A sampling of Race Cooper’s black facts is below. Visit his blog for the full lists. (His blog is also where you can find pictures of Race Cooper fucking various cracker asses and dressing up like Aunt Jemima.)
Black Fact #1 – Black people only enjoy crackers made by Mr. Christie.
Black Fact #2 – Black people love the color purple. Don’t know why…. but they just LOVE it. Grimace, Grape Kool-Aid, that movie with Oprah and Whoopi. PURPLE!!!!
Black Fact #4 – That’s not a birthmark on their forehead, that’s a scar. It’s from leaving the hot comb on the stove, and watching Young and the Restless too long.
Black Fact #9 – Cocoa Butter is essential to moisturize black skin. Otherwise you get mistaken for ‘Crazy Ashy Larry’ who tries to sell aspirin pills on 5th.
Black Fact #11 – Do not touch a black person’s man or woman. That is THEIR TERRITORY! Although I hear Chicken Tetrazzini, is a good way to lure them away.
Black Fact #13 – The nappiest part of a black person’s hair to brush, is the back of the head. Otherwise referred to as ‘the kitchen’…. and it’s commonly known, children always cry when you hit ‘the kitchen’.
Black Fact #14 – Black men suffer from an affliction of coarse beards and sensitive skin, that produce ‘razor bumps’. The cure is to not use that shit made for whities (shaving gel), and to use hair conditioner or lotion to shave. Get your shaving technique RIGHT!!
Black Fact #17 – The only difference between a black person’s Buick and an old person’s Buick, are the 24 inch rims.
Black Fact #19 – Black people look great wearing white…. but that ring-around-the-collar is a bitch to get out, when doing laundry.
Black Fact #20 – There are few things black people distrust more than the police. Although swimming without water-wings is right up there, and so is getting your haircut by a caucasian with no experience in cutting black hair…. Police pretty much take the cake. They get trigger happy around us, for some reason.
Black Fact #21 – Rarely will you see black people go to see horror movies in the theater. Something about tempting fate. If you hear someone say, "Dude, did you see how easily he killed that black person first?" Chances are you’re at a horror flick, and everyone’s eyeing the lone negro eating popcorn.
Black Fact #22 – It’s no secret that black people love to hear themselves talk. They are masters in oratory skills! Preachers, presidents, and black chicks speaking loudly on their cell phones on the bus… they want you to listen to them. It would literally kill them, if they couldn’t talk. "Did you hear about Mr. Jackson dying? Yeah, death by vow of silence. Crying shame."
Black Fact #24 – Black people love to say the n-word. LOVE IT! But like so many things that we love, we were afraid of white people copying us (see music., culture, fashion) and starting to say it too…. So we told them it was ‘racist’, and made them say ‘african-american’ instead. Genius, huh?
Black Fact #25 – The black nod, is not just a salutation, but for us to indicate who we can count on in a black emergency. We never know when we’ll be rounded up again, and we want to be READY!
Black Fact #26 – Fried Chicken is a staple of the black diet. It is one of the five food groups. BBQ Chicken, Grilled Chicken, Jerk Chicken and Rotisserie are the others. If you are a black person denying yourself Fried Chicken, you will be cursed… and everything will taste like chicken anyway.
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