No, I Did Not Have A One-Night Stand With Chelsea In Cancun

Hey guys, Garrett Michaels here from Next Door Studios. First off, I want to extend my gratitude to the editors of The Sword for allowing me the space to share my side of the story in regards to what happened (or what didn’t happen, actually) in Cancun with The Sword’s new intern, Chelsea. Let me be clear: I did not have sex with Chelsea. In fact, I have never even met Chelsea.

Chelsea’s blog post last week about the ethics of a blogger sleeping with a gay porn star (I’m reluctant to use the word “gay” since I’m straight and proud of it, but for the purposes of this rebuttal, I suppose it’s alright) wasn’t just disingenuous (as if she really cares about “ethics”—she’s an intern at a gay porn blog)—it was a flat out lie. I have never been to Cancun. I have never had a one-night stand. And I have no idea who Chelsea even is. A friend at Next Door Studios forwarded me Chelsea’s blog post the other day asking me if it was true, and I was shocked. Why would someone go to such lengths to just completely make something up about someone? I don’t get it.

Not only were Chelsea’s lies downright nuts, they were extremely damaging to me on a personal level. The fact of the matter is, throughout the month of April and Spring Break when Chelsea claims we had our one-night stand, I was actually helping to care for my sick grandmother in Indiana. During these challenging weeks, I had to leave my girlfriend home alone waiting for me here in California. So just imagine how confusing these last few days have been, trying to explain to my girlfriend that no, I was not “secretly” in Cancun having an affair with an intern, I truly was tending to my dying grandmother! Luckily, my girlfriend’s faith and trust in me is stronger than the sick ramblings of a college intern.

You might actually know my girlfriend. Her name is Brittney Bunny.

Me and Brittney’s first scene together for Next Door Studios was released last week, and it’s quite a coincidence that Chelsea published her little story right around the same time. I was warned from the onset that there are some real crazies in this industry—the fans, the scene partners, the studio heads, you name it. But I never thought it would be an intern blogger who would come for me first. But when you look like I do, I guess you have to be prepared for anything—and anyone.

Brittney and I have been to hell and back, and we aren’t about to let Chelsea or anyone else tear us apart. After my grandmother passed in May, Brittney was really there for me—just like I was really there for Brittney after the breast reconstruction surgery she had to get following a botched boob job.

I guess I should be thankful to Chelsea for being such a pathological liar. Since her deceitful blog post, the bond between Brittney and me has grown stronger than ever. And I think that’s evident in our new scene for Next Door Studios. Check it out and enjoy. Especially you, Chelsea.

 

[Next Door Studios: Brittney Bunny & Garrett Michaels]

[Editor’s Note: In light of the above statements from Garrett Michaels, The Sword has decided to terminate Chelsea’s employment, effective immediately. We wish her well in her future endeavors.]
 

42 thoughts on “No, I Did Not Have A One-Night Stand With Chelsea In Cancun”

  1. Hey everyone, it's me Chelsea ...

    Miss me ? I know you do. Look, don’t let the lies trick you. Look at the facts. Whose posts have been getting the most comments on this blog ? Fact. I did not write that column about sleeping with Garrett Michaels (I didn’t even know who that troll was …). Who do you think *really* wrote that post ? Hmmmmm ? Who would be jealous of my success on this website ? Let’s think about it together. Who could it be ?? Uhhhh … wait ….

    And if my success here wasn’t enough reason for insane jealousy, the fact that I am dating (and by that I mean fucking) Mick Lovell ended up being the straw that broke …. well, you know the rest.

    But I’m a big girl. And I’m young, And pretty. (younger and prettier than the other blogger here). Look for big things from me. You haven’t seen the last of me (especially here). My first venture will be designer backpacks. They’re adorable and you’re going to love them. Perfect for carrying your condoms, lube and other toys. Unlike the vicious portrayal of me in that fake Garrett post, I’m a safety girl. I’m down for dirty hobo sex just like the next girl, but he’s going to be wearing a raincoat, so to speak. TTFN.

  2. This is absolutely unacceptable!! As a follower of thesword for over a year now I DEMAND Chelsea’s position here be reinstated affective immediately. Chelsea’s fresh input was a necessary reinvigoration of this site and her snarky wit and dedication to her craft can not be replaced. The fact that her honesty about a night filled with love-making and life-reaffirming passion with her soul mate would compromise her position here at thesword is reprehensible. Chelsea and Garrett are kindred spirits. This is undeniable. It’s not her fault that Mr. Michaels couldn’t man up and commit to her. Zach, I know you’ve been doing this for a while, but there are just some things in gay porn that a fresh out of college female would understand more than you. What are you going to do to satisfy the perspective of the millions upon millions of straight teenage girls that religiously frequent your blog? This was a bad step for the blog and an even worse step for justice in general. I got your back, Chelsers! Hope to see you back soon, gurl!

    -Joethehobo

  3. First let me make clear “this is bull” is not me!

    second I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe at the coochie pics.

    As for this guy, I do like his look, but he isn’t really gay porn quality. And I doubt str8 porn will hire him, they want bigger dicks usually. Maybe a kink site would.

  4. Effie's Big Dinner

    HAWT! But he would be hotter if he had a full sleeve of tatts & a boatload of piercings, changed his name to Enrique de la von Monsanto and were sucking Cody’s cock while mugging for the camera. Like, at what point in the filming process, do the directors(not sure if that word is appropriate here)say “look comatose & sexy?”

    I predict a 25-30% increase in NDS’ membership due to this scene.

    Wonder what Gar’s hair product regiment might be?

  5. Poor Chels.....

    What the f ?? Chelsea’s picture was on the front page everytime she posted. All the haters had to do was skip her post and move on to the next one about the latest fabulous ass, the newest, biggest penis or the hottest gay porn triple penetration.

    I for one have never been happier (my oily skin problem is now long gone). I think Chelsea was being paid off by Next Door to promote that ugly skank Garrett (frankly, Chelsea wouldn’t be with someone with such a small penis)

    I hope Chelsea goes rogue and hacks back into this site to give her two cents (to the doubters, I ask … How do we know that Zach is not the fake persona and Chelsea has been running this blog the whole time).

    I fear however that this is the beginning of a downward spiral for sad, sensitive Chelsea …. I foresee plenty of illegal drugs and more unprotected hobo sex for tragic Chelsea. I expect soon enough that we’ll see her obituaary on this very site she loved so much and worked so hard on.

    I’ll go out on a limb now and say it ……RIP, Chelsea.

  6. So is Garrett Michaels an example of Paul Wagner’s great talent recruiting skills? What local sex offender registry did he find him at? Well I guess it’s better then working the tilt-a-whirl at a carnival in Arkansas while Def Leppard blasts in the background.

  7. I find it strangest that every “writer” on here (Zach, “Chelsea,” and “Garrett/Garth Broooks”) all have wonderful writing skills and great grammar.

  8. “as if she really cares about “ethics”—she’s an intern at a gay porn blog”

    When compared to what? A senator? A lawyer? A straight porn actor?

    I also agree with the others, this stuff doesn’t belong here— unless you’re doing a hell of a job rebranding and turning straight.

  9. hahahaha….this is the funniest thing i’ve read on here!

    Zach really is laugh out loud funny sometimes…but someone is going to break his face one day!

  10. P.S.: the girlfriend, that looks like she’s 40 with a bad makeup and with the scar of the boob-job, is indeed very classy, they are meant for each other!

  11. Does this mean that this guy will start doing just straight porn and we won’t see his face anymore? If so, we can say the existence of Chelsea had actually some purpose.

    P.s.: and you, get over a couple of vagina shots, there’s worse in the world!

    1. Ya know, I think I’m gonna mozy on over to a straight porn blog and start posting pics of Johnny Rapid getting double-fucked by Rafael Alencar (and a nightstick/some random dude) or pics of Erik Rhodes getting fisted. And when people start complainin’, I’ll tell them to get over it.

        1. Oh, you mean the story that Zach just totally made up so he’d have an excuse to showcase this skank’s vajayjay?

  12. This Zach is turning into one of the most dis-gusting thing you have ever done and I have been very supportive you in the past but enough with the Vagina & prick sex this is not gay-porn. And if Garrett-Michaels is so proud of being str8 then he should take his ass to str8-porn and see how much money he can make fucking those bitches in str8-porn instead of working for a gay own porn company that make str8-porn for gay and bi males retards who enjoy that dis-gusting stuff.Because I don’t I’m gay and proud of it and I also want to see real gay-porn with real gay men in it who also enjoy having sex with men and not str8-g4pers who are all doing gay porn for money and not because they like gay sex.Enough of these g4p leeches who are just taking advantage of gay men for their money and running home their bitches and laughing about how stupid gay men are for giving them their money while they dis-spies gay men and gay sex give a bone and send their asses home?

    1. Very good, passionate, comment from SuperGay. I don’t mind a bisexual guy performing in a dominated gay site (though many straight girls are known to cruise gay sites), because a bisexual guy is at least enjoying performing with another dude. But, you know when the guy is “straight” because it shows in his performance. I thought this Garrett guy was pretty hot at first, but not so much now…When James Jamesson had longer hair, he was much more hotter than Garrett, but I love James’ shorter hair, and especially his hairy chest!!!!

      Anyway, straight guys pretending to enjoy the gay sex is an instant turn-off to me, and I can usually spot them in these videos anyway. Besides, a truly straight guy will not perform in a gay site, unless he’s willing to be honest about his sexuality online and off.

  13. 1.) Enough with the Vag on gay porn sites.
    2.) Never heard of him.
    3.) Never heard of her.
    4.) They fuck other people for a living – who cares if he banged another chick/dude.
    5.) Heneeds a haircut, has an average dick and I honestly couldn’t pick him out if I saw him in Walmart.
    6.) Whats with this “straight” pride in gay porn – we have really given them the power – and they are ruining it.
    VAGINA ISN’T GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    7.) Quite obvious that this Chelsea is/was a plant – if she ever existed at all – another NDS marketing ploy that
    the Sword has gone along with – to rack-up those affiliate links.

  14. Awwwwwwwwwww .....

    Chelsea, we hardly knew ya !! Totally understandable why you’d want everyone to think you landed a total stud like Garrett. Best of luck in your future endeavors. Here’s hoping Garrett doesn’t have to get a restraining order against you (the way Mick Lovell has had to get one against Zach. How embarrassing.)

  15. Wow Zach killed off one of his alter egos pretty quickly.

    Now he’s a creepy looking lame “straight” guy who does porn.

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