5. The Da Vinci Load
(PZP Prods, 2006)
“The Priory of Semen, an ancient secret society, finds an ancient scroll that can only be decoded by soaking it with the loads of Leonardo Da Vinci’s study descendants, who must cum on the faces of virgin twinks.” While no “virgin twinks” could be found, it fortunately turned out that skanky-ass cumslut twinks work too, thank G-d.
4. The Abduction(Falcon Studios, 1992)
“Caldwell, as a uniformed military type, has men abducted from their homes and brought to his punishment dungeon so he can search them for a mysterious roll of film. He and his cronies leave no orifice unexplored in their search. Cocks, dildos and fists slip effortlessly into gaping manpussies.” Stop right there. You had us at “gaping manpussies.”
3. Spy Quest
(Titan Media 2005)
Spy Quest, which stars blogger de force Spencer Quest, brags on the boxcover that “it doesn’t waste your time with tales of espionage.” Oh. Um. So, not really sure why it’s on our list. Wow. This is kind of awkward actually. Let’s just move on.
2. Spy Boy 2(Dream Boy, 2005)
“James Bonk, Britain’s studliest spy, is back! International crisis looms as devilishly cute villain Willy Blondini steals the DNA of an important religious leader. And only bonk can help! He sucks and fucks their way through Blondini’s network of sex dens, finally tracing the heinous blond baddy to a château on the outskirts of Paris. This could be our hero’s last stand… but he has something in his pants that just might save the day!” (Spoiler: that something in his pants is an erect penis.)
1. Goldenrod(Studio 2000, 2003)
Its title is similar to Goldeneye, and it stars Johnny Bronson, whose last name is reminiscent of James Bond actor Pierce Brosnan. Thank you! We’ll be here all night.
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