Out’s “100 Eligible Bachelors” You Will Never, Ever Date

I’ve acknowledged that it’s my fault for treating Out with any seriousness or expecting it to reflect any semblance of reality when it is, as it has always been, a magazine that exists solely to stroke celebrity cock while taunting its readers with unattainable material things and false notions of what being a successful gay man is (being “famous” or, at least, very good looking!), all the while giving mainstream audiences who might look to it for a snapshot of what’s “going on with the gays” an awful, stereotypical, complete misrepresentation of who an actual gay man is. It’s a mistake to mistake Out for something more than a print publication that also exists solely to make money, which is probably why 16 of the 100 bachelors on its new list of “Eligible Bachelors” are fashion designers, i.e., people I’ve never heard of, i.e., people who buy ads in magazines. The other 84 work in entertainment or media, 99% of whom will never fuck you, much less date you. Sorry.

Some of the list:

Adam Lambert, Musician
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Actor
Yigit Pura, Pastry Chef
Scott Evans, Actor
Kyle Dean Massey, Actor
Johnny Weir, Ice Skater
Tim Gunn, Television Personality
Lee Daniels, Filmmaker
Andy Cohen, Bravo TV Programming Director
Perez Hilton, Media Mogul
Chris Colfer, Actor
Sean Hayes, Actor
Gareth Thomas, Rugby Player
John Cameron Mitchell, Filmmaker
TR Knight, Actor
Aiden Shaw, Porn Star/Writer
Clay Aiken, Musician
Francois Sagat, Actor/Model/Porn Star
Wilson Cruz, Actor
Lady Bunny, Drag Entertainer
Lance Bass, Musician/Actor
Guillermo Diaz, Actor
Louis van Amstel, Dancer
Colton Ford, Porn Star/Musician
David LaChapelle, Photographer
Jay Brannan, Musician, Actor
RuPaul, Drag Entertainer
John Waters, Filmmaker
Jeffree Star, Musician
Ari Gold, Musician
Michael Musto, Writer
Doug Burkman, Designer
Scott Sternberg, Designer
Edward Lorenz, Designer
Alexis Bittar, Designer

If you’re the kind of person who would actually buy Out to begin with (or any fashion/lifestyle magazine), you’re also probably the kind of person who would believe whatever you’re told. Fine. Here’s how the list is being presented:

No day strikes terror in the hearts of single gay men quite like Valentine’s Day.

Way to start out! You’ve just sissified an entire population. My pearls are clutched, so please, go on…

But fear not — those of you in the market for a relationship are in luck. We’ve rounded up 100 of the most eligible gay bachelors (at least they were eligible the last time we checked). Vote for your favorite as many times as you like (we’ll compile and display a list of the top 10 vote getters each day). Then, on February 14 we’ll reveal your picks for the top 10 most dateable guys.

The idea that casting a vote for Clay Aiken will result in good luck if you’re “in the market for a relationship” is exactly the kind of non sequitor I’d expect from Out (the more you love celebrities, the better your life will be), but the term “eligible bachelor,” when applied to the people on this list, is simply not true! Eligible? Eligible to whom? Other actors? Publicists? Other designers? The editorial staff of Out?

[Out: The 100 Most Eligible Gay Bachelors]

 

0 thoughts on “Out’s “100 Eligible Bachelors” You Will Never, Ever Date”

  1. Okay, so I’ll take the hit, that I probably won’t get a date with any of these guys.

    Yea, Zach, Clay Aiken; but why scrutinize just that selection?!

    No offense–since when is a porn star deemed the most eligible, or good ‘date’ material? Yea. Some people on the list you wouldn’t take home to mom.

  2. I hope some of the “Celebs” on that list are insulted enough to call them on their labeling. Are they really “eligible bachelors” just because they aren’t married? I don’t think so…since most of them can’t legally get married where they live. Are you still a “eligible” when you are in a relationship? I don’t even think straight men are called “eligible bachelors” if they are excIusively dating. From the ones I recognize on the list, I know that at least Yigit, Jesse, Clay, Lance, and Louis are all in relationships and probally some of the others have long term partners. This seems live very heterocentric thinking to name them “eligible bachelors”. Do they needed to be married to be ineligible? Maybe this is meant as light Valentine’s Day fun but this is exactly the kind of thinking the Christian Right uses to diminish gay relationships.

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