Three’s a trend! That’s how many delightful rants David has posted on his House of Vader blog this week. First up is beards:
I declare at this moment BEARDS ARE OUT!! Im so happy about it because those CUNTING BEARDOS suck HARD. Ugh if I see another ART BEAR pretending like his beard isnt the TRIBAL TATTOO of the 2000s I will READ HER HARD. I understand if you had one BEFORE 2009 its cool but if you didnt BITCH YOU HAVE A “FAUXHAWK” from 2004 on your FACE! I want them to NEVER BE ABLE TO SHAVE IT either because theyre so damn pious about them too as if theyve been working a beard for EONS! Art bears need to take their BUTT MAGAZINE they bought at AMERICAN APPAREL and look in the mirror and say “Damn it Im a clone thats no different then the circuit queens of the 90s” then cry because theyre a SHAM and the OPPOSITE of creative or alternative as they claim…
For the record, I grew a beard this year for the first time, but only because I had to wait until I was 25 to grow facial hair, and also because without facial hair I apparently look like a purebred Whippet. I also had a fauxhawk in 2004. No tribal tattoos though. And now for Rant #2:
Its basically a YARN SKIRT you wear around your FACE. I think that the Swedes are CRACKING UP over this if even ONE sells. It HAS to be a remnant of an over produced sweater from somewhere in the world because how many “neck tubes” do they plan on selling in the midwest?, do they even have H&M in the midwest though? I dunno. The only person that should wear a “neck tube” is GRACE JONES or ME and the only occasion for me to PULL SUCH A STUNT is at Susanne Bartches Halloween party [pictured, below left]…I saw this ad [below, right] in the subway station Im assuming their target customer is the gay guy who wore that middle eastern scarf thing last spring.
And now for the most enigmatic of David Mason’s objects of hatred: fit white boys who are agressively cunty to everyone except the black men they fetishize. I’ve never noticed this:
What Im talking about are these gay guys who quite often are usually really fit, almost hyper meticulously fit, and if you talk to, smile to, or even just look at SPIT VENOM at you if youre also white…For example last year I was in Berlin with my friend and there was this dude, fit this description to a T, he was standing there alone CUNTING THE WORLD at the Folsom Europe thing. He would seriously throw you a nasty glance if you tried smiling at him like beyond anti social this was full on AGGRESSIVE CUNTING, and my friend and I just looked at each other and said “You know shes only into black guys with that attitude” and low and behold 45 minutes later the dude is there with THE ONLY 4 African guys in Berlin!
It's an interview with Phillip Aubrey: porn star, Spencer Reed's boyfriend, burp fetishist.
The COLT superstars joined a protest in Rome against the Catholic Church in order to make the claim that gay people are not pedophiles. There was a chihuaha involved.
I feel sorry for people with fetishes that can never be realized in real life. Take this Flickr user, who has to make do with his giants fetish using Photoshop.
I'm not one for bragging about intellectual accomplishments (it's something I learned from, you know, graduating with honors from Brown University), but Conner Habib is justifiably excited about his blurb in a book written by Carl Sagan's son.