November 2007

Daft Punk Alive 2007

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Tokyo

December 8-9, 2007

Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter, aka Daft Punk are human after all, but their relentless touring and torrential blowing of minds certainly doesn’t show it. Donning motorcycle helmets and leather biker gear specially designed by Hedi Slimane for the French house masters, Daft Punk is wrapping up their mythic tour with a string of shows in Tokyo followed by a brief and conclusive outing in Australia. This will be your last chance to check out the LED-crazy visual mega-trip that elicited rapturous praise from concert-goers worldwide and elicted apologies from music critics that had misjudged them in the past. ALIVE 2007 is THE concert of the year. Don’t be tragic, touch the magic. http://www.daftpunk.com

 

Hookers Ball

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Discovery Nightclub, 89 Mitchell Street
Darwin, Australia

December 2

C-lister Tara Reid (billed on the flyer as “Hollywood A-lister”… umm, no), tired of taking shit on the Sunset Strip for her botched boob job and blackout drunkenness, now apparently makes appearances at random-ass international fêtes in order to pay the bills.  So, if you happen to be Darwin, Australia the first weekend in December, and you happen to be dressed like a hooker, it’s a mere $25 at the door ($35 if you’re not dressed “in theme”). Doors at 8PM. myspace/discovery_nightclub

MiX Brazil: Festival of Sexual Diversity

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São Paulo

November 13 – December 23, 2007

A celebration of sexual diversity in Latin America? That sounds good to us! The event begins in São Paulo, then goes on a tour of Brazil to spread sex and empowerment to the masses. An estimated 25,000 viewers watch over 200 films, shorts, and videos on offer from 19 different countries, and enjoy the accompanying cultural events like performances, parties, and art shows. The festival is divided into adult entertainment, a video competition, and analyses of popular television. Take sex out of the subtext and get down to MiX! http://www.mixbrasil.com.br

 

World AIDS Day

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Copenhagen

December 1, 2007

World AIDS Day is December 1st every year, and no one shows their solidarity and fight for the cause like the great Danes. Peaceful demonstrations, free condoms, marches, benefit parties, and memorial ceremonies decorate the town as the city commemorates the international day of action against HIV and AIDS. http://www.aidsfondet.dk/

 

Catacombs

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Rome

December 7-14, 2007

For five years and counting, the Leather Club Roma hosts the hottest leather-fetish event in Italy, grimly titled Catacombs. What happens when you take Folsom Street Fair and relocate it to one of Europe’s most beautiful cities (filled with some of the world’s most beautiful men)? Apparently you get seven days of bull whips, ball gags, and nonstop sex. “Perhaps the crown jewel of the theme parties, spread throughout the long weekend, is the Black Leather Uniform Fans party. Strict dress codes apply: black leather only.” Wearing a uniform never felt so freeing. http://www.lcroma.com/catacombs.htm

 

Catacombs

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Rome

December 7-14, 2007

For five years and counting, the Leather Club Roma hosts the hottest leather-fetish event in Italy, grimly titled Catacombs. What happens when you take Folsom Street Fair and relocate it to one of Europe’s most beautiful cities (filled with some of the world’s most beautiful men)? Apparently you get seven days of bull whips, ball gags, and nonstop sex. “Perhaps the crown jewel of the theme parties, spread throughout the long weekend, is the Black Leather Uniform Fans party. Strict dress codes apply: black leather only.” Wearing a uniform never felt so freeing. http://www.lcroma.com/catacombs.htm

 

Catacombs

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Rome

December 7-14, 2007

For five years and counting, the Leather Club Roma hosts the hottest leather-fetish event in Italy, grimly titled Catacombs. What happens when you take Folsom Street Fair and relocate it to one of Europe’s most beautiful cities (filled with some of the world’s most beautiful men)? Apparently you get seven days of bull whips, ball gags, and nonstop sex. “Perhaps the crown jewel of the theme parties, spread throughout the long weekend, is the Black Leather Uniform Fans party. Strict dress codes apply: black leather only.” Wearing a uniform never felt so freeing. http://www.lcroma.com/catacombs.htm

 

Berlin Tattoo Convention

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Berlin

December 7-9, 2007

Show off your ink with the world’s most well-drawn at this three-day world-renowned convention. The marathon of sensory-overload includes contests, tattoo showings, inking and piercing sessions, and a stage program with entertainment, magic, acrobats, and even snake charmers. Evidently, the freaks come out in December. When in Berlin, do as the Berliners do and you might just walk away branded. http://www.tattoo-convention.de

 

Horse Meat Disco X-Mas Party

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London

December 16, 2007

London’s most out-of-control tea dance party celebrates the birth of Christ through raunchy disco, classics and punk funk, all in the name of a horse’s erection. Every Sunday South London goes berserk at Horse Meat Disco. Ditch your office party for this sausage-fest and find something sizable to stuff in a stocking! With drink giveaways and free swag, trade in your usual horse for a reindeer, throw some bells on and jingle all the way to a stranger’s bed. http://www.horsemeatdisco.co.uk

 

Screening of Gus Van Sant’s Paranoid Park

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Letterman Digital Arts Center Premiere Theater
San Francisco

December 8, 7PM

After closing out his “death trilogy” with Last Days, the critically polarizing Van Sant heads in a new direction with Paranoid Park. A dreamlike portrait of teen alienation and presented as a Super-8 diary by the central adolescent character, the film won the 60th Anniversary Award at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival. This is your chance to see it before its U.S. release, and the director himself is expected to appear at the screening.  $15.  Tickets available here.

 

Hot Mess!

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The Stud
9th & Harrison
San Francisco

Saturdays 10PM – 4AM

The sloppiest kids in town are colonizing the Stud for this new Saturday party, featuring drink specials for exhibitionists, live whipped-cream wrestling and Frat House DJ Kidd Sysko.

Star Fridays

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Star Lounge

Chelsea Hotel Basement

222 W 23rd Street
New York

Fridays 10PM – 4AM

It’s a fun scene and it won an HX Award for Best Small Club Night. So come back to Chelsea for some red velvet-and- chandelier-style glamour, brought to you by Josh Wood (Garden of ONO), Matt Tratner and Nick Van Bremen, with DJ Lina.

Barresi Switch-Hits on Cruise Gay Rumors

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Porn director-turned- private investigator Paul Barresi
claims that he’s found no evidence of Tom Cruise’s rumored homosexuality, despite
the connection to Scientology, a gay vague haircut and a seemingly endless
stream of court-challenged claims by former lovers, according to In Touch Weekly. “Everything I’ve
found and everything I know points to Tom being heterosexual,” Paul told
the magazine.
  Oddly, it was only a year ago that Barresi was in the
opposite situation
– facing legal threats from Cruise’s celebrity legal
eagle, Bert Fields, to remove a claim by Barresi that he had found evidence of the star’s sexcapades with a West Hollywood escort.

Repugnant Republicans and a Grunt Heard Round the World

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Gossip Girl
here, bringing you all the latest from the trenches! Thanksgiving in the flesh mines
is a little different than elsewhere: as porn maven mr. Pam reminds us, it
means penis-stuffed turkeys, undressed men rather than well-dressed birds, and thanking
God for anal-ese
during Grace. You know you love us, XOXO, and here’s this week’s Gossip Gangbang:


The Decrying of Lott’s 69

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We have no interest at the moment in confirming the validity of Today’s Most Popular Gay Rumor Involving a Possibly Closeted Congressional Republican, and would prefer simply to revel in the delicious, drama-promising, unconfirmed glory of it all. The blog BigHeadDC attempted to break the story yesterday, following Trent Lott’s abrupt resignation announcement and based on some truly slippery email correspondence with obviously attention-loving gay escort-cum-blogger Benjamin Nicholas. The rumor has already been denounced by the HuffPo, spat upon by Wonkette, re-attributed to Gawker and slipperily denied by Nicholas himself, but that doesn’t make it untrue (as Dan Savage has been quick to note).

The Passion of Roma

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After a recent blow-up between the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and the Catholic Church, Sister Roma’s having a hard time getting a fix. We follow her as she searches for a way to worship…

Don’t understand what
Sister Roma’s beef is with the Catholic Church (or Bill O’Reilly for that matter)?
Check out the full episode of Tim and Roma (with COLT men Adam Champ and Carlo
Masi, and guest host Rod Barry) here (free,
NakedSword.com)
.

Boxcover of the Week: The Cockfather

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The Cockfather (Private DVD, 2005) – Talk about an offer we can’t refuse. Sometimes we come across a title so ready-made for porn parody that we can’t believe we haven’t seen it before. The Cockfather? We give props to Man-Size for pouncing on the obvious. Sure, the costumes are more Dick Tracy than The Godfather, but since Al Pacino starred in both, we’ll let it pass. Of course, someone should tell Big Smoker that the fuschia lip stain is clashing with his Crayola-red zoot suit and it kind of femmes up his whole gangster motif.  And the phallic imagery of a marionette cross? Subtle. 

Separated at Birth? Atlantis Cruises v. RSVP Vacations

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When RSVP Vacations, the other gay cruise company, got sold to Atlantis Events this past fall, fans of the gay cruise experience blogged and commented on the demise of RSVP and how this consolidation will affect their sarong party plans on next year’s Caribbean Fantasy. We didn’t have the stomach to go on one ourselves, but we did spend a good chunk of one afternoon poking fun at nauseating YouTube photo montages and gouge-your-eyes-out horrific and suicide-grade-boring photo sets of both. While we’ve been told repeatedly that Atlantis was the floating
bathhouse and RSVP was the queeny piano-bar-on-the-sea, we didn’t see
much difference in the people we talked to.

Worst Products: Ese on Down the Road, Anal Edition

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What flavored balm goes on smooth and keeps the mustiest puckers fresh as a teenager? If you answered Anal-Ese, well, son, you’re one hell of a
professional. Today as part of our Worst Products Marketed to the Gays series, we feature this desensitizing agent long used on porn sets to keep the loosest goose from squealing after a three-hour Arpad-Miklos pounding. Generally, the benzocaine confection has been marketed to women trying to get over the hump, so to speak. As gays scoop up more products marketed to women (Special K, Juicy Couture, Enchanted), it gets harder to believe that any woman (or alternately, the man who wants to pop her in the pooper) is gonna care that her thumping hole is flavored like a maraschino. Of course, we’re not really sure that a guy who’s numbing himself for a three-day party is at the top of our menu, either… but we digress.

Behind the Scenes: Folsom Filth


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Want to know what goes into making heavy fetish films like Titan’s Folsom Filth (as well as what goes into the orifices of the men who star in it)? In this behind-the-scenes extra, we take a tour of Titan’s tool shop and find that monstrous butt plugs are only the beginning.

Click here to see the clip!

Gossip Gangbang: Lucas Lashing and Holiday Hijinks

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Do you feel like there just aren’t enough hours in a day? Do you find yourself zoned into the internet trolling for gossip when you should be spending your valuable time watching porn? Do those pesky, blue-haired gossip columnists confuse you with all of their misspellings and unwarranted self-obsession? FEAR NO MORE. We scour cyberspace like desperate dirtmongers so you won’t have to! Without further preamble, we present our weekly gay porn gossip gangbang: This week, on All My Raging Lucas Children (which is swiftly turning into our favorite daytime soap), Raging Stallion responded to Michael Lucas’s allegations of spreading false information to convolute his lawsuit from International Media Films, and then Lucas responded back even angrier.

Weekend Event Roundup: Nov 30 – Dec 2

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Care of the Sword’s tireless editors, we bring you this roundup
(by no means complete, or even-handed) of stuff going on for those of
the homo persuasion this weekend in the two meccas we currently have
bandwidth to cover, San Francisco and New York.  Check back soon to see
us cover more gay urban centers near you (sorry, Cheyenne).

Judge a Porn By Its Cover 2: The Don’ts

Remember when I sifted through the pornos on NakedSword and pulled out the covers that I thought were the best? Well, I had to overlook a lot of hideous, disturbing, FUCKED UP covers then, and going back to find some to showcase together for the DONT’s now proved to be one of the most excruciating experiences I’ve had since I’ve worked here. It made for a great appetite suppressant though: OMG NEW DIET CRAZE?????????

After the jump, take a look at some box covers that make me wanna die.

Judge a Porn By Its Cover!

They say that you should never judge a book by its cover. They’re totally wrong. Bad marketing is always something that should be judged, harshly in our opinion, while awesome covers deserve unmitigated praise, attention, and preference. “Why buy something that will look ugly on your bookshelf?”  The same is true in gay porn packaging. With the wealth of outstanding imagery that pornographers have to design graphics around, it’s a marvel that some studios pump out nothing but ugly video boxes. Sifting through the newest additions to NakedSword 4.0, we couldn’t help but be amused by some of the porn boxcovers that we came across and impressed by their sheer artistic value. After the jump, check out some of the prettiest pornos that NS has to offer, and also feel free to check out our follow-up: The Don’ts.

Cosmo, Girl? The New Gay Minstrelsy

minstrelThumb.jpg Their shirts are unbuttoned, their hair is moussed, and their default expression is “Fierce!”  They may not tap dance, but the post-Will-and-Grace era has our reality TV schedules filled with stereotypical re-imaginings of actual homosexuals so predictable in their gayface that even Charles Nelson Reilly would have winced. They’re waxed and tweezed and teased and highlighted.

Lucas Fires Moneyshot at Raging Stallion

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When Michael Lucas labeled Raging Stallion “snitches” last week, claiming they had inspired and furthered the legal troubles that arose after Lucas released Michael Lucas’ La Dolce Vita, it was the shot across the bow in what could be a larger legal battle between the two. Meanwhile, the Fellini Estate, assisted or unassisted by Raging
Stallion, continues to press Lucas with renewed interest. Here’s our
selected time line of the butting heads, the blogs and the lawsuit that
has everyone ducking for cover.

The Sword Guide to Looking Like a Porn Star

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You want to play with the big boys? Be prepared to put in the work. We talked to four porn stars-Ricky Sinz, Jake Deckard, Rafael Alencar and Steve Cruz about what it takes to look like they do-and what it’ll take for you to look as good as they do. If you’ve ever thought about getting into porn, or ever wondered how these hot, masculine guys treat their legendary bodies, you have to see this clip. A Sword Exclusive.

Sexing Up Your Second Life Avatar

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The first thing any self-respecting homosexual does, after choosing an outfit and tarting
up a Second Life avatar (complete with no-crunch abs and a Flock-of-Seagulls hairdo), is head to a bathhouse. Thanks to the realism of modern role playing,
our fantasy lives are now full of the same poor choices and fraught with the
same anxieties as our waking life.

B-Roll Brilliance: 80s Grocery Slut Can’t Stop Eating Corn Cobs

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We love porn b-roll, that magical section of each movie with “acting.” In this sexy, sexy clip of the week from Catalina Video’s 1987 bisexual porn classic Innocence Lost, Stacey Donovan tries to seduce Jeff Quinn and Eric Manchester by cramming as much phallic vegetation into her mouth as possible. Oh, and by spitting grapes at them. If only Nomi Malone had been this subtle…

Click here to see the clip.

Tiger Tyson Cruises the Louvre

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The stud of Spanish
Harlem takes invades Europe in Tiger Tyson’s Eiffel Tower
, but when he’s not
fucking the men he politely terms “Frenchies” the charming top man takes in some culture. In this clip,
Tiger checks out the Louvre, hears rumors of a late-night sex party in the Jardin des Tuileries and feasts on a baguette. Get
your mind out of the gutter for once and get some culture.

Click here for the full video.

The Sword Guide to Becoming a Porn Star


In case you’ve been thinking about quitting your job at the office and getting a position in another field (particularly one that involves getting on all fours), the cast of Raging Stallion’s GRUNTS will tell you how to get into the business of sex on camera and share stories about how they were able to penetrate the industry from the outside-in!

Frat House

440 Castro

San Francisco

Wednesdays 

Come get it on at the Bar Formerly Known as Daddy’s with a truckload of straight-acting twinks and the gayer gays who love them. 

(Allegedly) Banned MTV Condom Ad

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This commercial, dating from early 2007, either aired or did not air on MTV (we can’t tell), and either was or was not banned, but has lately been making the rounds on the YouTubes. It’s like a brain teaser! Our particular favorite image: the rooster (cock) walking by the dirty pirate named Sanchez, wearing a piece of diamond jewelry (ring).

Click here to view the ad.

Bear Pride Week

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Cologne (Koln)
Germany

November 20-25

In the States the bears have pride fests all over: in Provincetown, in Chicago, in San Francisco with the Hairrison Street Fair and they’ll always have Guerneville…

Will Clark’s Porno Bingo

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693 9th Ave/48th
New York

Wednesdays 9PM – 11PM

NYC porn stars and others who happen to be passing through town between penetrations…

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