Hey everyone, welcome to another installment of “I fucking hate this. Why is this a thing? Someone make it stop.” That’s not a real segment on this website, but if I keep seeing shit like this, I might make it one.
This week’s edition of “IFHT. WITAT? SMIS.” is brought to you by a terrible Disney-themed Fleshlight made by Austin-based artist Malek Lazri. The sex toy is modeled after Heimlich, the chubby German caterpillar from A Bug’s Life, and is currently being sold on eBay and Craigslist for $2,000. This one-of-a-kind toy features Heimlich’s face as the entry point for the toy with a case that’s painted to resemble the character.
Lazri is trying to pass off the toy as an authentic piece of Bug’s Life merch that was “only given to a select few high ranking Pixar executives for personal use.” Which… is obviously not true. Lazri told Vice that he got the idea from an online meme and he wanted to make the meme a reality.
“I just thought it would be so great to make that a reality, to make it in real life” Lazri said. “I put my own little spin on it.”
If you were looking to actually purchase this $2,000 toy, you’re probably gonna be disappointed when you actually get it. It doesn’t seem like this Fleshlight has an actual opening that you can fuck. Heimlich’s little buggy mouth doesn’t actually open, so no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to actually fulfill your sexy German caterpillar fantasies.
So what do you think about this toy? Are you going to put a bid on it? Would you buy it if it actually had a slit you could fuck? Sound off in the comments below.