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Has the vivisection that is holiday shopping robbed you of your holiday spirit? With less than a week until we all hunker down at Mom’s, rifle through the medicine cabinet, bogart a bottle of champagne and wake up dazed in a living nativity somewhere down the street, time is running out to get our loved ones what they really want from us. Of course, a porn site membership will successfully impress your gaggle of gay friends, but for your most special partner, nothing says “Season’s Greetings” like reaming him in the ass with a giant red and white candy-cane vibrator! Alright fruitcakes, we give you (after the jump): Our Holiday Wishlist!

Holiday YouTube videos have replaced Christmas
cookies as a seasonal MUST over these past couple of years.  For fags like us, YouTube isn’t just another
sensory replacement for food (just ask our dealers!), but also a chance to
catch some of the most bizarre and under-appreciated queer cinema ever made. We’ve
known that gays and yuletide cheer are an incompatible match ever since we came
out during Christmas of freshman year and our crazy Aunt Rachel threw her turkey leg at us, screaming “fuck” a lot-so you can imagine the tongue-in- cheekiness we have in store for you with our 12 Gays of Christmas Video Collection.

When RSVP Vacations, the other gay cruise company, got sold to Atlantis Events this past fall, fans of the gay cruise experience blogged and commented on the demise of RSVP and how this consolidation will affect their sarong party plans on next year’s Caribbean Fantasy. We didn’t have the stomach to go on one ourselves, but we did spend a good chunk of one afternoon poking fun at nauseating YouTube photo montages and gouge-your-eyes-out horrific and suicide-grade-boring photo sets of both. While we’ve been told repeatedly that Atlantis was the floating
bathhouse and RSVP was the queeny piano-bar-on-the-sea, we didn’t see
much difference in the people we talked to.

Aunt Charlie’s Lounge

Tenderloin

133 Turk Street

The carpet probably hasn’t been replaced since the mid-70s, there’s one of those flammable-stuffed-animal crane games up front, and Anthony the toothless bartender is the sweetest thing to happen to the Tenderloin since the advent of crack. Don’t miss the Hot Boxxx Girls, Fri-Sat 10 PM.

Ginger’s Trois

Downtown

246 Kearny Street

Though Damron Guides cite a “professional crowd” and a recent makeover and change of ownership has brightened up the inside a bit, our experience of Ginger’s leans more toward wheelchairs and Cutty Sark neat on a Tuesday afternoon. Not exactly a late-night destination, but a good bet for a gayische happy hour crowd replete with bobo financiers and retail queens.

Hole in the Wall Saloon

SOMA

1369 Folsom Street

Expect a selection of leather daddies and pool-hustling cubs at this Harley-friendly dive recently relocated to Folsom Street.  It opens at noon and it’s about bottled beer and hankies around here, so don’t even think about ordering a fucking Cosmo. Also, the occasional patron craps outside the door for our viewing pleasure.

Gangway

Polk Gulch

841 Larkin Street

The bandana’d and rolled-jeans bicycle crew takes the place over twice a month at Chrome and Manquake, but most nights the Gangway is the sort place where old guys have slurred shout-fights about the names of Elizabeth Taylor’s husbands and who got more tail during the war.

The Men’s Room
Castro
3988 18th Street

It’s a bit like a ski lodge in this tiny joint on 18th, complete with 60s canister fireplace in the back corner, and it’s perfect for a weeknight birthday because you and your friends can basically take over the place and own the jukebox, which isn’t half bad.  Also, a nice escape from the usual shitshow up the street on a Saturday night–the kind of place you can watch a closed-captioned PBS on Broadway special while sipping some Scotch and working through a breakup.

>SEE MORE BARS ON DAMRON.COM

Easternbloc
505 E. 6th Street

The music’s good, the boys are hip, the bartenders are cute and it’s the kind of non-BnT, come-as-you-are booze fest Manhattan needs more of.  But we admit we also love it partly because of fond memories the old, seedy Wonder Bar at the same address, with the blackout back room and $2 beers and John Waters movies and projected on the back wall. Check out Bloc Party on Fridays.

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The Ritz

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HK Lounge
523 9th Avenue

HK Lounge just is still coming into its own, but Hell’s Kitchen is where it’s at and the space is airy and well designed. The boys tend to be cute, the music more hip than not, and the crowd a mix of professionals and performers from the neighborhood.  If you’re in the ‘hood on Thursdays and you’re not swilling late-night happy hour drinks at Barrage, check out Buzz.

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The Cock
29 2nd Avenue

The East Village was ahead of the curve in bringing sleaze back to gay life in the late 90s, and the Cock was at the forefront of that movement. Then the place got more popular and moved to the Hole, but it’s still a really easy answer to the question “where can I get drunk and laid with the most efficiency tonight in Manhattan?”  Check out Cock Fight on Saturdays.
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>SEE MORE BARS ON DAMRON.COM