I Want To Enter Into A Closed Polyamorous Three-Way Relationship

After watching the below video (via) about the polyamorous yet closed three-way relationship between Mark, Franco, and Vinny, I finally know what my next big life change needs to be. I need to enter into a closed polyamorous three-way relationship with two other men.

Over the past 10 years, I have endured failed relationship after failed relationship, never understanding what I was doing wrong or how I could have “made it last.” I have been cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of, physically and verbally abused, stolen from, and made to feel like complete garbage, but because I am a romantic at heart, I still haven’t given up on love. And now, after seeing how Mark, Franco, and Vinny have been able to create a healthy relationship, I finally know what it takes to make true love last. I finally know what I want: I want to enter into a closed polyamorous three-way relationship with two other men.


I want to go shopping in New York City with the two men I am in love with, locked arm-in-arm-in-arm as if to say, look at us, we’re all together in a closed polyamorous three-way relationship. And when we go shopping, I want us to hold our shopping bags in each of our free hands while our other hands embrace our shared partner in the middle, which will illustrate the perfect balance and equilibrium to our relationship. I want to create different dynamics within each of the one-on-one relationships the three of us have with each other, wherein I am a father figure to one of my partners, one of my partners is a father figure to me, and then also my other partner is like a stepbrother figure to the other partner, who is in turn a cousin figure to him.

Once I’m in my closed polyamorous three-way relationship, I’ll need to start taking better care of myself so that my partners will still find me physically attractive and worthy of being in a relationship with them. But at the same time, I won’t want to surpass either of my partners in physical attractiveness, seeing as one of us might get jealous of another one of us if he becomes “too hot.” It’s important to wear the same style jewelry, dress in the same kind of clothing, and maintain roughly the same amount of body hair, facial hair, and muscles. It’s important we all look as close to each other as physically possible so that people on the outside of our closed polyamorous three-way relationship don’t want to fuck one of us more than another one of us.

The best part about being in a closed polyamorous three-way relationship is that I will finally get to adopt a label and become a “type.” It might not be clear “who is who” at first, but eventually our roles will become defined via the sexual positions we learn to enjoy most with one another, what happens to our hair (changes to gray, falls out), and who makes the most money. I of course want to make the most money and to be the “daddy,” but at the same time I don’t want to lose my hair or have it become a different color. I want to be young and not old, but wise and not naive. I want to be a bear and a twink and a muscle otter who is butch yet femme and who possesses all of the things — any of the things — that all men desire. I want to be desirable and I am willing to adapt to any label or any type in order to find the right man. Or men, as it were.

The other best part about being in a closed polyamorous three-way relationship is that we will defy stereotypes. We will be unique. So many are so quick to say that homosexuals are sex-obsessed, superficial men whose existence is defined by how many guys they can sleep with and what subset of the gay community they fall into, but we will prove them all wrong by not just being in a committed relationship with one other person, but by being in a committed relationship with two other people who are distinct and diverse from each other. Not that we’ll care what anyone on the outside of our closed polyamorous three-way relationship thinks of us.

I want to be validated. Once I am in my closed polyamorous three-way relationship, I’ll want to be interviewed for a short documentary film on the changing nature of gay relationships and how to make a closed polyamorous three-way relationship work. Only by having my story recorded and then shared with millions of people will my relationship become “real.”

I will have cute co-workers and friends from whatever upscale gay neighborhood I live in and work in appear in my short documentary film to further legitimize me. They will do so via generalizations about homosexuality and tolerance and through the use of their own life story, all of which will ultimately serve to endorse my specific relationship. Once I am in a relationship with my partners and I have my quest for love documented on the internet, everyone will know who I am and that my relationship is just as valid as theirs.

I am going to enter into a closed polyamorous three-way relationship once I meet and fall in love with two other men, and I don’t care what anyone thinks.

 

42 thoughts on “I Want To Enter Into A Closed Polyamorous Three-Way Relationship”

  1. Fine if it works for them but yeah…it’s not gonna catch on in the gay world. Sure some gay men may do it. Some straights are into polygamy. There are all facets to gay life just as there are in straight ones.

  2. I am so happy for you. I feel a sense of deep satisfaction and connection that is tapped in each of you by each of you. We all live in and experience life at different levels of depth. Your critics are playing at the surface, judgmental You three are connected at a much deeper level. That is how I feel with my partner who’s half my age and we’re on 6 yrs. Thanks for being a great example. I’ve often wondered about the possibility of us living within a relationship with another man involved… someone who is also living life at a deeper more satiating level ;-)

  3. Three “hotbod” gymbunnies in a relationship, what a surprise. I’m sure their entire conversation revolves around their nutrition supplements and their workout routines. Do I sound bitter? Sorry, because I’m not, at all. It’s just that these three are the very epitome of the “I’m hot, you’re not” crowd you see at circuit parties, always with shirts off, showing off their perfect pecs and sneering at everyone else like roosters in the chicken yard. Best wishes to them, but at the first sign of muscle sag, this marriage will fizzle.

  4. There are straight threesomes that have attempted this. Remember the 60s? Anyway, I don’t have a problem with the idea. But I do see the complexity of a relationship becoming exponentially more difficult by adding a third, and that a long-term relationship is unlikely.

  5. Personally I would be happy if I could find one decent man to love and be in a relationship with. Not gonna get greedy and try and find two!! Personally I think relationships like this once again work against gay rights and make others think we are all a bunch of freaks who don’t deserve the right to get married.

  6. Their incredibly shallow idea that their physical attractiveness is what makes them attractive and that they have to “prevent anyone of them being more attractive than the other two” is the crux of the problem. If the 24 year old was 50 lbs heavier with pimples and a lazy eye, I wouldn’t bet much on this “relationship”.

    I know lots of “thruples” out here on the left coast…and many of them are successful…for a while. But the pattern is usuall the same. Long-term couple gets bored …one of them finds another outside interest and the other consents to keep the relationship going. Long story short – the newcomer can never compete with the bond between teh other two and in the end the novelty of a new piece of meat wears off and the original couple are back to each other…

  7. Yeah, this is like that note of the two dumbheads “redefining” the monogamous gay relationship…remember??

  8. Good for them! they must get an even bigger discount when they go for roids, botox or plastic surgery.

  9. One thing that is spooky is how much they all look like eachother. The older guy looks like he would look like the younger guys about 25 years ago. And the 2 other guys look similiar. Ever see 2 gay boyfriends who look just like eachother? Do gay guys love themselves that much?
    I like complete opposites but to each their own

    1. +1 I totally got that too. They could all be brothers…or clones. Creepy or lame, I’m not sure which.

    2. hahaha i thought the same…like a movie on how they will look like the old guy in a few years. I guess they even wake up in the morning and try to match the beards hahahahaha

  10. I know this 3-way couple. They own two older men run a popular gay bar. Vinny dances there. They are always fighting and Vinny is always throwing a fit about something. He always claims to feel disposable because the other two are married and can kick him out whenever they please. This video might just be all smoke and mirrors….

  11. Let’s face it – poly amorous relationships are just near impossible in theory. Honestly good for them if all three TRULY feel that they all are 100% good for it – but it sounds like when the original couple got married, the older guy started itching for something else and younger, and his husband was desperate to keep him, so he allowed for the three-person relationship. And they were talking on how the “older daddy” went on one-on-one dates with the new young guy without having a date night with his actual husband – that’s fucked up and shows that the Older daddy really wanted the third person, not his husband.

    Overall – “Older Daddy” wants something young to fuck. His husband would do anything to keep him so he allows for it. And then the young guy gets a financial aid while living in Chelsea and going to school.

    They’re all consenting adults, good for them if it truly works. But let’s face it, one of them (Mark) is getting the shit end of the deal, and he’s doing what he feels he needs to do to keep his husband.

    1. Starting June 7th on TLC @9:00pm ct
      A brand new show:

      “Brother Husbands”

      they’d fit right in with the TLClebrity!

      LOL!!

  12. Nothing but lax and permissive. I’m fine with their lifestyle as long as they are far away. Oh, if my opinion offends anyone, so be it.

  13. Ok, I have a couple of things to say. First off this to me sounds very complex and selfish on all three parties, I think the oldest guy is just like every man on this planet gay/straight a greedy pig and having a difficult time dealing with getting older/ageing. I also think that you can clearly see by the intersaction on the clip, the first married groom seems to be just going along to please his older partner,he does not seem all that thrilled to be sharing his husband, maybe the older gents life insurance policy is worth waiting around for. The youngest guy seems to be very immature/clueless, and get off being a third wheel in the relationship that was established way before him. I’d like an update in a year or two, to see how this all plays out, when everyone in the relationship realizes this is not going to workout. I can already see it now, the oldest daddy will be left alone when he can no longer keep up with the sexual needs/desires of both of his younger partners, the other groom will have become sick and tired of having to share his husband with little daddy and move on to a more realistic fulfilling relationship. The youngest kid will have finished school and can afford to move out on his own, he will have grown up and out of the whole three way situation. Who knows I could be wrong, this could be the pioneering new gay relationship,(I doubt it)!

  14. I think one of the great aspects of being gay – especially as shown to me by a number of wise older men I met early on after coming out – is that there’s no need to agree to the limiting terms of the majority culture. I am all for freaks and weirdos and defying all sort of cultural norms and expectations, and that goes, quite frankly, to conceptions about monogamy, marriages and “long term relationships.” I wouldn’t begin to judge these three men on their choices or overly assess how they live or their long term prospects (I’m also pretty sure I know where that apartment building is, and it’s a few blocks from where I used to live). That said, I think some gay men long for a kind of validation that’s both illusory and unrealistic, that if we use a lot of fancy words and sound really thoughtful, somehow that will make some especially defiant choices all okay and “acceptable.” “Closed polyamorous relationship” strikes me as just this sort of trying to dress up, and somehow normalize that your occasional trick has moved in and stayed. And hey… that’s fine and all of y’all’s business… but let’s not try and make this too deep, shall we? Their living arrangement is not somehow “worse” than those of heterosexual couples in traditional marriages… but it’s also not better, more emotionally validating, or whatever else term is meant to convey some sort of brilliantly evolved thought process. And no documentary or overblown seriousness will make it so. I’d also casually observe that mostly it looks like they’ve built a better emotional minefield… and who knows where that debris will go?

    All of which, Zach, you’ve managed to brilliantly put into satirical commentary. Genius.

    1. You win the Internet. And the Daddy shirts and ass-labeled shorts just make me want to throw obscuring paint on them like a PETA nutjob.

  15. Hmm let’s see, how long did it last with Daniel Marvin and Pedro Andreas and their tag-along Juan Blas? Honestly 3-way relationships only last until 2 of them build a stronger relationship with each other, and eventually phase out the 3rd one. Sadly that’s what happened with Daniel, Pedro & Juan. Daniel and Juan ran off to be together, and there’s no telling what they’re both up to these days. Pedro is still around doing porn here and there.

  16. Well…

    …All I’m going to say is that opponents / opposition to the ballot initiative in Maine to legalize gay marriage (which currently has 58% support and would give the gay community unparalleled social legitimacy – isn’t democracy better than courts?) and Prop 8 (in the event it reaches the Supreme Court and the courts “yeah, we cannot quite say California violated equal protection given most states have banned civil unions let alone gay marriage”), I’d *SO* be using these guys as the pin up boys for my campaign.

    Ps I wonder how “long” these relationships last statistically.

      1. Firstly, American schools are already segregated. Don’t need a law to do what is already occurring. Moreover, “desegregation” does not prove that blacks students actually score better and are more likely to go to college and it was only *after* society nationwide demanded those changes the courts took the option up: indeed segregation and bans on inter-radical marriage was explicitly upheld by the court, THEN that decision (Plessy) was overturned nearly 60 years later. Likewise with inter-racial marriage: it was only a few outlier states which retained it when the Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional (a vote, btw, made by the legislature not the voters). So you naively overlook the fact most of the courts decisions come AFTER social change has occurred and indeed they often lag it. So you have an unrealistic view of the way courts operate (even with gay marriage 26 judgements have found *no* rights exists; where they did find such a right it was in areas which are fairly liberal to begin with and/or the vote was extremely close, often 2-4 years after the event).

        Secondly, they might very well they are using the same arguments for inter-racial marriage. But they also make distinguish the two and also using the same arguments that were used during Plato, Aristotle, Roman. Ultimately, it is a matter of preference and given society has changed throughout the ages who is the say your new status quo is the final set of vocabularies we will see? Of course, there could also be some libertarians who voted no to gay marriage because they don’t believe the state should be involved in it.

        Thirdly, you have not denied that in all possible worlds you would like to see voters grant the right to same sex marriage, thereby giving the gay movement unparalleled social legitimacy, silencing detractors once and for all, creating history in the process. Indeed, if the whole point of gay rights is “acceptance”, then I could not think of a more ‘accepting’ act than the voters, rather than a court 4:3 (whereby one has to listen to claim of “activist” judges), granting such a right. That’s how the suffragists did it.

        1. *inter-racial marriage(typo). Also Plessy constitutionalized separate but equal; Loving overruled Pace v. Alabama (1883); Kirby v. Kirby (1921).

  17. Do your thing guys but I think the whole cutesy Daddy T shirt thing is a tad obnoxious. We get it. You’re 3 hot gay men in love but are the bedazzled shirts and shorts with your names sprawled across the ass necessary? This is the true reason the religious right hates us.

    1. that’s not why they hate us silly. they just hate us period. But agreed, the 3 of them are hot, but horrible fashion sense. It’s basically 3 hot “mean” girls in love with each other. it’s all for show. let’s have a follow-up to see how long the mean girls last together. I’m sure they’ll get into some type of bitch fight eventually and break up. this story was so lame.

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