Gay Porn Problems

Do you like math? Do you like gay porn? Here then, try and solve these gay porn problems.

1. In each studio there are seven tops: Quinn Jaxon, Jimmy Clay, Tristan Jaxx, Brent Everett, Austin Wilde, Spencer Reed, and Tommy Defendi; there are seven bottoms: Adam Wirthmore, Rocco Reed, Jake Bass, Connor Habib, Gabriel Clark, Colby Keller, and Zachary Sire; each top fucks seven bottoms; each bottom hasn’t eaten solid food for seven days; each of those seven condoms comes out clean except for the one in Adam Wirthmore. What is the sum of all the enumerated things?

2. The president of Next Door Studios allegedly sleeps with one of his models. The model makes $50. The model is straight. The model shoots three scenes. The model becomes an exclusive. The model works for the company for 10 years. The wind is blowing east-north-east. The clock points to a quarter past three in the afternoon. It is the month of July. How old is Cody Cummings?

3. If the number (x) of porn models for the next orgy scene for Men.com was reduced by 6, and then they all had to share $20, how much money would each model receive?

4. By enlarging, printing, and then cutting this square piece of paper on the left into two and only two pieces (and rearranging those pieces), how is it possible to move Tommy Defendi’s hairy ball sack into the center of the square?

5. You are in the dark in the Kink.com warehouse, and on the floor there are six harnesses of three colors and a heap of twenty-four used pairs of underwear with either red or brown stains. Assuming you don’t first get ass raped, how many harnesses and underwears must you take into the light to be certain that you have a matching harness and underwear?

6. The length of Rafael Alencar’s cock is 15 centimeters more than its width “y”. Express the length of the cock in terms of its width y.

7. Ace, Ryan, and Hank are, not necessarily in this order, a giver, a receiver, and a breeder. The giver, who is the shortest of the three, is a bachelor. Ace, who is Ryan’s father-in-law, is taller than the receiver. Which Chi Chi LaRue movie did they make?


8. If you add the age of Cody Cummings to the age of Michael Lucas, the result is 191. Michael is now twice as old as Cody was when he was as old as Cody is now. How old are Cody Cummings and Michael Lucas?

9. It is April 23rd. It is 98 degrees outside. Model A shoots for BrokeStraightBoys.com with Model B. Model A took a Viagra half past 13:10; Model B took a Cialis the night before at 22:00. If both Model A and Model B get paid a scene rate of $400, how many child support payments can Model A make for two kids?

10. By rearranging three and ONLY three assholes in the below image, make the triangular pattern point down instead of up.

[images via CodyCummings.com, CockyBoys.com, JetSetMen.com]

23 thoughts on “Gay Porn Problems”

  1. Mark Taint: Adam Wirthmore shit on some guys dick, well condomed dicked anyway, and you have the audacity to post about it on this blog? R U the reincarnate of Erick Rhodes? I’m sure Adam ain’t gonna be too happy about you posting about it on here. Who did he shit on?

    1. oh it’s funny (and sickening) to hear what porn stars out there have shitty kitties. Reminds me of when Erik Rhodes openly mentioned that Jason Adonis chili-dogged him, as well as having to eat out tony capucci’s shit-smelling ass. I miss Erik and his blunt posting.

  2. 1- Purple
    2- too old to be faking a sex scene any more
    3- Still more than Next Door would have paid them, even though it’ll probably be in the form of a bar tab and burger
    4- With your tongue.
    5- More than you want to know. Bring hand sanitizer.
    6- 15+y (is it not in you)
    7- I was going to give a title, but that would imply production happened. Dreams are fantasy.
    8- The answer is in the rearranged asshole wrinkles.
    9- it’s cute that you think he’ll make the payment for t least 2 of his known kids.
    10- this was the easiest of them all. Just like a setc take the one on top and move him to bottom; then you’ll know where to put the other 2.

  3. That’s probably just what those boys actually said on the set of Pizza Boy Gangbang. Surely the Jake Lyons quote is authentic.

  4. Stop promoting Cody fucking Cummings! Even if you’re making jokes about him you’re still giving him press and that only makes him feel relevant. This blog and its writers have been kissing his ass and promoting him for years now and now we have another new blogger here doing the same thing. Mark is just another blogger who secretly wants to suck Cody’s cock (cause even he’s not stupid enough to think Cody will let him do more), or maybe he already did suck his cock and this is his way of repaying him, with free publicity. UGH!!!!

    1. I met Cody in person already. I was so underwhelmed with this short, arrogant imp that I flicked my half-used cigarette at him and left the event.

  5. I predict Zach is grooming Mark to take over for him full time once he’s finally arrested for stalking Mick Lovell. Either way, this is funny shit.

  6. #10 – take the far left hole and the far right hole of the very bottom row and place them on either side of the holes on the second row of the crack pyramid. Then take the hole at the very top of the pyramid and place it at the bottom of the pyramid beneath the two remaining holes at the bottom of the pyramid; directly below the crack between the two.

      1. Heart. Heart. this. post. It is SO hard to believe in yourself and believe in your creativity. I find that when I am trying to be creative or have an idea I want to share, I always apologize first, before I even let the creativity/idea/thought out of my mouth. It is so nice to see affirming ways to look and believe in one’s self and the process of creativity.

  7. Aw, I was hoping that this would be the gay porn version of Rich White People Problems. Like “OMG, I can only get generic Viagra!” or “Only 4 people have commented on my YouTube video declaring that I’m straight! Wah!”

  8. lol i love ya zach. way to keep things interesting!!

    p.s. this is off the topic but did u ever do a story on porn stars amazon wish lists? just curious to see whats on them is all

    1. Sorry if it wasn’t clear…but this was posted by Mark (see his name up at the top), our guest contributor.

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