Did You Need An iPhone App To Help You Fuck *Real* Men With Integrity?

Because there is one:

MISTER is the new mobile app for men who value strength, masculinity, authenticity and maturity. If you like the idea of a dating app with less attitude, then download MISTER and join hundreds of thousands of adult men today.

Grindr is so over. It’s too generic and anyone can join. Ugh. We don’t want to meet just anyone. We need things to be whittled down and specific. We need things to be segregated (but not in a racist way!) so we can only find and fuck the kind of men we truly like. Real men. Manly men. Before, on Grindr, we had to settle for whoever was closest, even if they were too femme or, God forbid, fat. Then came Scruff, which was a worthy effort if you were into bears, but honestly if you’ve seen one bear, you’ve seen them all. MISTER solves all these problems. MISTER is the key.

MISTER is for real men:

We ask our members to consider affirming a set of sexual safety values we call “The MISTER Code.” We are all committed to creating an online community that is affirming, healthy and fun.

MISTER encourages users to follow the MISTER Code, a shared set of values. As a community, we agree these things are important, both online and in the real world.

  • Maturity: MISTERs act like adults. No games. No attitude
  • Integrity: MISTERs live authentically and honestly
  • Safety: MISTERs protect themselves and their partners, emotionally and physically
  • Truth: MISTERs represent themselves accurately in their profiles
  • Enjoyment: MISTERs value mutually pleasurable experiences.
  • Respect: MISTERs treat each other with respect

Are you prepared to live by an iPhone app’s (also available for Androids) code of conduct if you want to fuck a silver daddy? Are hook-up apps with integrity the wave of the future? Sex with integrity is everywhere these days, so why not integrate integrity into your phone, too? And why stop with MISTER?

I would like an iPhone app to help me fuck twinks. Twinks with integrity, ideally. And also let’s have one for trannies only. Keep them separate. To make things easier and less awkward for everyone, there should probably be individual iPhone hook-up apps specifically for blacks, Latinos, and Asians, too. Keep everyone away from each other because everyone has specific tastes and everyone is only into fucking one specific type of man. For example: If you aren’t a masculine, authentic, and mature man, you can’t use MISTER. Sorry.

WOOF!!!

 

7 thoughts on “Did You Need An iPhone App To Help You Fuck *Real* Men With Integrity?”

  1. Wahh it’s hard being gay wahhhhh, everybody’s so judemental and femmephobic and boo hoo. Congratulations lads, you’ve really stumbled upon something here. Real talk, if you sign up for a service predicated solely upon sexual gratification, don’t expect the guys to forgive your physical flaws (we all have them, I most definitely do) because of your great sense of humor or things you may have in common, because they won’t. Apps like these are for all the guys who would rather spend their days having meaningless hookups rather than a real connection with an actually wonderful guy. And because it’s solely based on sex, don’t expect people to be completely ignorant of race because that does have an effect on your appearance. The world is a mean, cold place but people who go into it with a blind sense of political correctness and an expectation that people are intrinsically good do nothing but a disservice to themselves and others. Be mature, be realistic and look yourself in the mirror and say, “Do I want to bust a nut and feel good for one night or do I actually want to put myself out there and be vulnerable and maybe find someone I genuinely care about.” And when more men can bloody fucking nut up and do that, maybe the gay community won’t be so “racist” or “femmephobic” or so “straight-acting” because we can all just genuinely be ourselves, however masculine or feminine that person is…

  2. Checked out the reviews for Android they’re not good. A lot of technical problems, not enough guys, etc. Went ahead and downloaded it, created an acct, and the damn thing is not letting me log in! wtf lol

    I find it hilarious that so many of these apps have these certain criteria of guys that these apps hope to fulfill. After time no one will care.

    My personal favorite apps are growler and jackd. Jackd technically speaking is the most user-friendly and has the most options. The only downfall is that there is not a lot of diversity there. Growler has the friendliest people on there.

    I like Grindr and Scruff, but scruff has some of the hottest but most arrogant people on there. And Grinder is not user-friendly; the messaging system sucks and there is no search option.

  3. Think i’ll go download this Boy Scout-er..gay sex app.
    As if those prissy “Straight Actors” need a place to all congregat- oh wait this is perfect, yeah ship em all to MISTER please!

  4. “there should probably be individual iPhone hook-up apps specifically for blacks, Latinos, and Asians, too.”

    basically segregating in a racist way

    i knew the gay community was racist as fuck

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