War Machine, whose real name is Jon Koppenhaver, got into a fight with a patron last Friday night at Krave, Las Vegas’ most popular gay nightclub. Koppenhaver then punched security guards who were attempting to escort him out of the club and police swooped in and arrested him.
We’re suckers for violent men with ripped, inked-up bodies and cauliflower ear. And we think we may have a chance with this guy — while it’s not clear whether War Machine is turned on by neurotic bloggers, at the very least he is turned on by men.
The evidence is overwhelming. He spends his Friday nights at gay clubs, he manicures his eyebrows, he has an “Alpha Male” tattoo above his crotch and, most damningly, he once made out with his dad. (Or rather, he performed CPR on his dad in when he was 14 and his father had suffered a heart attack which he later died from.)
Plus, War Machine takes adoring pictures of his body in the tradition of Manhunt self-portraiture. War Machine, you can beat us up anytime you like.
Below: "The Long Stroke," the cable news spoof, the candid photos, your new favorite euphemism and the great Christian retreat.
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