Hey guys. After testing positive for AIDS last Sunday at The Abbey in WeHo, I have been getting drunk every day and living in complete denial. But in order to face facts and deal with reality, I decided to go back to The Abbey today and revisit the “scene of the crime” where I first found out that I had contracted HIV. And to my surprise, not only was that ugly HIV testing motorhome thing parked out front again, now there was also a giant glass box filled with flying money and flashing red lights.
As it happens, somebody already won that brand new car, so now they were letting everyone who got tested spend 30 seconds in the “Cash Grab Machine” to grab as much cash as they could, regardless of whether they tested negative or positive!
Given a choice, I would have obviously chosen 30 seconds in the Cash Grab Machine over being entered into a raffle to win a stupid car (and I also would have chosen being HIV negative over HIV positive!), so this was clearly very unfair. Why do some people get to experience the exciting thrill of going into a Cash Grab Machine while others merely get their name thrown in a hat to win a dumb Fiat? Obviously, I knew I deserved a shot in the Cash Grab Machine today, so I went ahead and signed up to get tested for the second time. And 15 minutes later, I found out that I had AIDS all over again! #ugh
I could tell that everyone at The Abbey and everyone inside the HIV testing motorhome felt super sorry for me because I just tested positive for AIDS, but what they didn’t know was that I already knew I had HIV and I was only pretending to look sad and surprised so that I could have my chance in the Cash Grab Machine! #sorryboutit
It’s been kind of a weird day, what with finding out that I have AIDS for the second time in a row and then having to pretend that it was only the first time and letting everyone at The Abbey buy me drinks, but I think having to go through the whole experience again has really helped me come to terms with being positive, and maybe now I’ll be able to deal with it. Or maybe I’m just drunk.
Either way, my mission of getting inside that Cash Grab Machine was successful. Yes, I’m HIV positive, but how many HIV positive people do you know have had the experience of going in a Cash Grab Machine? And, I’m happy to report that I pulled together $83 in 30 seconds. Talk about turning AIDS into lemonaids!
Here’s an amateur video of me inside the Cash Grab Machine just after testing HIV positive for the second time at The Abbey: