Animal Liberation NSF, a Sydney-based animal rights group, has marched in the Sydney Mardis Gras Parade for the past three years, and one year they even won “most creative float.” But this year, in a move that echoes the leatherman uprising against against “leather carpetbagger” microphone whores, our Australian brethren told the activists that they are not allowed to exploit our superior gay spaces for their buzz-kill causes.
The Mardi Gras Parade organizers told Animal Liberation NSF that their organization wasn’t relevant and gay enough. So the animal activists said they’d march as “Sydney Queers For Animal Rights.” (“Queer” because 80% of the participants identify as “GLBSGDQ,” which stands for “gay lesbian bisexual sex/gender diverse and queer,” which means “lesbians who don’t shave their legs.”)
But the gay organizers rejected the animal activists once again, and for good reason. Until pleather boots come into fashion, animal rights are simply not consistent with a lot of gay gear and sub-cultures. But the larger, more important point is that we do not want to be thinking of dying animals when we’re trying to party, ingest, imbibe and fuck. It’s the same reason we don’t choose “Darfur” as a safe word.
Maybe gay people are starting to take a stand against politicizing our fun and sexual spaces because we’re so hungover from the responsibility that comes with mainstream acceptance and the isolation that comes with online cruising. Whatever the cause, gays everywhere are severing ties with animal rights diehards, including the
gay “queer” ones. Take the Holocaust-exploiters at PETA, for example. Multiple people told me that flaccid gay protesters failed to impress at last month’s MAL, and even Joe.My.God, who so epitomizes homosexuality that he even has a poz cat — is fed up with PETA.
And just today, the flaming ice queen Johnny Weir — America’s most famous gay athlete, whether he’s out or not — said that he agreed to wear faux fur to the Olympics just so the boundary-crossing animal activists would shut the fuck up.
Below: "The Long Stroke," the cable news spoof, the candid photos, your new favorite euphemism and the great Christian retreat.
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