that only are suitable to date within those circles.

        Get real!–Someone has been watching reruns of the Breakfast Club and High School Musical.

        I know HS Prom Kings and Queens, Band geeks, and over achievers who ended up being gay after high school ended. And we gays all date within this clique!

      2. Andrew, were dropped on your head as a child?

        You’re invoking “HUMANITY” in the context of wanting to have sex? The two have absolutely nothing in common. Sticking your cock up someone’s ass and cumming has nothing to do with the civil rights movement.

        Sexuality is psychologically complex and to deny that fact and posit that it is an extension of closet racism means you’re either a moron, delusional or one of those guys who lost the genetic lottery and is so butt ugly that no one wants you therefore you vent your frustration on others about the inequality of life.

        Guess what Andrew? Life isn’t fair. Deal with it.

        1. “You’re invoking “HUMANITY” in the context of wanting to have sex? The two have absolutely nothing in common.” WOW, did you REALLY just write that?

          Nice try in saying I must be ugly because that’s the only reason I would care if I hurt someone’s feelings. That told me all I really ever need to know about you. You are a real creep, through and through.

          1. I never said that you cared about people’s feelings so please don’t bestow upon yourself a quality I didn’t give you.

            The point I’ve made, and you are clearly too dense to grasp, is that sexual attraction is a primal thing that cannot be squeezed into a politically correct box – which you’re assininely attempting to do.

            Just because someone says they aren’t attracted to blacks doesn’t mean they wan’t to go back to the 1950’s in Birmingham. They’re saying, if you’re looking to hook up with me, you’re wasting your time. And the same goes for Asians or whatever “group” someone isn’t atrracted to. For instance, if someone said they weren’t attracted to morons, you’d be shit out of luck, however, it doesn’t mean that the person thinks people like you should be institutionized.

            Although, in your case, that’s open to debate.

          2. Okay so now you’ve added crazy and moron to go along with ugly; fine by me, keep em coming if it makes you feel better. But for the LAST time you stupid ignorant creep NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is telling you that you have to sleep with anyone who doesn’t “make your dick hard.” Is it so hard for YOU to grasp that all anyone is talking about is not being dismissive and rude to people you haven’t even met yet because your too “awesome” and “busy” to simply say “no thank you”? I’m done with this and I’m done with you. You are a total creep.

        2. RS: I think you’re the result of a botched abortion. What was it like to grow up in a dysfunctional family with a mother who had several children with different dads??

  28. It’s like no one in this thread has ever seen a real racist blog or website. It’s Grindr or Men4Men not eHarmony. DPS has it right when he wrote, reading preferences on a profile and getting upset because physically you don’t match what that person wants sexually.. it’s like being rejected. IMO guys who declare racism while reading hookup profiles have low self esteem.

    1. You f—–g retard, will you contribute something meaningful INSTEAD of laughing at what others have posted or encouraging bullying??

  29. Zach, Zach, Zach, discussions about race just aren’t your forte. It’s funny that three things were mentioned, yet you stayed focused on race. She’s obviously saying that as a human being with any empathy you would consider what you say online and write what you do like rather than what you don’t, not lie(she never said that). I don’t see what’s so bad about that, but I don’t have the luxury of white privilege(and a mental block against anything to do with race) so………. yeah.

  30. I agree with James, conversations like this go nowhere except around and around and change the minds of no one.

    I will say this, I am neither fat, femme, black or Asian but if I ever saw a list like that on someone’s profile (excluding entire groups of people in order to feel superior by making them feel shitty) I would sail right by.

    It’s not on my profile but I have a strict NO DOUCHEBAGS rule!

    1. Call me a Douchebag then… On the other hand you’re putting words in someone’s mouth… There is nothing wrong with listing one’s preferences… I happen to be found of the term ‘white guys only’… I don’t go into great detail and have no intention of “making them feel shitty”! And if I do in the process for God Fucking Sakes you’re gay and a fucking ethnic minority develop thick skin or check the fuck out! I’m not a racist! I have plenty of friends of all shapes, sizes, races, Languages, home countries etc. I’m just more attracted to one type over the other and I don’t see anything wrong with making that public.

      1. OMG, are you SO fucking important and SO fucking busy that it might PUT YOU OUT too much to just say “no thank you” if the “wrong” type of guy responds to you? Are you forced to screw EVERY guy that responds to your precious profile? No, of course you aren’t. The thing about blacks and Asians is that they KNOW they are black or Asian while DOUCHEBAGS never seem to have a clue.

        1. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the reasoning behind a simple “no thanks”, “not interested” or blatantly not responding. Sometimes that comes off in a way more arrogant fashion than simply being up front with your preferences especially when a profile reads something along the line of “looking to chat” “say hi” “friends” etc. It also engages the person in conversation and opens the door to a so called “racist” remark. Some people just aren’t happy with the blanket statement of “you’re not my type”.

        2. BTW this is from my previous statement “Call me a Douchebag then…” I’ll wear that title quite happily should you feel the need to apply it to me…

          Ignorance is bliss… I’m sure you’d find the world a more welcoming place if you spent less time worrying about what others do, say, think etc and focused more of your energy on yourself and leading silently by example.

          1. I think what is being asked for is TACTFULNESS.

            You should simply decline offers politely, for those who might not exactly be in your repertoire; without resorting to bitchyness, for ONLY someone taking interest. Please develop a sense of courtesy online, and even possibly just ignoring prompts in the first place from people you are not looking to hook up with.

            It is apparent many gay men are jaded individuals that lash out, for the simple fact that someone you aren’t attracted to takes interest… their only crime is that they think you are hot!

            Come’on guys! Sheesh!

            Just say thanks and be on your way.

      2. I like it when fellow white people say that they have minorities as friends so it gives them, ahem, carte blanche, to put whatever form of ignorance they want in their profile. The real issue here is wording and sentiment. Those who do not have the tact, intelligence or wit to correctly write up a profile that is not overwhelmingly negative deserve to get what they get, nothing of substance or value. Much less respect.

        There is a massive difference between, “looking for white males,” and “white guys only,”. One shows their lack of humanity, compassion and tolerance with the words you use to represent yourself in a profile. Don’t be surprised when others call you out on such behavior.

      3. You do realize, or course, that “White Guys Only” isn’t actually a “type” of guy?
        The massive variety within the category “White Guys” includes so many shapes, sizes, personalities, styles, appearances, et al as to actually mean nothing other than “White”.
        White isn’t even a physical type. All White folks don’t even have the same color skin.
        Madness.
        But at least you’re straight forward. LOL

          1. Politically correct or just correct?

            “Caucasian” would include people of the Middle East and the Indian subcontinent (and some parts of North Africa) – people who don’t usually come with white skin.

          2. “White” doesn’t actually say anything unless you specify what kind of “White” you mean.

            It’s not political correctness, it’s common sense.

            When someone says “White Men Only” do they men Italian-American men? Cuban men? Irish-American men? Men of Scandinavian decent?

            There are men who would fit into each of those categories who look NOTHING like each other (even if they were all the same height, build, etc) and yet would all may identify as “White”

            I guess what I’m saying is saying “White Men Only” won’t save you from the darkness. Not if that is literally what you mean.

          3. PC isn’t about being fake– it is about common decency and respectfulness for others. You don’t have to list a roster of people you are not looking to meet. Focus on the people you do.

            Just simply state you are looking for someone height/weight appropriate, ages between ____ & ____, who are of the Caucasian persuasion.

    1. it does get better… if you wise up about the world, and develop your mind as well as your body. Nobody can undermine or intimidate a fine tuned intellect, with a sense of self confidence that is only earned with it.

  31. This conversation will go no where. Would rather pay attention to housing/job discrimination as opposed to who people want to sleep with. Sure there’s no need to be rude when looking for “Mr. Right Now,” but outside of that this talk will just lead to hot air and large caps. Not a good combo.

  32. ANYONE who cannot see the beauty in all races is a RACIST! NO “IF”s, “AND”s, or “BUT”s about it.

    AJ hit the nail on the head. While we all have preferences, limiting yourself is a RACIST move. I have a preference for non-Blacks, smooth to moderately body hair, and fit bods. YET I’ve have topped and bottomed with Black guys, hairy men, and husky men. Why? Not because I was horny, and that’s all that was available. I love and respect sex too much to do a human being that way. It was because I refuse to limit my viewpoint to the beautiful array of men that’s out there. In fact, the only type of guy that goes against my preference that I haven’t been with is a fat man. And since fat=unhealthy, it understandable why I have no plans of going against that preference.

    Now, Isn’t It Obvious has shown himself to be one of 2 things, a racially insensitive White, or a Black, Asian, or other minority who sells out to repress their justified annoyance with the situation so they can avoid being called “angry”. Fact is calling a minority “angry” just shows avoidance of the situation. Also if “Isn’t It Obvious” is going to insult people who have a right to be annoyed, it might want to learn grammar and use Spell-Check once in awhile. For your “victimise” should be spelled “victimize”. And spelling “Asians” or any ethnicity like they’re not a proper noun shows you think of them as less relevant.

    1. @Lenair, criticizing someone else’s grammar is often a risky move. I’ll point out four (of a few) grammatical (including punctuation) errors that you made:

      1. And since fat=unhealthy, it [sic] understandable why I have no plans of going against that preference.

      2. NO “IF”s, “AND”s, or “BUT”s [sic] about it.

      3. Also if “Isn’t It Obvious” is going to insult people who have a right to be annoyed, it [sic] might want to learn grammar and use Spell-Check once in awhile.

      4. YET I’ve [sic] have topped and bottomed with Black guys, hairy men, and husky men.

      Generally, grammar rules are a little more relaxed in an informal forum such as comments. But, since you are so self-righteous, well… Bless your heart.

    2. Victimise is the correct way to spell it if you’re British. In fact, a British person using Americanised “-ized” spellings looks terrible to another British person. It’s on a par with misusing apostrophes etc.

    3. Lenair Xavier is an ignorant, apparently poorly educated, fool. For someone who refers to himself as a writer, he embarrases himself on a daily basis.

  33. I have always been given such a hard time about this and it’s utter bullshit. It’s no different than saying “please be around age 25-30.” Am I discriminating against age now too?

    1. Actually it’s NOT the same.

      In your statement, you are saying what you WANT as opposed to saying what you don’t want.

      THAT is the difference.

      Within the context of your own profile, it’s about being specific about the qualities you are looking for without using a dating profile as a means to slag other people off.

      Outside of a dating profile, the larger discussion is about not acting as though there are no prejudices/biases, etc that inform our “likes”, “dislikes” and what we consider desirable.

      I don’t think it’s about forcing anyone one to want to have sex with someone. It’s about asking us to THINK about how we talk about and to other people and how some of the objectification and stereotyping exhibited on dating websites feeds into how we treat folks in real life situations.

      1. I see the beauty in woman despite it being a pretty well documented fact that I really have no interest in sleeping with them… I guess by your mentality by limiting myself to only men I must be sexist and I must hate all woman?

        Grow up!

        1. I didn’t say ANYTHING about limiting yourself. I think you’re either confusing me with someone else or making assumptions about what I think.

          You’re on a gay male dating site so the issue of whether or not you want to date/have sex with women is moot. How is that even relevant to telling other men what kind of men you want to date or have sex with?

          The concept shouldn’t be so hard to hard to grasp

          You don’t go to a sushi restaurant and when asked what you’d like proceed to list all the things you hate. You just tell them what you want. THAT is the point of a dating or hook-up site.

          But let’s please stop pretending that this is just an innocent, “honest” way of communicating that is only about being straightforward and not also about
          getting to act like some anonymous, anachronistic, cretinous Klan member.

          I’m a firm believer in “If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it on the Internet?”

          Again, this is not about people’s sexual preferences or desires, this is about effective, non-offensive communication.

          1. “…act like some anonymous, anachronistic, cretinous Klan member.”

            ^^^ My favorite part! ^_^

            Very alliterative.

          2. It’s perfectly acceptable to order something without a specific ingredient. In many cases it’s also acceptable to ask that your food be prepared in a segregated environment to prevent cross contamination.

            Having worked in the front of house for many years I know that it is pretty common for people to list off things they don’t like or don’t want incorporated in their meal.

            In an environment where the majority of people gather for some sort of instant gratification it is perfectly acceptable to place your order however you see fit.

            I’d like 1 Man
            -hold the slanted eyes and yellow skin please!

          3. With that “slanted eyes” “yellow skin” comment, JJ just exposed himself as nothing but a racist. His comments can be understood as one racist defending another racist.

      2. Thank you Persa, you are one of the few people to eloquently state his point without sounding like an incentive prick.

        1. What Zach said is even a better example. “I don’t want to have sex with women. Does that make me a misogynist?” I can’t help what I’m attracted to… I can’t stand foreskin, honestly I wish I loved it, since so many guys are uncut. When somebody says “please be white” “please be hung” “please be 25-30” it’s no difference. I’m a skinny guy and I tend to be attracted to really beefy guys, when I see their profile says “only looking for other beefy guys” I get a little butt hurt and part of me wants to say “fuck you!” but I don’t because it is what they prefer. It’s a form of rejection and people turn into cry babies about it and pull the racist or discrimination card. Get over it.

          1. but you are capable of out of curiosity, or interest of experiencing it.

            lots of gay men try heterosexual sex.

          2. congrats to all the complete fucking idiots on this site who are agreeing with Zach and his asinine and deeply-defensive (not to mention lie-based and uneducated) comments.

            for real. Zach, you should be ashamed of yourself for taking the issue of language in profiles that demeans and indeed negatively affects people based on their ethnicity and turning it into “oh, these people are saying you’re a racist”

            bloody typical of guys like you.
            so, to you and the fools on here agreeing, you’ve got your heads stuck so far up your own asses that you refuse to challenge your own beliefs; serves you damn right that you’ll likely never know the joys of an authentic existence.

            seriously. the article is about the language used, and the societal influence on ethnicity when it comes to concepts of attraction and beauty. zach and his merry band of losers say “this is infringing on free speech!” – a lovely avoidance of the issue at hand and the message of the Fab article.

            nobody is infringing on your free speech, you half-wit. nobody is calling for censorship. what we’re saying is maybe your “right” to say something doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing to say. why defend saying it when people are explicitly stating that it reinforces negative self-image and is indeed hurtful? why pretend it’s about free speech when it’s NOT? we’re asking for people to think about the implications of what they say and you act all flippant about it. typical deluded gay white boy.

            oh well, it’s all good. ten bucks says your father barely tolerates having to call you “Son” and that you have to suck up to him and his bullshit way of life in order to be allowed to sit at the Big Kid’s Table for dinner. and you deserve it. keep acting smug. won’t change his shame of you.

          3. we’re asking for people to think about the implications of what they say and you act all flippant about it. typical deluded gay white boy.

            Oh dear.

  34. It seems to me that the article is saying that the lack of concern for how racist you sound is akin to saying that racism is okay.
    Why can’t folks just say what they DO want/like/find sexy instead of a long list of stuff they don’t want?
    It is more likely to get you want you want AND you don’t sound like some 1950s redneck.
    You don’t have to like or have sex with someone with whom you’re not attracted, obviously.
    But saying “no Blacks/ no Asians” is basically so vague as to not actually say anything about what you want or find sexy except that the person not be someone who identifies as Black or Asian (because all Blacks and Asians look/act/think/feel/ have bodies that are exactly the same and interchangeable? Seriously?)
    How is that NOT racist?

    Why not just say “I like ___ color skin, this ___shape of eye, ___ color/texture hair, ___ body shape, ___ height, ___ weight, ___ eye color, someone who only speaks English, etc.

    It would be less grossly racist (sorta) if folks could just be specific about what they WANT instead of indicating how unappealing they THINK an entire race/ethnic group of men are based solely upon the fact that they belong to a particular category.

    I’m not seeing why that’s isn’t just common sense?

    Just say what you want.

    1. We are making a mountain out of a mole hill here… Anyways it doesn’t matter how you choose to phrase it someones going to turn it around on you and out words in your mouth. The fact is the bleeding hearts seem to think that even the thought of not finding ________ sexually attractive is wrong.

  35. i don’t see how listing ones sexual preferences online is racist or derogatory. There are just as many Blacks or Asians on DOG who say No Whites. It’s bad enough PC’s are sugarcoating the rest of the world… What next? Banning the word Twink? Jock? Bear? Top or Bottom? Get over it and find someone who cares…

    1. A twink can hit the gym (or the ‘roids) and cease to be a twink. A bear can come down with manorexia and cease to be bear. Tops and bottoms? Well, I’ve known loads of gays who vacillate between those labels. Race, however, is an immutable characteristic (like being gay). There’s no changing that. To “pre-judge” an individual because they belong to a certain group/race is discrimination. Plain and simple.

      1. These comments aren’t “pre-judging” someone based on race… It’s a matter of what gets my dick hard over something that doesn’t…

        In this day and age plastic surgery can pretty much change anything you aren’t happy with. Micheal Jackson is a prefect example. Only in America can a poor black boy grow up to be a white woman…

        These sites are designed to be superficial. I’ve got several “black” friends, I’ve got plenty of “fat” friends, I’ve got several “asian” friends etc. Do I want to fuck any of them? NO So am I sexist because as a gay man I don’t have sex with woman? Would it make me even more sexist if I put that on my MH profile?

        1. No, (as a male) not wanting to sleep with women doesn’t make you misogynist/sexist… it makes you a homosexual. And as Persa says below, that is immaterial to the issue at hand.

          “In this day and age plastic surgery can pretty much change anything you aren’t happy with. Micheal Jackson is a prefect example. Only in America can a poor black boy grow up to be a white woman…”

          So you’re saying if an Asian guy bleached his skin/hair and had surgery on his epicanthic folds/eyelids, you’d consider dating this person?

          *waits, crickets chirping*

          Didn’t think so…

        2. MJ had a skin condition called vitiligo that has nothing to do with plastic surgery.Despite that AND plastic surgery is still known and recognized as a black icon by the entire world..Please update your example archive.

  36. Isn't It Obvious

    Clearly you’re only a racist if you’re not into blacks or asians…

    Nice article :D, don’t know why some people think preference is the same as discrimination. Guess they’re just attention seekers out to victimise themeselves.

  37. It’s pretty common online, not so much on Grindr. And really it just makes black/minority people feel shitty and unattractive when we read it five times in one night. That’s all. We’re just trying to get off like everyone else and we have to read “sorry, [generic category of millions of people] need not apply.” But we deal with it, because what else is there to do?

    People have preferences, I do too, but I always leave myself open to new experiences. I don’t normally like twinks, but I’d never say “no twinks.” You never know! There are a lot of twinks out there.

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