Welcome to the second installment of The Sword’s new feature, “Gay Porn Tips,” where we give the studios, the stars, and the fans a series of helpful tips on a variety of gay porn topics! Today’s topic is for any gay porn stars out there who may have just been fired.
You know the story: one day you’re a successful straight gay porn star at what was once a gay porn mega studio, and the next you’re back to being Nick Gruber’s BFF. One day you’re hosting live shows with thousands of fans, and the next you’re trying to make ends meet with a Rentboy ad that reads like it was written by an illiterate fourteen-year-old. I know just how stressful being fired probably is, especially if you don’t have a back-up plan. Chances are, being such a hot shot straight gay porn star in this wacky industry, you didn’t spend too much time thinking about what might happen if your place of employment came crashing down in a poetically justified shit storm. So, how do you manage the stress of being fired and get on the road to recovery?
Here are some tips:
Don’t Burn Bridges
I know it’s tempting, but try as hard as you can not to commit libel against your old bosses. Libel and slander are illegal, just like prostitution. Committing libel or slander would be like giving one of your bosses a behind-the-scenes blow job for a few dozen bucks, and you wouldn’t do that, now would you?
Manage Your Emotions
While you may feel that your future is uncertain, it’s important to stay off Twitter. Keep your feelings to yourself! I know you probably aren’t used to the thinking aspect of “thinking before you speak,” especially after having spent so much time saying whatever homophobic epithets popped in your head, but this simple acronym can help you to not say stupid things: STFU. (Stop, Think, Focus, and Unwind.)
Start Over
Once you’ve allowed yourself some time to mend emotionally and have gotten over the anger of being kicked out of your former studio like some uncooperative homosexual, you need to find a new job. So, make a bad situation into a fantastic opportunity! Do something you’ve always wanted to do, like when Cliff Jensen (or Riley Price, or Jayden Grey) took the brave step toward starting his own studio.
Play to Your Strengths
Anyone can get a job at Pac Sun or Hot Dog On A Stick, but you’re better than that. You were once a mega huge straight gay porn star, and you have options, too. For example, if you’re abnormally short but have a huge cock, you can become a little dwarf miner, a human stepping stool, or a midget porn star. If you’re a hot and edgy bro with a lot of ridiculous tattoos, you can become a famous MMA fighter or a reality teevee show contestant with a strategically exploited “gay porn past” that you can say you are “ashamed of” and that you “regret.” Or, if you were once the heterosexual King of Gay Porn, well, why not give straight porn a shot? You should be really good at straight porn if you really are the true heterosexual King of Gay Porn. If you are in fact straight, then prove it by doing straight porn and leaving the gay porn industry alone forever.
If you just got fired, I wish you the best. I hope you take my advice, and if not you can always blame it on the economy or Obama. No one really cares either way.
This thread couldn’t have come at a better time for Samuel O’Toole, Rod Dailey, or Marcus Mojo….
I assume they were Zach’s inspiration…
My guest contributor Mark wrote this article.
Fear not, boys. There always will be ‘ rentboy ‘ and sugar daddies. We all know where the money comes.
Speaking of midgets, why there is no midget gay porn? Not that i’m into such kind of thing. But I thought you could find anything on the net. Why gay midget community is discriminated?