Salter isn’t, of course, the first crystal user to be consumed by an obsession to catch a guy. No doubt exhausted by the two-year campaign, Salter was clearly delusional and desperate for a dose of human contact during their whirlwind plane-hopping tour of the country. And despite his being supposedly heterosexual and married, we still know a bi-curious, bear top when we see one! He’s a Republican for crying out loud. He must be a closeted ‘mo!
Without further ado, we present the following Craigslist posts from 5 of the 7 cities visited by the “Straight-Talk Express” and wonder: could one of these be from our speedy speech scribe?
STOP 1: TAMPA, FL Top daddy needs hot, horny oral active serviceman – 55 (St Pete — you host)
“Top daddy needs a hot, horny big-lipped guy who knows who to vaccuum a joystick! If you are looking to provide oral this am or pm, send your stats, age, pic and I’ll bring you my tool!”
(Note the use of the word “serviceman”. Unable to filter his sexual exploits from his professional reality, perhaps Salter has begun to fetishize former military officers like his boss.)
STOP 2: BLOUNTVILLE, TN I have already voted. Looking for your vote – 53 (Knoxville)
“Looking for a married man in great shape for weekday fun. I cannot host but can travel short distance. 6′ 3″ 220. Pic for trade.”
(The subject line is a clever, patriotic pun, and we all know that such innuendoes are the safety net of tired speechwriters. Also noting the age range and the advertiser’s inability to travel, this one seems concise and a possible contender for our man.)
STOP 3: MOON TOWNSHIP, PA LAST CHANCE FOR BLUE COLLAR MEN OVER 40 – I HOST/TRAVEL – 52 (Oakdale Hotel)
“Visiting biwmm with exceptional oral skills looking for masculine, alpha type men who want to lay back and enjoy what momma or lady friend seem to have forgotten how to do…..give oral service of major proportions. Prefer thicker, stockier men – probably 220#, ball cap, working stiffs (as I am) who are clean, disease free and want to give Mr. Willy a happy face. No reciprocation expected or desired. A little balding – a bit of a belly – all fine. I’m also masculine, clean, d/d free with outstanding oral skills. I can host or travel within reason until about noon. Easy, discreet room access – take your break with me….then try to explain that shit eatin grin you’ll have for the rest of the day. I leave for home on West Coast later today and our secret is sealed. Send me your age/ht/wt and whether you are str8, bi with assurance you are disease free, clean and interested. Pic for pic bu not a requirement,.”
(Visiting? Bisexual? Exceptional “oral” skills? Only available until noon? Shit-eating grin for the rest of the day? Like the one Mark had during the WSJ interview? Come on! This one IS HIM.)
STOP 4: INDIANAPOLIS, IN Submissive, bi white businessman visiting, wants to satisfy you – 50 (Indy area-Tuesday )
“I am a bi white married businessman who will be in Indy on Tuesday morning and free till about 2 or 3PM. I would very much like to satisfy you, go down on you, deep throat you, and…..well, whatever turns you on, excites you!!!! A quickie blow and go is fine, or whatever you wish, and wherever you want to meet is fine with me. I cannot host but am willing to meet most anywhere safe….. I am in shape 6’0″ 190 with clean shaven face, short gray hair and somewhat smooth and 7″ cut. I am squeeky clean, discreet, d/d free and do not do this are or near home, but since I am not from Indy it is a great chance for me to please/satisfy you. Please use me……… I can play this afternoon and early evening.”
(Similar to the last posting, this “squeeky clean” hookup is within a limited window and posted by an out-of-town businessman who fits Salter’s description to a T. He may really be 56, but he’s totally the kind of trick who would lie about that kind of thing.)
STOP 5: ROSWELL, NM (There are no gay people in Roswell, NM. Besides, we’re sure he was tuckered out from the last 4 by then).
RELATED:
Craigslist Gives Google Maps A Rimjob
Joe The Plumber: This Election’s Gay Sex Symbol
McCain Rally: Salter is Smiling (Washington Wire)