Welcome to the first installment of The Sword’s new weekly(?) feature, “Gay Porn Tips,” where we give the studios, the stars, and the fans a series of helpful tips on a variety of gay porn topics. Today’s topic is for all those studios and directors out there who are having a hard time hiding a performer’s soft dick.
The worst thing in gay porn is a bottom with a soft dick (click here for what a bottom’s dick should look like), but fear not! There are plenty of ways to hide, disguise, and excuse the fact that your bottom is completely not into it.
Here are the top five ways to hide a bottom’s limp dick. You’re welcome, studios!
5. Helping Hands
Have the bottom hold his limp dick and his balls in his hand(s) throughout the entire scene so no one can see. If the top doesn’t have any limitations and is willing to touch a dick, he can also help his bottom and trade off cupping the bottom’s genitals until it’s time for the cum shots and the pussy porn is playing in the background.
4. Nothing To See Here, Move Along…
Film the bottom only from the waist up. Sure, people might wonder why you’re not showing the bottom’s dick, but since when do you care what your customers think?
3. I Can’t Believe It’s Not His Dick
Photoshop in a hard dick. You didn’t know you could use Photoshop in a video? Where have you been? It’ll take your editing team a little extra time, but that’s why they get paid the big bucks, right?
2. $3.99 For A 3-Pack Of Hanes
Have the bottom keep his underwear on while he’s getting fucked. You’ll need to cut a hole in the ass of the underwear, of course, but as long as your studio can still afford to pay for underwear and scissors, you’re all set!
1. The Johnny Rapid
Make the scene a rape scenario. Rape is all the rage right now, so come up with a plot in which your bottom is getting raped either by a bunch of jocks, his mean boss or, to mix things up, an actual rapist. Nobody gets hard when they’re being raped, so your limp-dicked bottom has a totally plausible excuse. Problem solved!