Hey guys, I just got back from day drinking at The Abbey, my favorite bar in WeHo. I’m a little buzzed right now and not quite sure what’s going on, but I think I just found out I have AIDS.
I’m sorry if this is all sort of confusing (imagine how I feel, I just found out I have AIDS!), but I wanted to sit down and blog and clear my head even though I’m still pretty drunk. Where do I begin? Well, I went to The Abbey with my BFFs Kayden, Aiden, Jayden, and Brayden this morning for our usual Sunday funday, but it ended up being not a very “fun day” at all after my HIV test came back positive. #ugh
Normally, we start with mimosas at The Abbey around noon and end up over at Fiesta Cantina having margaritas by 3 p.m. (unless that asshole bartender Brock is working, in which case we go to Micky’s next door and make fun of all the Asians), but before we even had our first drink, Aiden suggested that we get AIDS tests in this big motorhome thing outside the bar, “for fun.” The HIV test counselor, Brandyn, called us in one by one, and one by one Kayden, Aiden, Jayden, and Brayden came out holding up their negative HIV test results while smiling and shouting to everyone on The Abbey patio who was staring at the HIV motorhome, “Negative, bitches! Who wants to fuck this hole raw?!” So, imagine how messed up it was for me to come out last with my positive HIV test results and not be able to share the same good news? I was so embarrassed!
Luckily, Kayden, Aiden, Jayden, and Brayden didn’t judge me (to my face) for becoming HIV positive, and paid for ALL my drinks at The Abbey, which had to cost them at least like $80 each. #truefriends Then, as we were leaving, we saw that everyone who got tested for AIDS was automatically entered into a contest to win a 2012 Fiat, regardless of whether the test came back negative or positive!
I didn’t say anything to Kayden, Aiden, Jayden, or Brayden at the time, but I’m sorry, it just doesn’t seem fair to me that even the negative people have a chance at winning the car. Excuse me, but isn’t testing negative enough of a prize by itself? Winning the Fiat should be a prize for the people who tested HIV positive, as a sort of silver lining. I know if I had a new Fiat, it would be a lot easier to deal with this damn AIDS. Besides, Kayden, Aiden, Jayden, and Brayden already have new cars (Kayden and Brayden have Jettas, Aiden has a Mini Cooper, and Jayden has a Ford Fusion). I’m still driving a 2009 Corolla, and I have AIDS. #poor
Anyways, thanks for letting me vent to you guys. I just went to The Abbey and found out I have AIDS, but at least I might win a car.