Groups of women wearing veils, tiaras and inflatable penis hats are greeted by a new sign in the entryway of Cocktail, a Windy City gay bar: “Bachelorette Parties Are Not Allowed.” The owner writes:

Until same-sex marriage is legal everywhere and same-sex couples are allowed the rights as every heterosexual couple worldwide, we simply do not think it’s fair or just for a female bride-to-be to celebrate her upcoming nuptials here at Cocktail.

Another Chicago gay bar called Charlie’s has long charged women twice as much as men to enter the bar on the weekends. When women complain, they are told to try out the dozens of straight bars that allow them free entrance on ladies’ night while charging their male companions. By many hear-say reports, the vaginal infiltration of Chicago’s gay scene is becoming an epidemic.

Maybe Chicago needs to adopt San Francisco’s strategy of embracing old-fashioned leather bars that terrify women as much as they terrify prissy homos in Abercrombie polos, thus killing two birds with one stone. Of course, even San Francisco is not immune to this demorgaphic balancing act. Messy alcoholic drag queen Anna Conda organized a “Take Back the Polk” march to protest the frat-boy takeover of a previously sleazy gay ghetto, and also to protest the straight women who heckle her during her act.

Yes, gay men will always love women. But when it comes to the sanctuary of gay bars, we fags are maybe tiring of the piercing woo-girl shrieks, of sloppy females who shove and elbow their ways to the bar because they’ve been spoiled by the deferential treatment the receive at straight bars, of drunk bitches who ask if they can pee first and glare at us when we say, “Fuck no.”

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Gay Bars in Chicago Ban Bachelorette Parties (Dan Savage)