Hey bitches, Chelsea here!! Hope you had a fun and safe 4th of July—I know I did. I’m still recovering from eating way too many cheese-stuffed hot dogs and drinking wayyyy too many shots (note to self: never say yes to Purple Hooters after you’ve already been drinking Buttery Nipples all day long LOL!), but even a bad hangover can’t keep a good blogger down ;-)
Today, your Chelsers is here with the first in a new series of articles on Gay Porn Star Beauty Tips! If you’re a gay porn star, you’ll definitely want to read this (especially if you have an upcoming photo shoot), since today I’ll be discussing how to get rid of oily skin!!
Many of you will be surprised to learn that before I entered journalism school I was actually studying to become an esthetician in cosmetology school. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out between me and my asshole boyfriend at the time, Brad, who was paying my tuition at Richard’s Beauty Academy down in Orange County. When Brad and I broke up, I had to quit school (yes, you can feel free to call me a “beauty school drop out” LOL), move back in with my parents, and get a “real job” to support myself (remind me to tell you about my short-lived stint as a hostess at Red Lobster, ugh). Anyways, that was almost five years ago and way before I realized that I wanted to become a journalist/blogger.
So today I want to talk about oily skin and how you can eliminate it with the right products and a few simple steps. While everybody should have a little bit of oil on their skin (oil is natural and it means that your body/skin is functioning normally), sometimes too much oil can lead to “shiny face syndrome,” which can be pretty noticeable in photographs. Case in point, look at these pictures of gay porn superstar and UKNakedMen.com sensation Paddy O’Brian.
Oh, Paddy! Did your face have a run-in with the Exxon Valdez! LOL!
Kidding aside, Paddy “Paddy Cakes” O’Brian is probably the #1 most downloaded gay porn star on my computer right now (seriously, my hard drive should just have a sign on it that reads “Paddy O’Brian’s House”), but that doesn’t mean I can’t give him a little constructive criticism so that he can be even hotter than he already is, right?
The first and most obvious thing that Paddy can do to keep that oil in check is to drink more water. Stay hydrated! Dehydration leads to a host of health problems, including oily skin (and in some cases even death!), so all you gay porn studios better be sure to keep plenty of bottled water on set for your stars—especially a star as popular and as oil-prone as Paddy O’Brian! Seriously, you could deep fry an egg on his face. JK JK ;-p
If drinking lots of water doesn’t help control your oily skin, this next technique is pretty much a sure thing.
Paddy, take it from me, get yourself some Oil Absorbing Sheets!
Every gay porn studio (especially UKNakedMen.com, apparently) should be stocking up on Johnson & Johnson Oil Absorbing Sheets. Trust me, these things come in super handy and are basically a LIFESAVER. (Just don’t try and use them to clean up lube or cum, LOL yikes!) Johnson & Johnson Oil Absorbing Sheets are compact, inexpensive, and fairly easy to use. In fact, most gay porn stars should be able to figure out how to use them without the aid of a make-up artist, but here’s a tutorial my friend Stacey made just in case:
Pretty simple, right?
I hope you guys take my tips seriously (I’m talking to you, Paddy!), and don’t blow them off just because I’m not a gay porn star. After all, because of my past as an aspiring cosmetologist and my future as an accomplished journalist, who better to give beauty tips to gay porn stars?
And that’s what Chelsea thinks. Thanks, guys.
I like to put in my face Cold Cream it make me look sexy with a glittering sexy face using sun glases
You want to be a journalist and you use the word ‘anyways’?
Ah, now Chelsea has a bit of a back story. She’s beginning to grow into a character for our collective consciousness.
LOL @ Mr. Man
And Mister reality, I don’t think you have been around the internet long enough. At least to me it’s clear she’s blatantly not using a real picture, as I’ve seen this girl’s mug all over the internet over the last few years.
“Anyways” is not a word.
Zach has an alter ego. Usually when an alter presents itself it represents everything the person is not.
In this instance: young, perky, optimistic and attractive
‘Chelsea’ is doing the oldest trick in the book… using someone elses’s pic to represent ‘her’self. Dude- search any stock photo agency and there is ‘Chelsea’ beeming with that backback. Honestly, be real and put up an actuall pic not some bot pic from Corbis or Getty. No wonder she’s so perky… she’s faketastic!
Geezers don’t drink water and don’t use oil absorbing sheets, mate!
Please tell these boys what to do about zits on the ass. I’m soooo distracted by thoughts of salicylic acid cream.
Why are you so perky?