I will fly to Atlanta where Don Lemon is. I will pay to have Thomas Roberts flown from NYC to Atlanta. I will get a hotel room at the Atlanta airport-adjacent Comfort Inn Suites where the three of us will meet, and then I will pay $875 million dollars to Don Lemon and Thomas Roberts ($437,500,000 each) to film them while they do 69 on the bed.
Don Lemon and Thomas Roberts don’t have to cum, but if they do, I will throw $10,000 extra dollars into the pot ($5,000 each), plus I will treat them to lunch at the Atlanta airport Chili’s.
Also, I will pay every member of the men’s 2012 Olympic gymnastic team $50 billion dollars each if they perform their floor exercises in the nude with partially erect penises immediately after letting me perform oral sex on all of them in the locker room.
And, I will pay $14,000,000,000,000 to Adam Lambert, Lance Bass, Ricky Martin, George Michael, Boy George, Elton John, Clay Aiken, The Village People, the corpse of Freddie Mercury, and Jake Shears ($1,400,000,000,000 each) for a gay rock star bukkake orgy wherein Adam Lambert, Lance Bass, Ricky Martin, George Michael, Boy George, Elton John, Clay Aiken, The Village People, and Jake Shears are all the powerbottoms and—in order for it to resemble most of the gay porn being produced these days—the corpse of Freddie Mercury is the top.
Then, I will pay Bravo’s Andy Cohen one roll of pennies ($.50) to fuck himself with a 12-inch dildo while commentating on a burning bag of dog shit.
Finally, I will pay $1,000,000 for the homemade jerk off tape of anyone famous, and then I will upload it to Xtube where everyone can watch it for free.