October 2007

Are Sales That Bad at Tom Ford Menswear?

TomFordThumb.jpgOUT Magazine may have divorced itself corporately from its not-fit-for-the-gay-coffee-table Liberation Publications siblings (Men, Freshmen, Unzipped), but that doesn’t mean it’s given up the skin-mag ghost. In the November issue, celebrity chest-hair-sporter Tom Ford unbuttoned more than just his shirt, appearing buck naked in a photo shoot with two actual models.

 

Full ass shot after the jump…

 

 

Porn Stars Make Coffee Too

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Joining the burgeoning ranks of porn stars who delight in recording everyday tasks for YouTube (“You may know me as a piss-drinking cum dumpster, but I also brush my teeth!”), Italian beefcake and COLT Man Carlo Masi teaches us to make coffee in this simple how-to using his native tongue.  Of course, we always find it entertaining when a porn star, no matter how foreign and domestic, makes such a grand gesture in dipping his finger in a pile of white powder to taste it for quality. Zucchero? Che lindo!

Full video after the jump…

Three British Bareback Twinks Contract HIV the Old-Fashioned Way

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Three young porn models, ages 18 to 26, were infected with HIV by another 26-year-old model during a recent single day’s bareback shoot in Britain.  The giving party in this case had tested negative several weeks before the shoot, which was assurance enough for producers, only to discover a few days after the shoot, during another routine antibody test, that he was in fact positive.  The three other models subsequently discovered their status using the newer viral DNA test which requires only a 48-hour window after infection. 

Francois Sagat is Foaming at the Mouth Over Britney

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Your one-stop shop for getting up in everybody’s asses! Each week we’ll dig up all the dirt that’s served to be dished so you won’t have to dig it up yourself. This week we have Michael Lucas’s faked death, Danny Roddick’s real death and porn star responses to Britney’s career death!  Who could ask for anything more?

Swallow it all down after the jump…

Boxcover of the Week: Get Shorty J (Flava Works)

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Let’s face it: John Travolta is a terrifying and disturbed individual. If you sat back and enjoyed him in Hairspray we’re going to stop being friends with you, and his creepy, narcissistic, Scientology-framed interviews in entertainment magazines are enough to make us lock ourselves in a room with DVDs of AbFab just so we won’t get brainwashed by the madness. Imagine the exquisite triumph then, when we discovered Get Shorty J! It’s like we can go back in time and un-cast John Travolta from that “cool” movie, and replace him with a trio of men of our dreams! Instead of going from mobster to Hollywood producer, this character goes from mobster to NAKED – and it rules. Throw out that little gift you received free with your first DVD player, because there’s a new version on the market and there’s no shitty sequel…yet.

See larger image after the jump…

The Sword Guide to Gay Party Drugs: Installment 1, Poppers

poppers.jpg The mustachioed granddaddy of back-alley fag enhancers, “poppers” is the name given to any number of alkyl or amyl nitrates found these days in little bottles labeled as “room odorisor” or “VCR head cleaner” with brand names like “Rush” and “BANG!!” and “Jungle Juice.”  The drug was originally a treatment for angina, and got its street name from being sold in small glass ampules that made a popping sound when they were crushed to release their vapors.  Once blamed for the ‘gay virus’ that appeared in 1981 (they now think that was something else), poppers are still said to cause temporary weakening of the immune system. After the jump, our complete field guide.

Chillidog

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The Transfer
198 Church Street
San Francisco
Tuesdays 9PM to 2AM

Though we do love Trannyshack, the place has its off-weeks.  Try the Transfer as an alternative…

Manic Mondays

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Bar on Castro
456 Castro Street
San Francisco

Mondays, 8PM – 2AM

When you offer 80-cent well drinks, expect the kids to show up in droves, even if it is a Monday night.  

Cuckoo Club

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Hiro Ballroom
363 W 16th Street
New York

Sundays 9PM – 4AM

It’s getting a little bit mobbed after midnight at this weekly fete, but given that Sundays are for drinking

Legend

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Vessel
85 Campton Place
San Francisco

3rd Sundays, 6PM

Vessel is pretty pricey, the kind of old school velvet rope joint, located behind Nike Town…

Cock Fight

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The Cock
29 2nd Ave
New York

Every Saturday

The East Village was ahead of the curve in bringing the dirtiness back to gay life in the late 90s

Adonis

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550 Barnveld
San Francisco

Saturday, November 10

DJ Manny Lehman spins at this big old homo ho-down

Trans Am

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Club 8
1151 Folsom Street

San Francisco

1st Saturdays 10PM – 2AM

When you’re as tired of hearing Janet remixes as we are, you might
want to head to this monthly party at Club 8, where the music tends
more to the punk and rock end of the spectrum.

The Rod

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Deco Lounge
510 Larkin Street
San Francisco

2nd Fridays 10PM – 2AM

Once a month, the more dingily denimed and Converse shoe’d 

Bloc Party

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Easternbloc
505 E 6th Street
New York

Every Friday

This is one of our favorite gay bars in New York: the music’s good, the boys are hip, the bartenders are cute and it’s the kind of come-as-you-are, non-BnT booze fest Manhattan needs more of.

Boy Bar

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The Café
2367 Market Street
San Francisco

Every Friday 9PM – 2AM

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to feel old before your time, washed up by age 28…

Feel White

 
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BT59, Sites de Terre Neuves, Rue Marc Sagnier, Begles.

Bordeaux-Begles

November 3, 2007

A Frenchier sort of White Party which bills itself as defined by deux mots (actually trois) “SMILE and HAPPY HOUSE.”  The more southern Gallic gays, in response to the lack of big parties in their neck of the woods, flock to this party in the Bordeaux suburb of Begles to whip off their shirts and–excuse our lackluster translation skills–“to feel, at the same time, the feet in Paris and the head in Barcelona.”  We’re sure it’s just like a night in Miami except way fewer Cubans and presided over by “la belle, la fabuleuse, la merveilleuse, l’incomparable… Mademoiselle Lucy,” who’s apparently a wicked big DJ over there. The action starts at 11 p.m. http://www.feel-detergent.com/

Latin Fever Puerto Vallarta

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Oscars, Rio Cuale
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

November 21-26

In case you’re closer to Puerto Vallarta than you are to Miami, and if you like your men with a little more Latin in their blood  then you may want to opt for this other White Party over the Thanksgiving weekend.  Gays don’t have families, right?  Who gives a fuck about Thanksgiving?  Tis the season for getting freaky with your bois and jumping up and down to some house music, dude.  DJs Cary Stringfellow (LA), Oscar Velazquez, and Ramses will be joined by drag diva Lady Bunny and international club diva Sofonda Fox. http://www.willgorges.com/

Greater Palm Springs Pride

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Downtown Palm Springs

November 3, 2007

You know the drill: parties, nods to culture like films and exhibits, fags mumbling “happy pride” while sipping mojitos, and a parade on Sunday featuring some dykes on bikes and uncomfortable tourists and trannies in shiny outfits.  It’s the closing event of California’s half-year-long pride festivities, and this time it’s in the desert people, with performances from Ari Gold, Brian Kent, and meteorologically inclined diva Martha Wash.  Bring your sunscreen, and your sense of entitlement, and wander the streets among the well-heeled gays of Southern California, i.e. the ones who choose what you watch on television and take percentages off the top from the Shakiras and Anistons of the world so they can keep themselves in fresh BMWs and Prada sandals. http://www.pspride.org/

 

Larry Craig’s Feces Phobia Gives Twink Trauma, Chest Hair

CraignBear.jpg Wonkette made our Thursday not just for referring to Congressman Larry Craig as “gay restroom goblin Larry Craig,” but for posting this exclusive interview with former geek twink turned “bear-about-town” David Phillips.  The take-aways from this piece: there apparently used to be a go-go-boy bar for rich, closeted right-wingers called La Cage Aux Follies on Capitol Hill and we wish we’d been there; Larry Craig is a feces-averse top; and Phillips, besides having apparently bent over for Craig in the Spring of ’87, was allegedly the trick of choice for a host of married Houston oil execs back in the day.

Featured International Events




1.


Icelandic Phallological Museum
HUSAVIK, ICELAND
Through Sept 10
It’s your last chance to visit the world’s only penis museum. Over 200 preserved phalluses represent every mammal that can be found in Iceland. (Yes, that means whales, polar bears and humans, among others.)


2.

Run For More Time
FRANKFURT
September 14
This popular charity event is the German counterpart to America’s Walk for Life. Not into exercise? Don’t care about AIDS? Skip the race and go straight to the beer-soaked after-party.


3.

Janet Jackson Rock Witchu Tour
VANCOUVER
September 10
After spending seven years away from the road, the mistress of thump kicks off her highly anticipated North American tour in Vancouver. Eh? Eh!


4.

Folsom Street Fair
SAN FRANCISCO
September 28
Are you ready, Daddy? This annual leatherfest is celebrating its 25th year of bald heads and hairy bodies. Time to polish those leashes and memorize those safe words!


5.

Atlantic Stampede Gay Rodeo
GAITHERSBURG, MD
September 5 – 7
Watch as that cowboy riles up a steer, mounts him and holds on tight. After the show, buy him a drink and show him what you learned.



6.

Gay Sunday at the London Zoo
LONDON
September 14
Hang out with the bears. Stave off the apes. Smile at the peacocks. And if you have time, go take a look at the animals too.


7.

Get Wet Weekend
CURACAO
September 25-28
Star DJs, boat parties and art shows await. How nice: a Caribbean island that throws the gay boys a party instead of stoning them outside a pharmacy in a mass mob. (Holla, Jamaica!)


8.

Rainbow March
SAPORRO
September 14
Saporro is not just a premium Japanese beer. It’s also the host of Japan’s longest-running gay pride parade. Don’t miss the dance party the night before the march.


9.

South African Gay Film Fest
JOHANNESBURG
September 4-14
Take in the best of gay and lesbian cinema with this diverse offering of screenings, workshops and city-wide events.


10.

Gay Ski Week
QUEENSLAND, NZ
Aug 29 – Sept 7
With powdery slopes, apres-ski socials, retro bowling, wine-country hiking and closing night dancing, this annual event attracts skiiers from across the gay globe.



Zac Efron Not Gay Yet, But Close

ZacTHUMB.jpg Oh, Zac. Don’t be coy. We know there’s something you’re dying to come out and say – at least as soon as the current hype dies down and you’ve already done the rehab thing and maybe packed on a couple pounds and your agent’s desperate for a new angle. Is it such a stretch to suggest that someone starring in a High School Musical (or 2) could be a little, uh, bohemian?

After the jump, we molest a red carpet photo in search of evidence.

The Worst in Gay Marketing: Bud Light

BudLightTHUMB.jpgOver the years, the Anheuser-Busch Companies and their advertising agency, DDB Needham Worldwide, have made some truly valiant efforts to court the gays into drinking more Bud Light (fags love diets!).  Among these inspired campaigns, found in back issues of Out and HX, we chose a few to remind us that Heidi Fleiss and David Forest aren’t the ones who should be charged with pandering.

After the jump, we take a look at the last decade of Bud Light print ads geared toward gays.

Is J. Lo Worth Your Gay Dollar?

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At Sword HQ, our taste in music is about as complex and diverse as the cast of a cable network reality show (that’s right, that complex). Since gays – a fickle, bitchy, demanding, selfish and notoriously bored demographic – are reputed to have somewhat stereotyped taste, we thought we’d experiment with our co-workers – a fickle, bitchy, demanding, selfish and notoriously bored bunch. So, you’re welcome. Each week we round up a small group of homosexuals from the NakedSword offices, lock them in a dark room with us and ask them to evaluate whether some new releases from gay-market-chasing recording “artists” are worth your sugar daddy/pimp/mom’s hard-earned gay dollar. This week: Radiohead and J.Lo.

After the jump, our colleagues’ analysis.

Marc Jacobs Way Too Proud of Skinniness, Tattoos

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Marc Jacobs is showing a lot of skin these days, and not just on his runway models. Jezebel notes that in this month’s issue of Arena Homme Plus, the it-man designer traipses about his Paris flat without a shirt on discussing the fact that he is having a mid-life crisis, buying a lot of jewelry, and getting some asinine tattoos (“I had thought, what a dumb thing to have your own name put on your body. But I really wanted to have my initial, so it had to be in the context of something really stupid: the M&M.”).  Of course, now we want more than a walk-on in the next Lucas feature…

More embarassment (and skin) after the jump.

Shear Revolt: Porn Stars Abandon Stylists

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For years our favorite porn stars were ones with popped collars and golden locks, but the masculine influence of the gay bears seems to have killed the once-dominant preppy aesthetic. The days of the Bumble-and-Bumble- moussed, frosted-tip, blond-spiked porn star is officially over, according to our survey of nearly fifty working men, few of whom even have time for highlights.

Nude Becks: Probably Photoshopped, Definitely Hot

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Photoshopped?  Probably.  Actually David Beckham?  Probably not (from the waist down anyway).  Shower nozzle masturbation material?  Um, yeah.

See full-size photo after the jump.

 

Cal/OSHA Inspects Naughty America for Safety Violations

calosha07THUMBFL2.jpgNews that Cal/OSHA, the government agency which monitors and enforces workplace safety and health, had been snooping around a Naughty America shoot sent ripples through the porn industry this week, sending gay porn producers in particular into a frenzy.

More after the jump…

 

Getting Dirty? Join Our Porn Star Panel

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As much as we love the porn industry, it’s not always the most reliable source of accurate information. Facts are notoriously hard to come by, and anecdotes quickly get cemented as truth.  While The Sword loves rumors as much as the next homosexual, we thought we’d go straight to the source and ask a few dozen of our favorite porn stars to take a quick survey on life, libido and the pursuit of good hair.  We’ll start publishing results early in November – in the meantime, we’re looking for a few more good men to give us their best. If you’ve been in more than one adult movie in the past two years, give us a holler and join our porn panel!

Meredith Vieira Really Into Ass-Play

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Poor Jake Gyllenhaal can’t catch a break.  Just when he thought he’d lived down the Brokeback jokes, Meredith Vieira manages to slip in (heh) a butt sex reference on morning television.  Good thing his new girlfriend is holding up her end of the PR bargain and taking him to Judy Garland tribute shows.

See the full video after the jump…

 

Blind Items from the World of Gay Porn

 

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Which recent San Francisco studio man is not only a star –  he’s also a client! While industry insiders have snickered about the model’s toupee-like Caesar cut since his debut this summer, several have forwarded links to the guy on another website — not hawking porn, but hair implants!

 

More blind items after the jump…

Boxcover of the Week: Just Shoot On Me (West Hollywood Video)

 

justshootTHUMB2.jpg With fashion weeks wrapped until January, we thought we’d commemorate TimandRomaBlog’s Best Boxcovers feature with an inspired nod to all things editorial. Granted, it may only be issue #1 of “Testi-Clay Magazine” but they seem to be hitting all the right angles (“What is the secret to success in Gay Porn?” and more importantly, Who is stocking that fabulous choker?). 

 

 

See larger front cover (and more comment) after the jump…

 

 

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Tell it to your blog (syndicate The Sword)

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Equality California Tries to Shotgun Wedding Rights

GayMarriageAdlaunch.jpg An organization called the Equality California Institute is spending untold millions to “spark a million conversations” with a television spot supporting rights for same-sex marriage.  According to polls (which we rarely trust, unless we do them), the gay mafia is not far from achieving its goal of getting its own bridal registries and licenses to perpetual mediocrity; it will only take convincing between five and nine percent of the voting population of the state, or somewhere in the neighborhood of 600,000 to 1.2 million people, which isn’t much considering the viewer base of Bravo.

About

This is a website that believes gay porn stars are heroes. Also, please don’t call me queer. I’m not queer. I’m a fag.

 

EDITOR

zsthumbZach Sire can’t believe that he gets paid to write about porn stars, but is more than happy to do so because how else would be pay for his Jägermeister and his addiction to porn? (Actually, he doesn’t have to pay for porn anymore since he started editing The Sword). In 2007, he graduated journalism school in Southern California and moved to New York where he thought he’d “make it big.” That didn’t happen. So, he moved back to Southern California and lived on his drag queen friend Jewels’ couch. After suffering(!) through odd jobs in advertising and at print publications, he finally found his home blogging here at The Sword. He’s happy now.

CO-FOUNDERS

Michael Stabile is now traipsing the globe and can only be located via Twitter.

Jay Barmann is now working on two new ventures, Le Fag and Dorothy Is Dead, and you can follow him on Twitter too.

Paul Bookstaber, former editor of The Sword, can be reached via e-mail.

Contact

Email me for any reason at all at zach@thesword.com
Follow me! twitter.com/thesword.com or twitter.com/zacharysire

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