Yo! There’s Cocaine in Red Bull!

An elaborate chemical analysis of the drink found trace amounts of de-cocainized extract of the coca leaf, which means that the energy drink can not be considered a foodstuff and must be classified as a narcotic.

To clarify, the drug was found in the relatively new Red Bull Cola, not the standard Red Bull Energy Drink — ironically, the product website still says “100% Cola. Without chemicals?” 

Backpedaling about this breaking news about their secret formula — which we now see the brilliance of… inspired as it is by olden days Coca Cola, which probably never would have become as popular without the addition of a little BLOWCAINE — a spokeman for Red Bull said, “De-cocainized extract of coca leaf is used worldwide in foods as a natural flavouring.”

Yah, RIGHT.  Clearly if the shit’s an illegal additive we doubt it’d be in there were it not for some special energizing properties.  Anyway, this is clearly a better idea than simply naming your energy drink ‘Cocaine.’

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Red Bull Cola Could be Banned In Germany (UK Daily Mail)


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