On Top of Everything Else, Your Cocaine Is About To Get More Expensive

U.S. Drug Czar John Walters, who next to Sarah Palin might be The Sword’s Enemy #2, sounds far too smug about the nearly $200 million score.

“Today we are now over 20 months into significant and sustained shortages of cocaine on the streets of the United States,” Walters said. “Last year alone, workplace drug testing [that returned positive] for cocaine dropped 19 percent. This is closing the vise. And in the process of closing the vise, [smugglers] have tried new techniques.”

Even though we know we offered some sensible advice about stretching your gay dollar during these downward spiraling economic times, and despite being plenty familiar with the downsides of the booger sugar, we still say that these newly stepped-up efforts to capture these semi-subs are a bit much.  So long as there are gays, and so long as Andy Dick is alive, the demand for blow will be robust enough to trump all the feds’ best efforts to deprive us of this drunkenness antidote completely. But goddamn, if they keep up this seizure shit those gram bags from the delivery guy are going to be $75 any day now.

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