You might as well say, “I would like to have a sexual encounter that is of or relating to sensation or the senses.”
9. Swimmer’s Build
This empty, overused self-descriptor — a favorite of those who don’t swim and aren’t built — is full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
8. Body Contact
As opposed to what? Telepathy?
Anyone who uses this term is a pedophile, and anyone who responds to it has a tattoo of angel wings over his pointy shoulder blades. That’s a no-go either way.
What a turn-off.
We get it. You’re smoke crystal meth. And you can’t develop the slightest hint of an erection but that doesn’t stop you from trying, bless your heart.
4. Man Pussy
Must we explain?
When we see the word “session,” we picture a queen with a planner.
Every male on the planet is technically a “son.” And every male on Craigslist looking for a “son” is technically a tool.
We had hoped this creepy infantilization of sex would be just another fad, but bros looking to ‘play’ simply won’t die. We’ve played checkers. We’ve played the piano. We’ve played with our toddler nephews. And not one of those things felt comporable to sticking a dick up an ass. What ever happened to “fuck”? Or, like, “hang out”?
A source has leaked details to The Sword about a new fucky fucky extension that will not be beholden to any of Apple's pearl-clutching restrictions.
I don't take sex seriously enough to commit to a Master/slave dynamic, so instead I'll just read this new blog written by a 39-year-old British sub slut named Fang.
1. You know it's a leather orgy when everyone takes a moment between foreplay and fucking so they can put their clothes back on.
When I discovered that a friend of mine trims his chest hair, I told him to think of the children in Africa who have no chest hair to shave in the first place. Now I've found a fur-obsessed Photoshopper who is helming the good fight against body shavers everywhere.
The hypothesis: you can put a shitload of condoms on a dildo. The conclusion: you can put a shitload of condoms on a dildo.