Domestic Gay Violence, Porn Stars, & Social Media

Social media has removed the fourth wall between porn stars and the public. And as we saw over the weekend, that is not always a good thing.

Not that the news of anyone’s passing is joyful, but my least favorite thing to cover here at The Sword is an obituary of a performer who left us before their time. But it is news. And in our wheelhouse.

Next to that, violence against a porn star, and especially between porn stars, is stomach churning. When it’s between a porn star couple, it’s even more so. But once they make public posts about it themselves, it also becomes news whether I like it or not.

Over the weekend, played out on Facebook and Twitter, is that Billy Santoro & Seth Santoro, came to blows with allegations of physical, emotional and financial abuse.

The truth is, we weren’t there and only they know exactly what happened.

But I do know this. Outside of a sporting event where such activity is sanctioned by the people involved, it is unacceptable to put your hands on another person no matter what segment of society you come from. Period.

I am not a counselor. Why someone would go to social media with this kind of dirty laundry is a question I can’t answer. I have also never been a victim of abuse. It’s been written that following the act of physical betrayal by the one closest to you will lead the victim to reach out in any way they can. Today, that means social media. And that, I think we can all understand.

But please, porn stars and everyone, understand this. Being LGBTQ is a small percentage of the total population. Being a porn star is a small percentage of that small percentage. But even in those smaller percentages, we have the same microcosm of society from the good to the bad. And it’s the bad that always gets the headlines. Those headlines give our detractors ideas.

And it’s those headlines where the damage is done. To all of us. Society at large largely paints us all with the same brush. The numbers who believe we are all wanton heretics leads to things like bathroom bills and trying to prevent LGBTQ people from basic civil rights. That only gives society more reasons to discriminate against us and appealing to our baser instincts, a taciturn green light to discriminate against each other.

However, nothing happens in a vacuum. There is some good that can come out of this. Victims of gay domestic abuse know they are not alone. As posted on Pride, “Singer-songwriter Lenny Gerard’s “Feel Me Now” music video showcases the dark realities victims and survivors of domestic abuse have faced.”

 
If this is an issue that touches your life, perhaps one of the numbers below should be dialed before you hit the “send now” button:

The Anti-Violence Project Hotline: 212-714-1141 (24/7 bilingual services)

GLBT National Help Center Hotline: 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743) or Online Chat

GLBTQ Domestic Violence Project Hotline: 1-800-832-1901

Be good, guys. And please, let’s be good to each other.