“I have access to my brother’s blogs and there are tons of unpublished entries…”

Erik Rhodes’ twin is posting his brother’s unpublished blog posts.

I feel like I’ve read some of this before (maybe this is from a draft and it was cleaned up for another post that he did end up publishing?), but it doesn’t matter. His original Tumblr was pulled down shortly after his death, and it’s great to hear his voice again.

i think its funny that I’m still younger than most of the guys i been directing. Maybe if it wasn’t for all the years of drug and steroid abuse I’d still fit into that Falcon mold? I guess when your in your early 20’s being reckless can be attractive… approaching 30 …you look sad. Sad doesn’t sell porn.

I watch these kids now starting out and i remember when i was is their shoes… i wish someone just told me to stay grounded cause one morning you wake up and you realize that your old news… you’ve wasted so much time that you won’t know where to turn. If it isn’t hard enough growing old in the gay community… i think you need to be extra secure with yourself in order to accept this fucking fate. Prepare yourself… you dumb porn star…

Lets face it… all the drugs were just a blanket for never being secure with myself… fuck, my liver and kidneys are rotting and i can’t stop trying to reach this impossible goal of self perfection… for what, for who? i still can’t have a conversation with a stranger without putting on an act…i tell myself you have to live up to this bullshit persona and i don’t know who i am anymore. It sucks to wonder who i could have been…

I’m not sure where this is all coming from… well i know, anxiety… but the company i spent my entire career with was sold and it scares me… not that i don’t like the people cause in fact, its a company i have admired for awhile… but its my awkward disposition in this industry… an aging porn-star and rookie director who rather hide than take the bull by the horns and ride that motherfucker into the dirt… how do you roll with the punches and retain your dignity?

I guess we’ll find out.

[Unpublished Blog Drafts From My Brother]

 

22 thoughts on ““I have access to my brother’s blogs and there are tons of unpublished entries…””

  1. I don’t know anything about “social media” stuff. I am gay however & thought Erik Rhodes was extremely handsome & well built. When I read he had a twin brother I was clearly curious as to what he looks like. I’m only talking facially. That’s because there are fraternal twins & identical twins. I didn’t know which was the case here. There’s another gay porn actor named Cliff Rhodes. I thought he was possibly Erik’s brother. He’s also quite attractive, but I see now that he is not the brother. As to carrying on the tradition, it is obvious the actual brother should not do gay porn. For one reason, if such sex is not appealing to him it would show. I’m sure there are straight actors (both porn or Hollywood film) that don’t do sex, but standard physique photos or plain nude photos- just for income, not “fun”. I see nothing wrong there, unless of course the actor or his family wish it not to be.

  2. Poor soul. At least he is remembered for the genuine, hot and very inteligent person he was. Hope he’s in a better place now, far away from the vultures and the demons. RIP James, you’re missed.

  3. BTW I knew that Erik did a solo scene for RandyBlue, but I never knew that he did a live solo scene as well. For those of you who have or thinking of getting a membership, I honestly think seeing this live solo scene is well worth it. It’s not because of the sexual aspect of it, but his interview is very intriguing. He is surprisingly articulate, genuinely nervous and just so surprisingly down-to-earth, it’s hard to believe that he is the same Erik Rhodes that was considered so controversial even during those years. I wish that his stay at RB would have been longer, because I think this live stuff, webcamming, and even the environment of the Randy Blue studios would have been good for him on a social aspect.

  4. While waiting for Taylor Swift to exit a performance at GMA in NYC out comes tattoo’d Erik to smoke a cigarette. My jaw dropped. He must work for Good Morning America because it appeared he had all access in the media frenzy. I took more pictures of him then Taylor who?

      1. How about you don’t post anything of my husband.. That’s just creepy leave the guy alone he is having a hard enough time as it is

        1. My deepest condolences to your and your husband. I can only imagine that the added attention paid to your husband (by way of mistaken identity) only serves to make his grief that much less manageable. I pray all the best to you and your husband because the pain that he is valiantly hoping to crawl from under is great and the unwarranted and unwonted attention he is receiving in the wake of James’ death is nothing short of saddening.

    1. They are both muscular, except Erik/James’ twin has a smaller frame but that’s because he didn’t use any enhancers (or at least not to the extent of Erik Rhodes) so he’s more naturally muscular. Also Erik’s twin is straight and heavily tattooed. But facewise he is a mirror image of him it’s a bit surreal even.

  5. I imagine losing a sibling is one thing; losing a mirror image — a twin brother — is another. You can feel the pain and anguish of Erik’s brother on his blog. I hope he realizes that, for whatever reason, Erik chose a path in life that couldn’t have a happy ending. As close as these twins were, there was nothing he could have done to save his brother.

    1. Exactly. This is Jon’s therapy. James was his best friend, not to mention his twin. He is devastated – and I hope people remember this in case they happen to see Jon on the streets of NYC. Leave the guy alone – let him have his privacy. He is not Erik Rhodes – Erik Rhodes was a fictional person. He is not James. Jon is a straight, married man mourning the loss of his brother and I’m sure he doesn’t want or need his picture taken by random people.

  6. SkittleFits says:
    October 23, 2012 at 2:17 pm
    The twin brother should do porn and carry on Erik’s legacy. There’s a hungry rosebud just waiting to poke its ruby head out and BLOOM. Fans would be A-GAPE with excitement.

    GENIUS

  7. The twin brother should do porn and carry on Erik’s legacy. There’s a hungry rosebud just waiting to poke its ruby head out and BLOOM. Fans would be A-GAPE with excitement.

    1. Really nice to see someones death and one mans loss is all about some twisted rosebud sexual fantasy. Show some respect you creepy troll.

    2. That’s sick. Erik/James’ twin (who is straight by the way) is in a lot of pain and anyone who would suggest he “carry on” his legacy is so wrong. Why would you want to screw with his mind that way?

    3. You can’t be serious. Have some respect for my husband you fucking loser. He lost his twin, his other half and this is what u come up with?

  8. I wish he would have allowed people to see this side of himself. I think James is someone who would have been treated better than “Erik Rhodes” was, and probably better liked. THIS guy actually sounds like someone who was at heart a kind soul….many things can be said about the “Erik Rhodes” persona, but that isn’t one of them.

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