Read the full entry here. Erik is still going strong with his hot Staten Island boyfriend of nearly two years, and the hulky hung porn star is finally realizing how he’s kind of a big deal.
…i feel like i have won in some sense. I’m not the type to brag, but these kids today kinda look at me like i used to look at Matthew Rush. I mean he was top dog. He was the one to impress and hope your career in this industry made it to his level. Now, with all the work i been doing, and excessive socializing, beyond my own personal comfort, i have had none stop models approaching me and say all types of crazy shit:
"you are the reason why i wanted to become a porn star"…. really, I’m sorry.
" i was one of your biggest fans, I’ve seen all your movies"… really how are they?
" i hope some day i can have the success you have had, i was in a hotel and i saw you in the movies you could purchase, i hope someday that will be me"… really, you hope you can be in hotel room porn, that’s one of your goals in life? I honestly felt sorry for that last one.
I started doing porn cuz i needed the money, not thinking I’d ever make a name for myself. So i just don’t understand where these kids are coming from, i assume its like an ego trip to be a porn star in their eyes…
Erik is correct that he’s a superstar, and he’s also correct in perceiving a generational shift in in the industry. Five years ago, money was a good reason to enter porn. Now that rates are down, fame is the reason that makes more sense. But porn fame doesn’t necessarily translate into pride:
i think i been beat down so much in my real life about being a porn star that, i don’t take much pride in anything i have done. its nice, and its make me feel all warm and fuzzy for about a second before, i tell myself, " you dummy, no one cares, this is what has made this world turn against you…." in the porn world, i feel loved, but at the same time, its a job, i love alot of the people i work with, but they are not there for me, when I’m alone and could use an open ear, they surely aren’t there.
And fame won’t stave off the Benzodiazepine cravings, either:
thank you klonopin. Of course my doctor wont prescribe them to me since he think I’m an addict risk… oh fuck, I’m tired of writing… i need sleep so lets figure this out…
Ambien, Trazodone, Temazepan, Nexium, Prevacid, Glutamine, and multivitamin. Wash down with a cap of G. ‘G’ for ‘goodnight.’
Below, Erik with his boyfriend, Anthony:
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