Gay Porn Tips: How To Get Blogged About On The Sword If You’re A Gay Porn Star

Welcome to the third installment of The Sword’s new feature, “Gay Porn Tips,” where we give the studios, the stars, and the fans a series of helpful tips on a variety of gay porn topics! Today’s topic is for any gay porn stars out there who want to be blogged about on The Sword.

I touched on this briefly when going over the Top 50 Gay Porn Stars of 2012, but now it’s time to dive in a little deeper and expand with a full list.

If you’ve decided to become a gay porn star, you likely did so because you either love getting attention or you love having sex (you certainly aren’t doing it for the money). The Sword can’t help you with having sex, but I can help to get you some attention. So, here is what you need to do to be blogged about on The Sword:

GET ARRESTED
It doesn’t matter what you do. Assault, domestic abuse, killing a three-legged dog, attempted murder, drugs, and even a DUI (although those are getting a little boring). Literally any arrest will do. Does your arrest include a deportation or a sexy mug shot?  Even better. Multiple mug shots? Congratulations, you are highly bloggable.

HAVE AN EPIC TWITTER MELTDOWN
The key to having a successful Epic Twitter Meltdown is to not be self-aware enough to realize that you’re actually right in the middle of having an Epic Twitter Meltdown. Other vital components of an Epic Twitter Meltdown include using plenty of exclamation points, poor grammar and/or incorrectly spelled words, offensive, violent, and/or racist remarks, a sincere belief that whatever you’re tweeting about matters (it doesn’t), and, of course, typing in all caps. If you can drag another gay porn star in so that your Epic Twitter Meltdown becomes an Epic Twitter War, even better. But take it from the king, Jayden Grey, a genuine Epic Twitter Meltdown isn’t easy to pull off. You’ve got to commit to it 110%, and at the same time, you have to be completely oblivious to the fact that you’re making a fool of yourself.

BE STRAIGHT AND NEVER BOTTOM
Gay-for-pay porn stars who never bottom, never suck dick, and never actually perform in any of their scenes are the most popular performers in gay porn because everyone hates them. Gay-for-payers like Cody Cummings are the Kim Kardashians or Chris Crockers of gay porn: Famous for doing absolutely nothing. If actual gay porn stars who actually perform ever want to be blogged about, I recommend pretending that you are straight and calling someone a “faggot” when there’s a camera on you.

DATE ANOTHER GAY PORN STAR/BREAK UP WITH ANOTHER GAY PORN STAR
It doesn’t matter what stage of the relationship you’re in with another gay porn star, just so long as you are in one. Performing in multiple scenes together helps, but don’t forget to fully expose your private life together so that complete strangers can gain access to your personal lives and judge you by leaving anonymous comments on blogs. It helps if both of you are hot, but if only one of you is hot, that can be highly bloggable as well if the less hot one is jealous of the other. Breaking up publicly on Twitter ensures at least one blog post. Breaking up on Twitter after one of you is arrested makes you The Sword’s best friend for life.

BE BATSHIT INSANE
Sometimes it really is as easy as just being fucking crazy.

I hope these tips helped. Good luck out there, and don’t forget to say something rude or offensive in the comments below! “Comment Of The Day” posts are another way to be blogged about on The Sword.

 

 

10 thoughts on “Gay Porn Tips: How To Get Blogged About On The Sword If You’re A Gay Porn Star”

  1. No wonder LavenderLounge has only been mentioned once in the entire history of The Sword! I only hire sane, adult models and I stay away from controversy.

    If I tell you that your boss is an asshole will you reply that my movies suck? PLEASE! Who do I have to blow to get insulted around here?

    1. What?! And give you FREE internet traffic? I don’t think so. Your site can struggle on it’s own and wither away.

  2. I will forever cherish/reference this page…especially when explaining to the uninitiated why I love this site/Zach SO DAMN MUCH

  3. Zach, you forgot to include Chris Crocker’s method: Threaten to do porn, send some shots of yourself and your boyfried all over the place called social network communities. And then just bail. A couple of days later do the same thing but with a twist, like, starting your own site with you as main super star attraction!

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