We have a deep appreciation for Rock Hudson and all the other “perpetual bachelors” of mid-century America, and feel a certain kinship with the proto-homos of yore. We understand that prior to AIDS and parades, we weren’t exactly on the suburban radar, but, uh, COME ON NOW! Today, our first look at the pioneering homos that our parents figured were just, you know, a little funny.
Upon posting our roundup of porn star baby photos, we couldn’t help but wonder what type of early-life signs were present that might have indicated each child’s future gayness. Noting the precocious style of Michael Lucas and the sass of Roman Heart, for starters, we now turn our eagle-eyes to the most overexposed toddler set of them all: Hollywood Celebabies.
Who’s that lurking in the background of Titan Media’s new title, Telescope? Hint: He’s 6’6, 240lbs, black, and mad as hell! Why yes, it’s Sword crush object Diesel Washington, who came out swinging on his blog today about being relegated to a second-tier cover spot for what is supposed to be his first headlining feature for the contracted studio. In Telescope, Diesel plays a “wealthy, well-dressed urbanite” through whose point-of-view the scintillating actions of the film unfold.
We admit we were a little crabby when we landed, but after three days of
barramundi, wine and cruising, on the harbor and otherwise, we’re feeling a
little bit better about San Francisco’s sister city down under. In fact, we like it so much upside-down here, we think we might
bring something of their gay culture back to the states, and we’re not talking
about the ecstasy hidden in our wig.
Homosexuals are a hearty, tote-friendly breed and generally eager to escape
Columbus, or Palm Springs or wherever, in search of penis-friendly anuses
in tropical climes. As part of San Francisco’s first “official” delegation to the continent
of Australia, The Sword understands the need to find unexplored cultural
crevasses, and shall give you regular updates on the pre-Mardi Gras
festivities in our Sister City down under.
Greater Philadelphia’s NBC10 reported last week that Philadelphia twins Keyontyli and Teleon Goffney were caught breaking into a beauty supply store through a hole in the ceiling and trying to make off with all the cash in the business’s ATM-machine. Their methods have them possibly connected with a string of New Jersey burglaries as well, and police officials suspect that the Goffney twins may have been responsible for “at least” 35 similar robberies.
It has recently been brought to our attention that there is a really hot daytime television gay couple on As The World Turns! Alas, their increasingly sporadic appearances on the broadcast have some fans getting their gay panties in a twist. The first gay-male couple on a soap opera to be given their own substantial romantic narrative, Luke Snyder (played by Van Hansis) and Noah Mayer (Jake Silbermann)-commonly referred to as “Nuke” in portmanteau-have a dedicated fanbase of gays and straights alike who look forward to seeing the stages of their innocent romance unfold in a format usually reserved for more traditional and Christian-friendly plot lines like serial killers, evil husband-snatching twins, the living dead, witches, exorcisms, child rape, and its flagship lurid heterosexual affairs with gratuitous lingerie and softcore makeout scenes.
The New York Times is always particularly good at these sort of newsflashes, but for any gays out there who didn’t already know, Jamaica is not exactly a fun and friendly gay tourist destination. In fact, if you’re gay and you happen to live in this tropical island paradise and decide to throw a dinner party for a couple of your gay friends, you may find an angry mob outside your house wielding machetes! Not cool guys, so not cool.
Big Brother 9 is built on secrets and lies, but contestant Crazy James has one they didn’t count on-not only is the supposedly straight guy gay, he’s also a gay porn star. The wild boy was discovered in a solo scene this weekend, but makes his small screen hardcore debut in a scene with Hunter James in the upcoming Dirty Boy Video – NakedSword co-production, Dirty Tricks.
Not that they don’t have better things to be doing, but the Senate Ethics Committee yesterday officially declared that Idaho Senator Larry Craig brought discredit on the Senate when he trolled for sex in a Minneapolis airport mens room. No shit, huh? In a letter to the Senator-who has remained stubborn and married to that poor woman throughout this whole ordeal-the Ethics panel said actually that it was Craig’s actions after being apprehended that brought the most shame to his office. Namely, they objected to his attempting to withdraw the guilty plea he entered after his arrest last summer.
Conventional wisdom says that porn stars are a dime a dozen. We wish! With a falling dollar, just about the only people who can afford a porn star’s companionship these days are in Dubai… and G-d knows they don’t have gay sex there. Of course, we’re in San Francisco and with the GayVNs falling on Valentine’s Day weekend this year-and with your tireless Sword editors pressed for time and romance, we thought we’d stop staring at the menu and, uh, order in. Why should straight guys have all the fun? The Sword takes a look at who’s in town
Paris Hilton’s hard-partying younger brother was released from jail today after landing in the drunk tank on charges of suspicion of driving while intoxicated. His parents refused to post bail in favor of “tough love” despite the fact that they have, in the past, publicly held their daughter Paris’ skeletal, bronze-streaked hand through her own more publicized stints behind bars. Could it be that the Hilton family is turning the cold shoulder to their son because he’s gay? Author and former club kid James St. James posted the following allegation on The WOW Report yesterday, raising our eyebrows and our hopes (’cause if Barron is following in his sister’s drunk footsteps, might we have a gay sex tape in our future?):
“When I was in Vegas over New Year’s I met a guy who SWORE to me that he had just been partying with Paris Hilton and her little brother Barron, and that Barron was a BIG LADY! YES! In fact, the two of them had “fooled around,” and the next morning, my friend woke up wearing Barron’s clothes, whatever that implies. I just thought I would throw that little story out there in light of today’s news of his arrest. Plus, he’s awfully cute, so I HOPE it’s true.”
That makes all of us. After the jump, check out some other recent “are they or aren’t they” headlines that have had us guessing and instant-messaging.
When GayVN-winning director Jett Blakk sent us the porno How To Seduce A Straight Man, we were curious if we could use it to replicate his success. Three black eyes later, we filed suit against the director. Turns out, we were doing it all wrong. As part of his settlement, Jett Blakk agreed to give us actual tips for seducing straight men. While courage, both liquid and otherwise, is in involved in these recipes, we have to say they work better than the penis in the popcorn trick that nearly resulted in a situation that would have required Romaine Patterson to save us.
Oh, what a gay week it was! In between fashion week parties, Marc Jacobs’ assorted scandals, and Cher‘s diva meltdowns during Grammy practice, there were actually some photos taken that we feel emerged at the top of the big, flaming, online-media heap. From mesh-covered Manson fans to John Mayer in a major one-sy, we chose ten faggy photos that will be burned into our retinas for longer than we care to think about. After the jump, see who made the top ten on our gaydar for the unbearable workweek of February 4th through 8th!
Care of The Sword’s tireless editors, we bring you this roundup (by
no means complete, or even-handed) of stuff going on for those of the
homo persuasion this weekend in the two meccas we currently have
bandwidth to cover, San Francisco and New York. Check back soon to see
us cover more gay urban centers near you (sorry, Cheyenne, we may never
get to you).
Our heavily editorialized listings after the jump…
In the latest movie from underground gay cinema auteur Bruce LaBruce, we meet Otto, an un-dead boy with a taste for roadkill, gay sex, violence, and nu-goth Rick Owens outfits. Panned by Sundance audiences and exalted by LaBruce’s radical homo film following, Otto; or, Up With Dead People should be the perfect mix of moodiness and male flesh to get us through the winter. This new extended trailer has us bloodthirsty for more.
London, UK
February 10, 11, 17, and 18
The playwright who satirized straight relationships in the wildly successful and award-winning musical “I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change” is setting his sights on the homos for round two. A fresh and contemporary take on Schnitzler’s La Ronde, the play is set in modern-day America and uses both drama and comedy to paint a complex portrait of the pursuit of gay sex. “Some stories are poignant, some hilarious, but collectively they provide a fascinating snap shot of the American male in pursuit of man-on-man action. A fearless dissection and shameless celebration of homosexuality that will fascinate male and female audiences of every persuasion.” With the subject being gay sex and a title like that, this ought to be the show of the season! Catch the world premiere in London before it embarks on several engagements across the globe. www.finboroughtheatre.co.uk
Nick Denton, Gawker Media founder and current Managing Editor of Gawker.com, yesterday dissed friend Aaron Hicklin’s decision to leave his job at the arguably more relevant Out in order to become Editorial Director for Planet Out Magazines–a job which Denton assumes will include the shutting down of The Advocate. The nation’s first ever magazine for homophiles saw us through Stonewall and disco and AIDS and Will & Grace–maybe it’s outlived its relevance?
OK. We admit: That headline is a bit sensational.
Researchers in Switzerland have reached the first ever medical consensus that HIV+ patients on an effective anti-retroviral regimen for six months or more, who have undetectable viral loads and no other STDs, show no risk of transmitting the disease to sexual partners. There are, of course, as with all statements given by the medical community, many caveats.
The Sundance Film Festival is a notoriously surreal cinema outpost. Somehow playing host to quaint snow lodges filled with young and unfinanced film talent, reporters, starlets and a veritable blizzard of Hollywood vultures all in one Park City stretch, the fest has become notorious for being more Hollywood than Un-Hollywood as years pass. And when you’re a gay underground artist like writer/director Bruce LaBruce, all bets are certainly off. “It’s another world premiere, but this time we haven’t pre-sold the U.S. territory,” LaBruce blogged on his MySpace profile, of his new zombie flick, Otto; or, Up With Dead People. Attending the festivities with his co-producers and sales agent, LaBruce and friends “[had] the pleasure of trying to sell a melancholy gay zombie movie with political overtones to a mob of distributors looking for the next Juno,” an uphill feat for a genre-bending auteur who brought us such transgressive and semi-pornographic classics as Super 8 1/2 and The Raspberry Reich.
The first sexual harassment allegation has popped up in regard to one of the 2008 Presidential candidates this year, and we’re not even all the way through January! With all of the drag queens itching to go down on Barack in the backseat of a limo (or behind the stage of Trannyshack), it comes as something of a shock that this homely son of a bitch somehow slipped above Obama’s standards. Just think of what Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers could have accomplished if only they were afforded the futuristic voodoo of webcams and uploaded media-sharing mega-sites. Maybe with hordes of commenting viewers on their sides (or not) they could have reached the level of infamy that LarrySinclair0926 is achieving. Despite the fact that what he’s saying is suspect (come on, who would spring for crack over powder?), he’s reading from cue-cards, and the fact that his voice sounds suspiciously like Bobby Trendy’s, we at least know we have a potential star on our hands. Scandal-shmandal! No one’s paying attention to the election when there are new internet celebrities to clock in on! After the jump, watch LarrySinclair0926’s allegations in all of their badly-lit, uncertain, streaming glory.
This may be the first year that the GayVNs best the Golden Globes in viewership, and we couldn’t be more pleased: not only has our industry’s little fete grown in recent years, the clothes are more exciting. No offense to Valentino Garavani or Domenico Dolce, but porn star fashion — with it’s reliance on mesh, mess and meth — is infinitely more exciting. We’ve got 35 days until we can bring you the new Spring Collection, so until then, here are the nominations …
We’ll be in Vegas this weekend, hooting it up with the porn cognoscienti… but care of The Sword’s tireless editors, we bring you this roundup (by
no means complete, or even-handed) of stuff going on for those of the
homo persuasion this weekend in the two meccas we currently have
bandwidth to cover, San Francisco and New York. Check back soon to see
us cover more gay urban centers near you (sorry, Cheyenne, we may never
get to you).
Our heavily editorialized listings after the jump…
Has Britney Spears’ new album, Blackout, triggered something darker in Francois Sagat? In a twist reminiscent of The Manchurian Candidate, the album’s debut has caused Sagat to debut an increasingly esoteric and oft-terrifying cycle of videos whose explorations of identity borrow as much from Matthew Barney and Ryan Trecartin as they do, um, Titan Media or TRL. With his masks, his ass-less tights and his weird barking dog, it’s like he’s trying to tell us something; but what? In today’s lecture, we posit some answers.
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Gangbang! From mild to wild,
we’re not into bullshit. We’re versatile, we’ve got major loads to spill down
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On the latest Tim and
Roma Show, the two “Best Personality” nominees (thanks for giving them big heads, Cybersocket!) wax political over how barebacking
titles seem to be gaining popularity and how the trend parallels increased HIV
rates among gay men. Too bad the episode didn’t air before the filming of British Bareback Vacation, because one
of the co-stars contracted HIV on the set and is now thinking of suing the
film’s producers in
order to prevent other young men from suffering the same fate.. Hasn’t anyone told him that being popular is
the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS? (via GayVN
News)
Rome
December 7-14, 2007
For five years and counting, the Leather Club Roma hosts the hottest leather-fetish event in Italy, grimly titled Catacombs. What happens when you take Folsom Street Fair and relocate it to one of Europe’s most beautiful cities (filled with some of the world’s most beautiful men)? Apparently you get seven days of bull whips, ball gags, and nonstop sex. “Perhaps the crown jewel of the theme parties, spread throughout the long weekend, is the Black Leather Uniform Fans party. Strict dress codes apply: black leather only.” Wearing a uniform never felt so freeing. http://www.lcroma.com/catacombs.htm
Rome
December 7-14, 2007
For five years and counting, the Leather Club Roma hosts the hottest leather-fetish event in Italy, grimly titled Catacombs. What happens when you take Folsom Street Fair and relocate it to one of Europe’s most beautiful cities (filled with some of the world’s most beautiful men)? Apparently you get seven days of bull whips, ball gags, and nonstop sex. “Perhaps the crown jewel of the theme parties, spread throughout the long weekend, is the Black Leather Uniform Fans party. Strict dress codes apply: black leather only.” Wearing a uniform never felt so freeing. http://www.lcroma.com/catacombs.htm
Rome
December 7-14, 2007
For five years and counting, the Leather Club Roma hosts the hottest leather-fetish event in Italy, grimly titled Catacombs. What happens when you take Folsom Street Fair and relocate it to one of Europe’s most beautiful cities (filled with some of the world’s most beautiful men)? Apparently you get seven days of bull whips, ball gags, and nonstop sex. “Perhaps the crown jewel of the theme parties, spread throughout the long weekend, is the Black Leather Uniform Fans party. Strict dress codes apply: black leather only.” Wearing a uniform never felt so freeing. http://www.lcroma.com/catacombs.htm
Porn director-turned- private investigator Paul Barresi
claims that he’s found no evidence of Tom Cruise’s rumored homosexuality, despite
the connection to Scientology, a gay vague haircut and a seemingly endless
stream of court-challenged claims by former lovers, according to In Touch Weekly. “Everything I’ve
found and everything I know points to Tom being heterosexual,” Paul told
the magazine. Oddly, it was only a year ago that Barresi was in the
opposite situation – facing legal threats from Cruise’s celebrity legal
eagle, Bert Fields, to remove a claim by Barresi that he had found evidence of the star’s sexcapades with a
Remember when I sifted through the pornos on NakedSword and pulled out the covers that I thought were the best? Well, I had to overlook a lot of hideous, disturbing, FUCKED UP covers then, and going back to find some to showcase together for the DONT’s now proved to be one of the most excruciating experiences I’ve had since I’ve worked here. It made for a great appetite suppressant though: OMG NEW DIET CRAZE?????????
After the jump, take a look at some box covers that make me wanna die.
They say that you should never judge a book by its cover. They’re totally wrong. Bad marketing is always something that should be judged, harshly in our opinion, while awesome covers deserve unmitigated praise, attention, and preference. “Why buy something that will look ugly on your bookshelf?” The same is true in gay porn packaging. With the wealth of outstanding imagery that pornographers have to design graphics around, it’s a marvel that some studios pump out nothing but ugly video boxes. Sifting through the newest additions to NakedSword 4.0, we couldn’t help but be amused by some of the porn boxcovers that we came across and impressed by their sheer artistic value. After the jump, check out some of the prettiest pornos that NS has to offer, and also feel free to check out our follow-up: The Don’ts.
Their shirts are unbuttoned, their hair is moussed, and their default expression is “Fierce!” They may not tap dance, but the post-Will-and-Grace era has our reality TV schedules filled with stereotypical re-imaginings of actual homosexuals so predictable in their gayface that even Charles Nelson Reilly would have winced. They’re waxed and tweezed and teased and highlighted.
Why do closeted homo Republicans always look like unhappy rabbits? Probably because they are closeted and Republican.
Homosexual blogger Andy Towle has revealed that the Cody Castagna, the 26-year-old hustler that Spokane-based Congressman Rep. Richard Curtis may or may not have slept with, starred in at least one bareback porno for Treasure Island, and can also be found on a certain members-only gay pic-post site.
News that Cal/OSHA, the government agency which monitors and enforces workplace safety and health, had been snooping around a Naughty America shoot sent ripples through the porn industry this week, sending gay porn producers in particular into a frenzy.
More after the jump…