And now it’s time to talk about The Swordie Awards, which were all handed out on Sunday at the Tim & Roma brunch in Chicago. This year I gave out prizes for Best Dressed (at the Grabby Awards), Least Dressed, Angriest Top, and more.
Also, I wanted to give a shoutout to a few of the perfect body parts that were on display over the weekend beginning with Duncan Black’s nipple. Even though Sean Cody’s Stu technically won in our Best Nipples poll, Duncan’s beautiful nipple was the only one I had eyes for.
Last year’s Swordie for Best Ass, as chosen by the readers, went to JD Phoenix, and this year I need to give him an honorable mention for Finest Armpit.
I also need to call out the great perfection of Tommy Defendi’s back. It’s beautiful, right?
This year’s unofficial Swordie for Best Ass of the Weekend (we didn’t hand this prize out this year) goes to Jimmy Durano.
And even though he went home empty-handed at the Grabbys (he did win Performer of the Year in 2013, though), Jimmy Durano is a two-time Swordie Award winner this year. He’s the 2014 winner for Best Dressed, for the black sequined jacket and black snakeskin-patterned shirt he wore to the ceremony.
Along with Best Dressed, I gave out a prize for Least Dressed, and that one (obviously) went to Element Eclipse.
Last year’s Swordie Award winner for Best Hair, Trenton Ducati, took home this year’s prize for Angriest Top. But he really is super friendly and nice when he’s not fucking.
Along with Angriest Top, I also gave a prize for Tiniest Bottom, which obviously went to eentsy weentsy pocket gay Armond Rizzo. Here’s a photo of Jimmy Durano getting ready to toss him in the air. Sadly, Armond was not at the brunch to accept his award.
Best Orgasm Face (While Grabbing Nipple) went to Tommy Defendi! He clarified that it is always the left nipple, specifically.
And NakedSword’s Tim Valenti was excited to give out this final, special Swordie for 2014, however the recipient had left the building and was not able to claim her prize. If someone could please let her know. It’s sitting on Tim’s desk, just waiting.
If Sean Cody’s Stu would please like to come over to my house to accept his framed Swordie Award for Best Nipples, that would be nice.