If GLAAD Were a Penis, It Would Be Crusty and Discolored

We were going to attend, but the sweater-gay organizers wouldn’t let Sister Roma bring a cameraman to ask Suze Orman for tips on drag shopping during a recession. A media black-out at a Media Awards show might seem odd, but then again, this is the same organization that chooses Tyra Banks as this year’s gay hero. (Must’ve been her insightful special episode on really fucked-up gay people who hate themselves and other faggots, too.)

Among the super-famous luminaries in attendance was Wilson Cruz, who used to play the beloved “bi” teenager My So-Called Life and who now works in the bar-hopping industry. SF Weekly reports that Cruz’s “attempt to auction off a night of his own dinner table companionship, starting at $5,000 was met with excruciating silence,” and was diffused only when host Chelsea Handler rushed to the stage to spare him further humiliations with a king’s ransom.

At the end of the ceremony, everyone packed up their time capsules and returned to the year 2009. Below, sketches of the event by the SF Weekly, who like us was not allowed to bring a camera.