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Leather-y Daddies to Feed on Tory Mason’s Supple Flesh at White Party

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Our favorite porn Gremlin may not have much longer to live. We got word today that his contract holder, Cockboys.com, will be feeding the twink to the GHB-crazy muscle queens at the White Party like so much chum to sharks. Cockyboys announced today that they’ll be bringing lithe Tory, along with Jesse Santana and five of their spring lambs to the event, ostensibly to promote a Cockboys model search. It sounds like the old virgin/volcano sacrifice narrative without, of course, the virgins.

10 Covers Later, Vanity Fair Finally Realizes Madonna Is a Desperate, Megalomaniacal Cult Leader


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We’ve always wondered if meeting Madonna would be as surreal as we think it would be (or if her eyes would turn us to stone). Rich Cohen seems to be still alive-but just barely-after profiling the pop icon/ singer/ actress/ mother/ African baby buyer/ children’s author/ clothing designer/ eagle-spreader/ movie producer/ writer/ director/ human rights leader/ social activist/ New Yorker/ Angeleno/ Brit/ Michiganite/ Kabbalist/ Catholic/ Brunette and Blonde/ STAR for Vanity Fair.

Busloads of Trannies and Gays to Descend on Atlantic City

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With the Black Party over (and no report of any of last year’s “dance-floor incidents“), the aging club kids, rag-tag homosexuals and assorted drunks can look forward to a new event this May: New York promoter and DList.com co-founder Daniel Nardicio has just announced his “Great Atlantic City Road Trip,” which will be on Sunday May 11th.  It may not be the White Party (thank god), but then again it doesn’t cost four hundred bucks.

Evangelical Group Trying to Shift Focus to Something More Important Than Keeping Gays from Marrying

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A Washington D.C.-based Christian group called Sojourners/Call to Renewal is reaching out to a younger and somewhat more liberal-minded generation of evangelical voters in Ohio by staging a 3-day “justice revival” that stresses the Christian Right’s roots in fighting for the abolition of slavery and women’s suffrage. The event, which is scheduled for April 16 to April 18, is intended to appeal to younger Christians who may not be indefinitely tied to the Republican party and to shift the dialogue of evangelicals away from their core target issues of the last decade: abortion and gay marriage. 

Avatars, Easter Bunnies, And Assholes: This Week In Gay Photos


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Our favorite gay, homophobic, synthetic and “not-gay” celebrities have made for quite a multicolored springtime week in gay photography. Much like Lil’ Kim and Robin Antin must weed through a gaggle of bellowing, horny teens in order to form the perfect “Girlicious” pop group on network television, so must we tastefully curate ten perfect images which synopsize a week in new boyfriends, blowjobs and blowhards. Ladies and queens, we give you this retarded Week In Gay Photos.

Mom Thought He Was Straight? Part 4: Truman Capote

GC-TrumanCapoteTH.jpg They called them “theatrical” or “perpetual bachelors,” but we call them GAY-and we’ve always been a little baffled looking back at the proto-homos of yore and wondered how their big secret got so well kept. We understand that before AIDS and parades we weren’t exactly on the suburban radar, but COME ON NOW. After the jump, we continue our series on pioneering gays who used to be called, simply, “a little funny.”

Ashton Kutcher Turns Fake For V MAN, So Does His Package


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Mario Testino photographed Ashton Kutcher for the Spring/Summer cover of V MAN Magazine as part of a spread curiously entitled “I’M NOT REAL.” Is it just us, or is that Ashton’s symmetrically optimized bulge talking? We know that Calvin Klein hasn’t started to make padded, shape-enhancing briefs for men, but since this sci-fi scene takes place in a fashion world overrun by Photoshop and special effects makeup, we’re wondering if the bulge that has blogs abuzz might be the result of a snugly-placed set prop. 

Big, Shirtless Clusterfuck of ‘Wolverine’ Stars Takes Sydney By Storm

CS-wolverinesTH.jpg Wait a minute! We thought “Beef Dip” already happened this year! It turns out that while Hugh “Jacked Up” Jackman and friends are in Sydney, Australia shooting the new film in the X-Men franchise, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, they’ve been hitting the beach (and the gym) in their downtime. First we noticed these head-turning photos of ripped hunk Hugh Jackman frolicking with his son on the beach, and now we see that co-stars Liev Schreiber and Simon Baker hit up Bondi Beach right after him like complete copycats, sporting less fur than the leading man but still looking like genuine bears for the role. Liev’s beard and love handles are especially Lazy Bear Weekend-ready.

Elton John, Joan Rivers and Cher Sing “The Bitch Is Back”

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It’s like some kind of gay summit: Joan Rivers, for the premiere of her short-lived Late Show on Fox in 1986, had as her guests Elton John, Cher and Pee-Wee Herman. They start by doing “The Bitch is Back” around the piano and the whole audience is wearing pink and turquoise. Oh, and did we mention that Pee-Wee Fucking Herman is sitting on the couch looking really shy while Elton and Cher compare notes on designer fashions? Mind-blowing.

RELATED:
Mom Thought He Was Straight? Part 3: Elton John

Funny Fetishes Flourish on Facebook Groups

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We are guilty of loving Facebook a little too much, and not just for the clean interface and the ability to constantly update our status while going through the depressingly repetitive motions of our sad gay lives. We think it’s just swell that Facebook Groups has become a new forum for the gays to meet up! and say, Hey guys I’m here and I’m queer! and let’s get together and share some pics of men piggyback riding each other!

(Ex-)Governor Eliot Spitzer (Most Likely) Into Bareback

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While some of our gay-web brethren concern themselves with the political implications of Eliot Spitzer’s resignation, we at The Sword are eager to get to the true heart of the matter: What kind of sex was the man paying five grand for? Near as we can tell at this stage in the investigation, the “basic” but “unsafe” services requested by Eliot Spitzer of his favorite hooker Kristen (and a number of others) was probably anal sex without a condom.  Though we guessed this at the outset of the scandal, speculating further that there might have been some kinky S&M play or something more taboo involved (flip-flop with a strap-on anyone?), our suspicions have been further validated by none other than high-priced former madam Heidi Fleiss and a few others across the blog firmament.

Public Butt Sex Soon to Be Legal In Amsterdam

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Picture it: You’re standing behind a thicket of boxwood in a public park, leathers around your ankles, your cock balls-deep in the arse of some cumdumpster with an impish smile and a yin-yang tramp stamp above his crack, and a cop walks by, shining his flashlight on you as you take another toke off that fat joint in your mouth.  You wave.  He smiles and walks on, looking for vagrants or folks with their dogs off-leash. This dream could soon be yours in jolly old Amsterdam, where liberal policy is the name of the game and the gays are much loved, vices and all.

Mom Thought He Was Straight?: The Scale of Homo-Obviousness

We respect all the old ‘perpetual bachelors’ and proto-homos of yore who chose to keep their proclivities private; they had their reasons and who are we to judge. But it’s the sheer amount of evidence that our mothers and grandmothers so willfully ignored that’s truly baffling.

Below, our incredibly scientific scoring system.

Under 30 points: Barely Any Smoke…
30-35: Low Burn (“That’s nonsense. He was in the army with your father.”)
35-40: Smoldering Fire (“He’s not that way … he’s too handsome.”)
40-44: Steady Blaze (“Don’t be mean. He’s just artistic.”)
45-49: High Flame (“I was too busy looking at the candelabra to notice, dear.”)
50: My Eyes! My Eyes!

Steve Cruz: Don’t Have Sex Without Me

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Steve Cruz may have been a pass-around party bottom in the past, but if you’re looking for someone to breed these days, head back to the Ramrod. The porn star-turned-directrix is taking the time saved by not shaving his balls to unveil the “How I Roll” safe sex campaign and to shoot “Steve Cruz’s Hotter Than Hell” all in the same week. The former features condoms adorned with the furry buggerer’s cartoonish visage, the latter with his punnish name. We’re not the first ones to say there’s no escaping the Steve Cruz juggernaut, but really-can’t we get a nut without him?

How to Look Good, Satisfactory or Offensively Bad Naked


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This week has been a remarkable one for gays to take their clothes off and strut around cyberspace like Marilyn Fucking Monroe. March is a notoriously unsettling part of the year, because it marks the peak of our frustration with the freezing-cold winter and the beginning of summer on the gay calendar. Whether you’re stripping in the streets for Mardi Gras in Sydney or taking some much-needed R&R time from your royal tour of duty overseas, it’s time for the shirt to come off, the sunglasses to take residence over your tan-streaked face, and

Baby Dee, Trans Harpist/Singer, Receives Bloggy Love

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We remember Baby Dee in New York, riding her tricycle-mounted-harp around the East Village, looking a bit like John Lithgow in The World According to Garp and hustling for a solo show anywhere she could get it. She’s come a long way, having taken some time running a tree-removal service in Cleveland, and returning to New York where she now had some indie music cred and connections enough to produce her latest album Safe Inside the Day (Drag City Records). Pitchfork reviewed it last week and the write-up is pretty glowing, with comparisons to Tom Waits and Antony Hegarty of Antony and the Johnsons, who Baby Dee also claims as a friend.

This Year’s Oscar Nominees: A Shirtless Gallery

CS-OscarNomsShirtlessTH.jpg For those of you who aren’t already making menus and sampling There Will Be Blood Orange Martini recipes for your uber-gay Oscar party, we bring you the following gratuitous shots mined from the nets. We’re sticking to the men, because that’s what we prefer around here.  Ladies, we love your work, but you’re going to have to do better than Cate Blanchett doing her drag king Bob Dylan in Todd Haynes’ I’m Not There to get us feature you naked anytime soon.  After the jump, our favorite half-naked photos of this year’s male acting nominees.

Sad Valentimes: Craigslist Edition

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We’ve gone full circle on the Valentine’s blues, going from sadness to fuck-it-all contentment back to sadness again, and that’s basically because we started scanning Craigslist to find evidence of some sadder sacks than us cruising the interwebs for love.  After the jump, a treasure trove of wonder that is sure to make you feel less pathetic in comparison.

The Sword GayVN Weekend Guide

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We’ll be posting an entry as soon as the show is over. In the meantime, check out our liveblogging at Fleshbot all through tonight’s awards ceremony.

The circus is in town! The circus is in town! We’re battening down the hatches for this week’s GayVN Awards (which we’ll be liveblogging in association with FelchbotFleshbot and Gay Porn Blog (blow-by-blow action on the former site, followed by blow and more action on the latter following the awards, including a red carpet round-up). You’re welcome: We’re rubbing ourselves raw so you don’t have to. In addition to our regular weekend roundups for New York and San Francisco, we offer you this guide to the weekend debauchery:

Ben Andrews to Playgirl: I Love Perky Tits!

IN-BenAndrewsPlaygirlTH.jpg According to the April 2008 issue of Playgirl, butt-humping porn star Ben Andrews loves perky tits, picnics in Central Park and the feel of a woman’s body. In true Playgirl tradition, the well-hung star of Gigolo, The Intern and Cruising Budapest doesn’t mention that he’s gay, although the breathless text (“Yes, that Ben Andrews!” they squeal) does note his appearances in Inches and Freshmen. This falls somewhere on the believability scale between a steam-room cruiser’s wedding ring and Tom Cruise marrying that Dawson’s Creek girl.

Bruce LaBruce’s ‘Otto; or, Up With Dead People’ Debuts, Horrifies Straight People

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The Sundance Film Festival is a notoriously surreal cinema outpost. Somehow playing host to quaint snow lodges filled with young and unfinanced film talent, reporters, starlets and a veritable blizzard of Hollywood vultures all in one Park City stretch, the fest has become notorious for being more Hollywood than Un-Hollywood as years pass. And when you’re a gay underground artist like writer/director Bruce LaBruce, all bets are certainly off. “It’s another world premiere, but this time we haven’t pre-sold the U.S. territory,” LaBruce blogged on his MySpace profile, of his new zombie flick, Otto; or, Up With Dead People. Attending the festivities with his co-producers and sales agent, LaBruce and friends “[had] the pleasure of trying to sell a melancholy gay zombie movie with political overtones to a mob of distributors looking for the next Juno,” an uphill feat for a genre-bending auteur who brought us such transgressive and semi-pornographic classics as Super 8 1/2 and The Raspberry Reich.

Lady Bunny, Houseplants To Host 2008 GayVNs

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Faces-for-radio Derek Hartley and Romaine Patterson will host the newly revamped GayVN Awards in mid-February, GayPornTimes reported today. Drag legend and Lucas Entertainment star Lady Bunny will also be on hand to fight for the microphone. Derek and Romaine will bring their celebrated sixth-grade- late-night-phone-chat brand of entertainment to help enliven our industry’s annual rite of auto-fellatio, but honestly we’re more looking forward to the following inevitabilities:

1. Jason Sechrest Storms the Stage, Performs “The Trolley Song”
The director-cum-blogger-cum-publicity agent has already expressed his dissatisfaction with Derek and Romaine being chosen over him and Angel Benton, but we’re aching to see him make those threats a reality and do his patented porn-title-song-medley- in-the-style-of-Tori-Amos. Controversial!

I Can Haz Ball N Chain?

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The first in a two-part series looking at new online personals/matchmaking options for gays in the market for a relationship. This part: the advertising push.

If being single on a frigid, rainy night isn’t bad enough, the non-monogamously inclined in San Francisco now have to deal with insecurity times a thousand at the Castro underground MUNI station:

The Sword Guide to Fucking Like A Pornstar

OP-SwordGuideFuckingPornStarPBhp.jpg If conventional wisdom were true, and porn stars were all unrestrained, sex-addicted animals, they’d have fucked you already. Not so fast, whore-monger. We sat down with five stars to talk about what gets them hard, who wins their heart and what the challenges of finding romance as a public sex figure.

“I look at your face. I look at your ass. If those two things look good, I’m on you,” says Raging Stallion’s Jake Deckard.  Is this news to his boyfriend of ten years? Hardly. The detailed rules and regulations the two have established have keeps Jake sated and his boyfriend unwavering in his devotion. In the Lazy Susan-esque sexcapades of polyamory, everybody wins.

Not everyone is so traditional.

SF Gays Add Staph to Fats and Femmes

While other staph-afflicted urban centers like Boston and New York are frantically posting public service announcements about the disease on Craigslist, men in San Francisco have a different agenda, using “staph-free” and “No staph” as a way to get laid. A quick search of Craigslist M4M in Boston, New York and Los Angeles turns up nothing but well-meaning alerts about the new MRSA strain that’s been spreading among gay men. Even seemingly sexy enticements (“Hot Sex in Chelsea — 25”) turn out to be warnings in disguise.

The 5 Low-Lights of Heath Ledger’s Mourning Glory

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We, and just about every other news outlet on the planet, reported yesterday on the “tragic,” “shocking” and “devastating” death of Heath Ledger.  But, frankly, we’ve become as fascinated by the proliferation of the media’s over-wrought and bad-tasting mourning as we are the one-time gay cowboy’s convoluted demise.  Twenty-nine hours after the announcement, we present these five newsy low-lights of post-Ledger crepe-hanging.

The Sword Presents: The Week in Gay Photos

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We know: gay visibility is still tragically lacking in mainstream media. Queen Latifah and Gayken remain total liars, the only presidential candidate that openly supports gay marriage claims to have seen a U.F.O., and despite the fact that the characters in blockbuster-du-jour, Cloverfield, are caterwauling around Soho and midtown for the majority of the movie, there are no homos in sight! But thanks to the trusty internet and the technology that has citizen journalism on a one-way track to total media domination, visibility online is not only present and accounted for, it’s blinding. We actually feel sort of violated. After the jump, check out the Top 10 gay photos of the past week.

New Cream to Kill Bear Community’s Long Love Affair With Crotch Stink

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The misguided shyster who purchased the domain ismellperfect.com is currently marketing a product called NodorOâ„¢, a cream intended to combat male crotch odor and thereby threatening to destroy one of the basic tenets of gay bear culture. With the tagline, “Lose the odor, not your lover,” the ad campaign is clearly targeted at the more hygienically inclined amongst the gays (and, also clearly, at straight men, and the uncut).

Repugnant Republicans and a Grunt Heard Round the World

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Gossip Girl
here, bringing you all the latest from the trenches! Thanksgiving in the flesh mines
is a little different than elsewhere: as porn maven mr. Pam reminds us, it
means penis-stuffed turkeys, undressed men rather than well-dressed birds, and thanking
God for anal-ese
during Grace. You know you love us, XOXO, and here’s this week’s Gossip Gangbang:


Judge a Porn By Its Cover!

They say that you should never judge a book by its cover. They’re totally wrong. Bad marketing is always something that should be judged, harshly in our opinion, while awesome covers deserve unmitigated praise, attention, and preference. “Why buy something that will look ugly on your bookshelf?”  The same is true in gay porn packaging. With the wealth of outstanding imagery that pornographers have to design graphics around, it’s a marvel that some studios pump out nothing but ugly video boxes. Sifting through the newest additions to NakedSword 4.0, we couldn’t help but be amused by some of the porn boxcovers that we came across and impressed by their sheer artistic value. After the jump, check out some of the prettiest pornos that NS has to offer, and also feel free to check out our follow-up: The Don’ts.

The Sword Guide to Becoming a Porn Star


In case you’ve been thinking about quitting your job at the office and getting a position in another field (particularly one that involves getting on all fours), the cast of Raging Stallion’s GRUNTS will tell you how to get into the business of sex on camera and share stories about how they were able to penetrate the industry from the outside-in!

Getting Dirty? Join Our Porn Star Panel

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As much as we love the porn industry, it’s not always the most reliable source of accurate information. Facts are notoriously hard to come by, and anecdotes quickly get cemented as truth.  While The Sword loves rumors as much as the next homosexual, we thought we’d go straight to the source and ask a few dozen of our favorite porn stars to take a quick survey on life, libido and the pursuit of good hair.  We’ll start publishing results early in November – in the meantime, we’re looking for a few more good men to give us their best. If you’ve been in more than one adult movie in the past two years, give us a holler and join our porn panel!

Equality California Tries to Shotgun Wedding Rights

GayMarriageAdlaunch.jpg An organization called the Equality California Institute is spending untold millions to “spark a million conversations” with a television spot supporting rights for same-sex marriage.  According to polls (which we rarely trust, unless we do them), the gay mafia is not far from achieving its goal of getting its own bridal registries and licenses to perpetual mediocrity; it will only take convincing between five and nine percent of the voting population of the state, or somewhere in the neighborhood of 600,000 to 1.2 million people, which isn’t much considering the viewer base of Bravo.

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