Rites Of Ass-age: Adam Ramzi on the Major Chemistry He Had With Tommy Defendi

WELL. The last piece I wrote garnered… a bit of a reaction. And you know what? That’s totally cool. Apparently you aren’t anybody unless you’re pushing a few buttons. Except for one thing: When it comes to this topic of gay-for-pay, I still think I’m right, at least about the proverbial surface I’ve scratched on this very complicated subject. And if you don’t agree, you really don’t have to continue reading. But for those of you who do wish to continue, I’m going to tell another story about getting fucked on camera! YAY!!! But don’t worry, for any of you who actually give a crap about my opinions, it will loop in the discussion from the last post.

The scene with Joe Parker, as I wrote about a couple posts ago, was exciting in its own unique way, in that it was my first and it was with someone with whom I fortunately shared instant chemistry. Two months after completing that scene, I was hired to do my first location shoot, my first with director Steve Cruz (with whom I would go on to do many more scenes), and my first with the one, the only, Tommy Defendi, in a little movie called Timberwolves.

The scene, which was Scene 2 in Raging Stallion's Timberwolves (2013).
The scene, which was Scene 2 in Raging Stallion’s Timberwolves (2013).
When the scene was pitched to me, I looked Tommy up, as I had not heard his name before. When I mentioned it to some of my friends, including pornhound and Scissor Sister, Jake Shears, it became clear that Tommy, at the young age of 24, was a veteran in the business and was somewhat of an institution. Upon more research, I found that at the time, he had very recently won the Grabby award for “Best Cock,” and this, of course, excited and terrified me simultaneously. I love a big dick, but I also like keeping my colon intact. And like I said, porn shoots can be a bit long.

All that aside, the truth was Tommy, from the pics I saw, was a pretty good-looking dude, meeting and working with Steve Cruz sounded pretty fun, and I was clearly down to continue down the porn rabbit hole. So I signed up.

Tommy, it turns out, is even more handsome in person. He and I were picked up together from the airport, and soon after that we were driven to a house in Guerneville, CA, where we would stay the night before looking for locations to shoot some dialogue and b-roll. We then would eventually end up at an adorable little cabin in which we would shoot our scene.

Now this was only scene number two for me, and remember that the prior scene with Joe was in a studio set environment, in which we only had mere minutes to get to know each other before it was time to get to work. This time, I had about 24 hours to hang out with Tommy before there would be any shooting of any kind, and we were surrounded by trees, nature, and so much quiet. We spent the afternoon getting to know each other on the deck, and I admittedly was feeling him out for any kind of attraction, hoping for the same fireworks I had instantly with Joe. No dice.

He told me about his experience with work, where he was from, and what his life was like socially and romantically. It became clear that Tommy was, for the most part, romantically interested in women, but enjoyed sex with men in a professional setting, whether as an escort or as a performer. I winced. I may have even pouted. I began speaking about my time in school and my experience as a counselor. He seemed interested, especially in the bisexual visibility topic, and asked a couple questions. I felt better, because I realized he didn’t necessarily want to spend the entire time talking about himself (a symptom of being in the spotlight in the porn world, I would find).

As I mentioned in the Adam Baran interview last summer, I broke it down rather quickly for Tommy. “Listen, Tommy,” I said. “I know you’ve been doing this a while, and clearly you’re good at it because you get hired rather often. But I’m kind of new at this, and I need a little of this from you, you know?” I gestured with my two fingers to the invisible line between his eyes and mine.

“Well, what do you mean?” he asked innocently.

B4BDp9gCIAIvIFvI hesitated, and then I looked even deeper into his big brown eyes and said, “I need you to make me feel special.”

He thought for a moment. “Yeah,” he said. “I can do that.”

I still wasn’t sure if this was the foot-in-mouth moment I was fearing it to be at the time, but we shot our b-roll, we shot our dialogue, we had a few laughs. And finally, that moment on camera when he comes downstairs without his pants on, his dick flopping around, and we begin to kiss is actually the first time he and I ever made any intimate contact.

And it. Felt. A. Mazing. The chemistry in this scene. Every time we kissed, every time he looked directly at me, every second of eye contact, every time he grabbed the back of my neck with his big hands. His fit but natural body. The noises he made. And obviously, his gorgeous dick.

I won’t say it was an easy scene to shoot. There was much work to be done, in terms of set-up. The lighting, the furniture, how to utilize the space for our needs, the weather. In between takes, he and I didn’t interact a whole lot. He scrolled through his phone, mostly for inspiration. I took great care to make sure I was hydrated and healthy, and ready. You know, back there.

But every time we were engaged on camera, I felt something different. It felt like a victory. It felt like every straight guy in high school I had a crush on but couldn’t quite get the attention and affection that I wanted from was in the room now. When he comes down those stairs, his tall, half-naked body coming toward me, and he grabs me by the neck and kisses me that first time. When he cared enough to touch or lick my sensitive nipples while he was fucking me. Every single kiss. It felt validating. It was fun. And when it was time to cum, I got down on my knees and his cumshot had such force and velocity. When I watch that part of the scene, I see it in my face. I am more than satisfied. Soon after, I shot my load too, and he laughed as he said, “Aw yeah,” the scene wrapped, we hugged sweaty hugs, went home, and relaxed. And I felt like the little gay boy inside me was vindicated.

adam-tommy-hor

 

Epilogue: Timberwolves went on to be one of Raging Stallion’s biggest hits that year, and it also brought to my life friendships with not only Steve and Tommy, but also Boomer Banks (who was shooting his first scene), Marcus Isaacs, and eventual scene partners Shawn Wolfe and Aleks Buldocek. It was like porno sleepaway camp, and it was so much fun. And when it came time for the Grabbys the following spring, the film was nominated for best feature, I was nominated for Best Newcomer and Best Bottom, and Tommy and I were nominated for best duo. And I really thought we had a shot at winning the last one, but WHATEVER Shawn Wolfe and Hunter Page in that Naked Sword movie! (Kidding. That scene was hot too.)

But here I am, describing all of the above, in order to illustrate the point that Tommy, who gave me one of my best scenes to date, identifies as bisexual and is currently in a romantic relationship with a woman. He and I have remained friends, actually shot another scene together for Hot House, and have communicated a little bit about this topic. And in terms of the work we have created for your viewing pleasure, none of this really MATTERS. We got off, you got off, end of story.

So many of the negative comments about the last post seemed to harp on the fact that hiring men who are not solely gay-identified to act in gay porn films is doing the gay community some kind of disservice. Never once did any comment I read (and I couldn’t possibly read all of them) ever mention what it may bring to the people involved in creating these scenes, nor did they consider the hours of pleasure it may bring to the millions of porn watchers who really just don’t give a shit about the personal lives of the men who are fucking each other on their TV or computer screens.

I am not at all saying that men in the gay porn limelight who hide their sexual identities are doing the right thing. But I’m reminding you that they are people too, with their own stories. Some are men with families, wives, and children. Or they’re men with other jobs where coworkers might not be so understanding. Or they’re men who haven’t quite figured themselves out yet. Or they’re men who are so blinded by the spotlight that they’re not quite sure how to navigate the gay porn landscape. Showering them with hate and shaming them for “doing it wrong” isn’t going to help them with their path, nor is it going to help you with your cause, which is presumably to see hotter porn.

I am also understanding from the comments that they are a little more thought out than just the blind hatred for these guys. Some commenters mention (at great length) the fact that hiring mostly straight-identified men to portray the masculine gay ideal in gay porn is reinforcing the notion that gay men are not “good enough.” The point they seem to be missing here is that these guys explore the grey area BETWEEN straight and gay, be it bisexual, pansexual, fluid, or unlabeled. And that’s okay.

It’s a job. And if the models are good at it, the rest is really their business, not yours. If they’re assholes, it’s a whole other story. But good guys come in every shape, size, and sexual identity, too. If they’re hot, and they’re convincing you that the sex they’re having is hot, why, really, are you complaining?

A clip from scene in question, below. Watch it all here.

 

 

[NakedSword: Timberwolves]

 

57 thoughts on “Rites Of Ass-age: Adam Ramzi on the Major Chemistry He Had With Tommy Defendi”

  1. Another awesome post Adam! I love the whole high school crush thing. Thanks again for trying to break down the walls of sexual identity and opening yourself up. There are so many narrow minded haters commenting on this… don’t get it. It’s like racism in the 50’s. Whatever.

  2. While your expierence with tommy might have been a good one I suspect it’s an exception. The problem with g4p is you can usually tell. ie…. Boring lackluster scenes followed by insulting social media evidence or interviews about just how g4p they are and how much they hate what they are doing. Your argument as compelling as it might seem, is definitely moot

  3. This entire article is rendered null-and-void for the simple face that Tommy Defendi is not straight. He’s not gay for pay, he’s damn close to completely bisexual. The man is not straight. He doesn’t even claim to be heterosexual.

    Adam Ranzi needs to understand that the overall backlash against “Gay 4 Pay” is against the guys who do not reciprocate in any way; the ones who act like somehow getting their dick sucked by a man is less gay than sucking dick; the ones who look visibly homophobic while STARRING IN gay porn.

    Yes, there are some crazed fringe fanatics who only want “gay” men in gay porn or who believe bisexuality doesn’t exist or who think that any guy in gay porn who says he’s bisexual is actually “straight” – but those crazies do NOT represent the majority.

    The majority of us only want to see hot guys having hot sex.
    Tommy Fucking Defendi is not applicable in this case. Tommy Defendi is hot and he has hot sex. Who the fuck is out there complaining about Tommy Defendi? This entire piece was one huge fail and a peek into Adam’s fucked up ego that’s in need of validation by straight-leaning men.

    Hey Adam, go do a scene with Cody Cummings then come back here and defend Gay 4 Pay and tell us how special Cody made you feel.

    Unless, of course, he makes you feel degraded and subhuman. Because, since you missed it — that’s the point. THAT’S the major problem most people have with Gay 4 Pay — men in gay porn who refuse to perform the basics of gay sex, men in gay porn who say homophobic shit, men in gay porn who make it a point to convey how disgusting they find gay sex.

    Men in gay porn who have questionable sexuality aren’t the issue here. Once again, you’re waaaaaaay off the mark.

    1. This is total bullshit.

      The vast majority of gay men wants to see gay men having sex with gay men in gay porn.Most gay men would rather watch average looking gay men who really enjoy gay sex than watch hot straight men who have big dollar signs in their eyes and cant wait to be done with their scenes.Then,degayed themselves by fucking their girlfriends.So,they can feel clean,un(sin)ed and normal again.

      Gay for pay is what destroyed gay porn.Theres no such things as straight men in gay porn.Unless the men only makes jerk off videos.But,any men in gay porn who have sex with men are bi at the very least.Stop defending these closeted bi men who just cant deal with any stigmas.So,they feel the need to say the bullshit copout (((i dont want labels and im just sexual))) excuse.These men needs to get with the times and they needs to stop lying to themselves.Theres nothing wrong with being bi.Most men are bi anyway.The Kinsey scale is very spot on and very clear.100% straight people and 100% gay men are the minorities.Those who are bi represents the vast majority.

      Think about it.What do you think straight men would say if most men in straight porn would be straight for pay men? So,straight men would be a minority in straight porn.So,it would be all about gay men playing it straight.Straight men would be as pissed as gay men.Because straight men doesnt want to see gay men faking it with women.Just the same way gay for pay men fakes it with men.Open your eyes and wake the fuck up.

      This sick gay for pay crap trend must stop.In all gay blogs you see gay men who are anti gay for pay.Anti gay for pay men outnumbers pro gay for pay men.

      You are just a gay for pay lover like (give more straight men sxg)

      Everybody knows that sxg is the king of the gay for pay lovers.He clearly defends them everytime he have the chance to.If sxg read the name Cody Cumming,he gets hard right away.

      Why straight men never have to go through that crap? Straight men can watch straight porn without having doubtds about having gay men invading their straight porn.The point is,gay men always have to wonder which men are gay and which men are mostly straight.Its unfair.If straight men can only have straight men in their porn,then gay men also should only have gay men in their gay porn.Its common sense.Its GAY porn after all.Not straight or (bi)

      The sexuality of gay porn stars is actually important.Straight men just kills the fantasy of gay men.Unless you are a self loathing gay man who praise straight men and get off on them.Gay men would also kill the fantasy of straight men.

      Gay porn used to have mostly gay men in the 70s and in the early 80s.The gay for pay crap started to spread in the mid 80s and became worst over the years.Now,gay men in gay porn represents a very small minority.Pathetic.Now,the vast majority of gay porn stars are Kinsey 1 men.Which means,men who tolerates cocks.But prefers vaginas.Gay porn became a joke.Because of self loathing gay men who thinks that straight men are more masculine and hotter than gay men.Thats fucked up.

      I will always be against gay men who defends gay for pay men.Keep in mind that most of these gay for money men doesnt give a fuck about gay men.

      Gay men who praise gay for pay men are actually worst than gay for pay men.

      Its not even gay porn anymore.Its basically just male porn.

      Enough with that gay for pay crap.Porn is alrealy fake enough.BRING GAY BACK! This is what most gay men wants.Gay porn needs to be gay again.

      The gay for pay trend will eventually slow down.More and more gay men will appear in gay porn and you will see less and less Kinsey 1 men.Its inevitable.Theres way too much anti gay for pay men against fakers who looks bored.You will see.Its only a matter of time.You might not believe it now.But,you will eventually.

      Any gay men with common sense knows im right.Only self loathing gay men will disagree.

      The most important thing is…

      Only gay men should be allowed to make gay porn.Period.

  4. Where have I been. I thought for sure Tommy was gay. My gad at went off the charts when I saw some BTS footage of him. He has never done anything for me though so I guess I wouldn’t be up on his info. But Adam has a good point that I think is seriously overlooked in this “debate”. Most of us don’t give a shit what a performer does in his personal life as long as they make hot porn.

  5. Some of the pseudo-intellects who post on this blog are so ridiculous, and they are an embarrassment to themselves. Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one, and most of them stink!!

  6. I forgot to say that Tommy is one of my fave actors even though he’s a bisexual. I never read a single article or post that he said bad towards gay men in my almost 4 years of following blogs like TheSword. His big brown eyes and Tobey Maguire look is a Wow for me.

  7. I never thought that Ms Ramzi was this stupid and pea sized brain defending g4pay actors and their willing victims like himself. First of all we didn’t hated straight or bisexual guys as long as they are honest and not like you as to how they treat the community. Gosh Adam Ramzi it was sad to know a model like you was more self hating than their supporters.

    1. You have no room to judge a person’s intelligence considering you can’t properly speak in English. We are aware that English is not your first language, but if you’re going to come into a conversation that is predominately run in English, you better know the language. And even if you did know how to speak English, you would still be the dumbest pieces of shit on this blog since you come on here thinking you’re a know-it-all about gay sex and the gay community when you have experienced neither.

        1. Because I can write and speak English properly? Then I’m fortunate to be a disgrace to the Latino community! You’re a disgrace to the Asians and Filipinos in the world because you’re such a clueless cunt that needs to get that putrid hole of yours stuffed and fisted so you have something to brag about.

          1. Dont worry if the right guy will come I would tell you..and dont you brag that you speak english properly because I knew that’s the only language you know. You couldnt even speak Spanish which supposed to be your native language. Lol

    1. i would say more like the armchair blowhards than pc police.
      it’s just a bunch of douchey jealous guys who only live in the negative.

  8. I think the biggest problem gay porn has right now is the lack hot guys. Used to be that was the advantage gay porn had over straight porn, but not anymore. Looking at the XBIZ awards nominees, I kinda felt bad for the gay porn category cuz they seemed like total schlubs next to the straight porn nominees. So now they have hotter guys, better erections, and none of the G4P awkwardness. Have you seen straight porn from eastern/central Europe? It’s some of the same guys in their gay porn but without the dead look in their eyes.

    I’m not really trying to say anything with this post, it’s hard to criticize an industry that’s just seems like it’s trying to stay afloat. But I find myself watching more and more straight porn and feeling guilty about it. It’s increasingly becoming easier to find straight porn that can cater to gay guys than it is to find gay porn that hasn’t been edited to shit.

  9. Adam Ramzi is one the the dullest people I’ve met before. The one time I had an interaction with him he was so empty headed that I immediately regretted the conversation I had with him. A the the age he’s in give or take he’s got about one year in porn before he’s forced into retirement or he starts shooting for treasure island.

  10. lol I like Tommy Defendi. Don’t know who Adam Ramzi is, but he sounds like a douche! Glad you could feel special for once in your life tho lol

    1. Trust me, this serial-relationship needing whore feels special every time he gets another dick, at least for the 30 minutes before the dick walks out the door.

  11. I think the phrases: ” It felt like every straight guy in high school I had a crush on but couldn’t quite get the attention and affection that I wanted from was in the room now…” and “Every single kiss. It felt validating…” exactly explain the problem with gay-for-pay porn phenomenon. Both the viewer and the porn performer, of which are gay, feel vindicated by a “straight” guy going gay.

    This is no different than some “straight” performer running around talking about gay sexuality in degrading terms, and repeatedly state that they are only interested in straight sexuality and romantic life, because they are desperately seeking validation as well. Granted, Tommy Defendi is one of the few “straight” guys that don’t exaggerate this point.

    But if in both cases, I’m a judgmental prick, because I see both validation attempts as pathetic, well so be it. I do roll my eyes at men, who would limit themselves by binary(good/bad) thinking, while simultaneously rail and accuse others for committing. Tommy and Adam are falling into this trap. Why do the both of YOU limit yourself to binary thinking of sexuality, and instead go with the “grey” areas you so mention Adam?

  12. Also it’s so clear how Adam’s narcissism is being fed by having “chemistry” with this bisexual costar (Christian wilde is another. I’m sure The Sword will publish the insipid account of that shoot shortly). Adam is so vocal about this because he is so egotistically “satisfied” by having a straight identified man “make him feel special”. (I am pretty sure Tommy could Make anybody Feel special but for Adam its “really” special .

  13. It’s sad to me that this narcissist thinks he’s going to be able to help anybody. You’re done with grad school, starting clinical internship but decide to start porn first? In your 30s? And then you wax nolstagic about “chemistry” with Tommy DEfendi(whom I love btw)? Because it made your 30 something self feel complete from wanting straight boys in your youth? Fuck we all did. Your not special. But you thinking porn helped you with your sexuality at the age of 30 is pathetic. Might as well keep at it. You’ll never be good at therapy.

          1. And why is he actually smart and intelligent? So far he is no different than Adam Ramzi, Colby spews as much crap as he or Conner Habib does, yet they’re still just pornstars. These are pornstars good for them for having more brains than the average pornstars but for the most part we don’t care. We only care what goes into your mouths and asses and not what comes out of them.

    1. That’s usually one of the complaints about lousy porn, complete lack of chemistry between the performers. From the perspective of a porn viewer I’d like it to be there too, makes the fantasy that bit more believable. Not always going to happen of course, but it doesn’t seem like a bad thing to want really.

    1. I don’t get why people have this need to call names or swear at other people online. I don’t agree with half of what Miss Ramzi says and I actually think that was a desperate outcry from his inner school girl, deep within, craving straight cock and he gets it through porn. But why use such foul language towards a human being you don’t even know? makes you feel special?

  14. jeeeeezzzzz guys get over it and leave the guy alone. I found his recount of the scene interesting and informative. I’m always interested in hearing about shoots and behind the scenes, not interested in reading all your boring negative bs.

    1. Actually, it isn’t well written at all.

      While he tries to put everything into perspective by saying that porn “acting” is nothing more than a job, and popularity is normally coalescent with looks, charisma and the quality of performances, he completely loses any credibility by saying that men who have sex for money and no other reason, are somehow highlighting the issue of bi-erasure and promoting greater awareness regarding the many guises of sexuality in our sexually repressive society. Bisexuality isn’t dependent on a paycheck, and it is a far more complex issue than having some random bisexual guy make you “feel special” because it’s part of his job.

      These men are doing a job (they don’t necessarily like), in order to pay their bills. There’s no greater consequence to what they do, outside of porn circles. People don’t watch them and think “oh, he identifies as straight, bi-curious, bisexual or refuses to label himself and has sex with other men – gosh, he is doing SO MUCH to promote a healthy image for the bisexual community!”. They simply watch and get off or, in some cases, become interested in the person outside of the scene’s context.

      Also, I find his absurd idea that having sex with men who are in relationships with women is somehow vindicating of, or providing positive assurance regarding his own homosexuality, to be absurd. A man is being paid to kiss you and gave sex with you (which he would never do without the incentive of a capital exchange taking place), treats you politely and that somehow translates into experiencing something wonderful that allows you to feel validated in your own sexuality? Really? His arguments are incredibly biased, self-indulgent and childish.

      Regarding his final assertion, many people dislike G4P men because they openly express their contempt for same sex activity, and the men whose same sex attraction is allowing them to perform in their jobs, in exchange for a paycheck. Yes, it’s true that they are people as well and that the objective of porn isn’t to promote integration, but the truth is that porn models are part of the gay cultural sphere whether they like it or not, and their actions and expressed opinions do have an impact on how people (their public), will respond to them. The fact that they are people with families and problems of their own is irrelevant. They are in the porn limelight, and they will be scrutinized like everybody else who works with the public.

      In short, this piece seems to be a love letter to straight and bisexual men who validate the delusions of a self-hating gay Narcissist, who feels special each time he gets someone to kiss him and fuck him in exchange for money… Because G$P and bi men are people, too, and that somehow means that they are fighting against bisexual erasure and makes the people who criticize them, intolerant and evil.

      OK. Brilliant opinion piece… Not.

      1. I wasn’t initially posting to you, but I will explain. My comment was concerning the mechanics of the piece, not the content. I’m an English teacher, so I notice those things. Make sure you’re hating someone for the correct reason.

  15. … you want to have chemistry with all your partners?! HA, good luck lasting in porn. Lucky your “career” has lasted as long as it has as of now.

  16. Can somebody just stick a dick in this guys mouth, it’s the only thing he’s good at. I hope you’re not paying this guy.

    1. LMFAO I agree! that was more like a rant than a post. Thanks for telling us how much you are fascinated by straight and/or bi guys who end up married to women, Mr. Ramzi. On to the next post!

      1. Most of those guys end up doing backroom and bathhouse gay sex to accommodate both their desires for conformity and the need for gay sex.

        1. I really feel sorry for Miss Ramzi and I’m sure if Tommy could read this rant he would too, cos he makes it look like he is desperate for straight cock. Poor thing can only dream about a straight man fucking him and make him feel desired but, sadly, in the end of the day that straight man will be cuddling up with his gf/wife and Miss Ramzi will be left in tatters after he woke up from the dream. People seem to be really naive and can’t see past the performance even if there was chemistry the straight guy was thinking about pussy lmao

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