After watching the below video (via) about the polyamorous yet closed three-way relationship between Mark, Franco, and Vinny, I finally know what my next big life change needs to be. I need to enter into a closed polyamorous three-way relationship with two other men.
Over the past 10 years, I have endured failed relationship after failed relationship, never understanding what I was doing wrong or how I could have “made it last.” I have been cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of, physically and verbally abused, stolen from, and made to feel like complete garbage, but because I am a romantic at heart, I still haven’t given up on love. And now, after seeing how Mark, Franco, and Vinny have been able to create a healthy relationship, I finally know what it takes to make true love last. I finally know what I want: I want to enter into a closed polyamorous three-way relationship with two other men.
I want to go shopping in New York City with the two men I am in love with, locked arm-in-arm-in-arm as if to say, look at us, we’re all together in a closed polyamorous three-way relationship. And when we go shopping, I want us to hold our shopping bags in each of our free hands while our other hands embrace our shared partner in the middle, which will illustrate the perfect balance and equilibrium to our relationship. I want to create different dynamics within each of the one-on-one relationships the three of us have with each other, wherein I am a father figure to one of my partners, one of my partners is a father figure to me, and then also my other partner is like a stepbrother figure to the other partner, who is in turn a cousin figure to him.
Once I’m in my closed polyamorous three-way relationship, I’ll need to start taking better care of myself so that my partners will still find me physically attractive and worthy of being in a relationship with them. But at the same time, I won’t want to surpass either of my partners in physical attractiveness, seeing as one of us might get jealous of another one of us if he becomes “too hot.” It’s important to wear the same style jewelry, dress in the same kind of clothing, and maintain roughly the same amount of body hair, facial hair, and muscles. It’s important we all look as close to each other as physically possible so that people on the outside of our closed polyamorous three-way relationship don’t want to fuck one of us more than another one of us.
The best part about being in a closed polyamorous three-way relationship is that I will finally get to adopt a label and become a “type.” It might not be clear “who is who” at first, but eventually our roles will become defined via the sexual positions we learn to enjoy most with one another, what happens to our hair (changes to gray, falls out), and who makes the most money. I of course want to make the most money and to be the “daddy,” but at the same time I don’t want to lose my hair or have it become a different color. I want to be young and not old, but wise and not naive. I want to be a bear and a twink and a muscle otter who is butch yet femme and who possesses all of the things — any of the things — that all men desire. I want to be desirable and I am willing to adapt to any label or any type in order to find the right man. Or men, as it were.
The other best part about being in a closed polyamorous three-way relationship is that we will defy stereotypes. We will be unique. So many are so quick to say that homosexuals are sex-obsessed, superficial men whose existence is defined by how many guys they can sleep with and what subset of the gay community they fall into, but we will prove them all wrong by not just being in a committed relationship with one other person, but by being in a committed relationship with two other people who are distinct and diverse from each other. Not that we’ll care what anyone on the outside of our closed polyamorous three-way relationship thinks of us.
I want to be validated. Once I am in my closed polyamorous three-way relationship, I’ll want to be interviewed for a short documentary film on the changing nature of gay relationships and how to make a closed polyamorous three-way relationship work. Only by having my story recorded and then shared with millions of people will my relationship become “real.”
I will have cute co-workers and friends from whatever upscale gay neighborhood I live in and work in appear in my short documentary film to further legitimize me. They will do so via generalizations about homosexuality and tolerance and through the use of their own life story, all of which will ultimately serve to endorse my specific relationship. Once I am in a relationship with my partners and I have my quest for love documented on the internet, everyone will know who I am and that my relationship is just as valid as theirs.
I am going to enter into a closed polyamorous three-way relationship once I meet and fall in love with two other men, and I don’t care what anyone thinks.