Hooker Blog of The Month: Suburban Rentboy

Reading Suburban Rentboy’s blog kind of makes me want to become a hooker. I can relate to his limits (the morbidly obese), his goals (a trip to Paris on Daddy) and his dirty work rationale (one month’s mortgage for a one-day trip.) 

Really, the $200 an hour gig doesn’t seem that bad considering that his biggest horror story so far describes a client who likes to fuck to Peter Gabriel. Here’s an excerpt from his post, “Viagra allows my mind to wander:

Ready? “Killing Me Softly with His Song” (the REALLY old version by Roberta Flack), “Hey Mickey You’re So Fine” by Toni Basil, “Take My Breath Away” by Berlin…I lay on my back, legs above my head resting on the headboard as he ferociously licked my boy cunt, and my mind was miles away remembering that ridiculous Toni Basil video… what ever happened to her?

…By now the guy has a condom on and has been fucking me since the beginning of “Solsbury Hill” – and I realized how far gone I had been…I may have been daydreaming, but thanks to my trusty 1/2 dose of Viagra I took before I showed up, he’ll never knew.

And then there’s the client who ripped him off:

This was one of those old guys (probably in his late 50s) that tans WAY too much – to the point where parts of his body look like leather. Yuck. Alas, the $250 was my light at the end of the hour-long tunnel. So afterwards…he asks me to follow him to his bank a couple blocks away. I got in my car and followed. Then when we get to a certain stop light, dude floors it, runs the stop light and speeds off without giving me a dime. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?

Suburban Rentboy has since learned to take the money upfront, and those muscle-stud clients he’d fuck for free help to balance out his spreadsheet.

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