I just bought these pants that have pictures of penises all over them, but I’m not sure where I should wear them for the first time. Yes, I realize that these penis pants were actually designed for a female, but I have lost so much weight since I started doing Zumba, I can fit into practically anything, even female penis pants. Where should I wear my new penis pants for the first time?
In my line of work, you would think that it would be appropriate to wear these penis pants to the office, but you’d be wrong. When I told my co-workers about my new penis pants, they all laughed at me and called me a pervert. “You’re way too into penises, you weirdo!” said my boss. But so what if I want to walk around with hundreds of pictures of penises covering my lower body. I think it would be a real conversation starter and it would get people to not be so ashamed of the human body–particularly the human penis! And if they had vagina pants, I would wear those, too. (But let’s be honest, nobody wants to look at a bunch of gross vagines, so they probably won’t ever make pussy pants, thank God!)
Maybe I could wear my penis pants to a fancy restaurant.
Maybe I could wear my penis pants to the movies.
Maybe I could wear my penis pants to a book store.
Maybe I could wear my penis pants to go get some FroYo.
My penis pants have white penises and black penises, circumcised penises and uncircumcised penises, tiny penises and jumbo-sized penises and even average-sized penises. Because remember, size doesn’t matter–except when it comes to my penis pants! I wear a 31 waist.
There are old penises and young penises on my penis pants. Erect penises and flaccid penises and semi-hard penises. My penis pants have Latin penises, Middle-Eastern penises, Asian penises, and European penises. My penis pants are the United Colors of Benetton of penis pants, except they’re not from United Colors of Benetton, they’re from BasKosters.com.
Maybe I could wear my penis pants to the mall.
Maybe I could wear my penis pants to the gym.
Maybe I could wear my penis pants to a nightclub.
Maybe I could wear my penis pants to a nude beach.
My penis pants cost me $150, which is a small price to pay for the chance to wear pants with penises on them. I will be the center of attention wherever I go because people are fascinated by penises and fashion. But I’m not wearing my penis pants to get attention, I’m wearing them because I want to prove to people that penises are perfectly natural. And if you’ve got a problem with my penis pants, that’s your problem, not mine. Keep your hands off my penis pants.
Where should I wear my penis pants?