Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn is flaming mad, and not because we keep confusing him with Brody Jenner. Not only is his booming body being used to promote a gay dating website, they didn’t even have the courtesy to pay him for the endorsement.
Twink-a-saurus rex, Brent Corrigan, indulged us in some of his favorite photos from his weekend of faggotry at Los Angeles Pride, which included posing for photos with the cast of Dante’s Cove, rubbing elbows with Bryan Singer and Lance Bass, and trailing a crew of trannies-all while hiding from a sunburn in the shadier regions of the event. The most hilarious anecdote, however, came in the form of Brent’s run-in with Channel 1 directrix Chi Chi LaRue. “There was this drag queen spinning records on the first stage,” Brent wrote on his blog, as if he didn’t recognize her.
If you’re a die-hard leather queen, porn star or circuit bear, you’re probably in Chicago this weekend for the cataclysmic concurrence of IML, the Grabby Awards and Bear Pride. But if you’re not, and you’re stuck in the homo meccas of New York or San Francisco this Memorial Day, we’ve picked out a few options for you… after the jump
SPOILER ALERT! Guest Editor Flynn DeMarco (a.k.a. Fruit Brute), who spends his days as Editor-in-Chief of gaygamer.net, did a little moonlighting for us touring around Liberty City (the fictional New York equivalent of Grand Theft Auto IV) to see what there is around town for the fags-besides getting called faggot by the other characters. You may be surprised! See his quick and dirty work after the jump.
Last night’s episode of Gossip Girl not only had two major outings-the predictably fey younger brother to Serena, Eric van der Woodsen (pictured) and his rehab boyfriend, Asher Hornsby, from a rival prep school-but it also had so much high-octane bitchiness, queen bee drama, hilarious beard references to Vanessa Hudgens and Katie Holmes, and sheer camp that the outings and gay slurs were actually out-gayed by all the straight content on the show. When young Jenny Humphrey’s house of cards came crashing down as soon as Gossip Girl blogged that her boyfriend’s a ‘mo, the only condolence she got from her besties was “Now you know how Vanessa Hudgens feels.” SNAP!
Scott Thompson’s way gay character from Kids in the Hall was one of the first darkly ironic and hilarious portrayals of faggotry we can remember seeing on TV. In this monologue, Buddy puffs on a menthol while expounding on the differences between the races.
Look for KITH on tour this spring–they’re in DC this weekend, hitting LA and San Francisco next week. See the full schedule here.
In the South African city of Knysna, the annual Pink Loerie Mardi Gras parade is a pride parade of sorts which, like many other pride festivals the world over, features a lot of scantily clad faggots and maybe even a few dykes on bikes. Pastor Jerome Nel of God’s Ministries has been battling parade organizers over the past few years, and along with 400 other city residents he issued a memorandum to the mayor regarding the prevention of “improper and indecent conduct” at the parade, which is scheduled to occur on Saturday. One of the incidents cited from last year’s parade as indecent was an 80-year-old man who went around exposing his ass in his portrayal of “archbishop of the moon.”
Care of The Sword’s tireless editors, we bring you this roundup (by
no means complete, or even-handed) of stuff going on for those of the
homo persuasion this weekend in the two meccas we currently have
bandwidth to cover, San Francisco and New York. Check back soon to see
us cover more gay urban centers near you (sorry, Cheyenne, we may never
get to you).
Our heavily editorialized listings after the jump…
We’re all about critiquing the dollar diplomacy at The Sword, and in particular we enjoy dissecting the print ad campaigns by mainstream advertisers (up until recently, it was usually just beer companies) made to run in places like Out, Details and HX (we think at this point no one’s even bothering with The Advocate, which now regularly weighs in around 50 pages). Today, we look at a couple recent examples which, for better or worse, seem to indicate that we’re going to be pandered to by a lot more than beer companies in the future.
Television actor Luke MacFarlane (Brothers & Sisters) made headlines this week when he emerged from his four-door glass closet, leaving Prison Break‘s Wentworth Miller safely inside, with the child locks on, in a bucket hat.
“‘I don’t know what will happen professionally,” he told Canada’s Globe & Mail, speaking openly about his faggotry for the first time ever. “That is the fear, but I guess I can’t really be concerned about what will happen, because it’s my truth.”
Let us break it down for you as simply as we can: MacFarlane was photographed with Grey’s Anatomy’s T.R. Knight. Shortly thereafter, Knight was outed by a gay slur and came out to the public. Next, still-closeted MacFarlane was photographed with Prison Break‘s Wentworth Miller driving, and again the next morning (in the previous night’s outfits) during the summer of 2007, before coming out of the closet just recently. On next week’s episode of this homosexual TV clusterfuck, Wentworth Miller has a secret he’d like to share, and we’re all ears, and eyes, and lips-and okay-we’re on all fours. A photo history of Luke’s bromances (minus the ‘b’) after the jump.
The gay media is a polarizing place to be these days. Juggling the politically correct crusaders with the hilariously amoral heathens can be a vexing task, and often leaves us with images of porn stars and Rosie O’Donnell dancing in our heads. Before we allow the madness to take over and call our parents to wheel us into a psych ward ala Britney, it’s good to take stock of what exactly it is that we’re dealing with. Just as Tyra and Miss Jay must shatter the dreams of a dozen desperate dairy queens in search of America’s Next Top
While we do not argue with the idea that there is such a thing as “gay news” or at least “news items of gay interest” (especially when they involve drag queens or hookers), we do take issue with the boring-ass shit that 365gay.com throws up on their homepage every day. Maybe gays have more slow news days than straights. Maybe we’re just easily bored. In any case, after the jump, here are a few of today’s blow-me-down snooze-flashes.
Sure, we’re as smitten with CNN‘s Anderson Cooper as the next faggot-okay, maybe not totally as smitten-but we’ve never understood what the big deal is about celebrities coming out of the closet, especially if they don’t pretend to be straight in the first place like certain Will Smiths we know. Sites like Gawker and Queerty, however, have become so rabid in their anticipation of a grand gesture from Anderson that they’ve taken to reporting every detail they can find about him, however insignificant, and painstakingly analyzing how it relates to his sex life. Sometimes puzzling and often hilarious, we’ve sifted through the heap of Anderson- Cooper-isms that point to his gayness and present our favorites now.
Twelve hours, twenty-thousand homosexuals, a hundred pounds of feathers, four miles of drunk tourists, three hits of E, two liver transplants and one breast of Olivia Newton John later, we’re finally done with Sydney Gay Mardi Gras, even if we’re not exactly sure what happened. As part of a SF2Oz goodwill delegation to San Francisco’s Australian sister city, we did our fair share of mingling with Sydney’s Lord Mayor Clover Moore, riling bitter wrinkle queen Kathy Griffin and assessing
Cho My God. In a swirling vortex of faggotry, the notorious Margaret has
announced that as Chief of the Parade, she’ll be sharing the
Sydney Mardi Gras spotlight with Cindy Lauper, Kathy Griffin and Olivia Newton
John. We always suspect that, like our actual fag hag friends, they loved us but
despised each other. And it’s possible that the Bush-bashing-bush-licking
comedienne was merely setting the stage for a colossal coup in which she lures
her competition onto the stage, only to flip a switch and drop them into
shark-filled harbor below, thus securing fag hag dominance. Or perhaps Kylie is
the culprit (there ain’t a gay party where she’s not, mate) and is preparing to
disappear them, Picnic at Hanging Rock-style.
Ever since Bryan Boy — ”the most glamorous faggot in the Third World” — posted a side-by-side of Brent Corrigan and Zac Efron, our porn-drenched brains have been trying to take thing a step further by wondering who else we’d cast in the Hollywood version of the Bryan Kocis murder trial. For those not familiar with the case, here’s the Cliff’s Notes Version.
After the jump, our casting choices.
Homosexuals are a hearty, tote-friendly breed and generally eager to escape
Columbus, or Palm Springs or wherever, in search of penis-friendly anuses
in tropical climes. As part of San Francisco’s first “official” delegation to the continent
of Australia, The Sword understands the need to find unexplored cultural
crevasses, and shall give you regular updates on the pre-Mardi Gras
festivities in our Sister City down under.
Of all the industries to court the gay dollar, alcoholic beverage companies were first in line — and it’s a natural match because fags are all sad drunks in the end (jk!). Earlier, we looked at some print ad atrocities committed by Anheuser-Busch in the name of Bud Light. Now we come to you, after the jump, with some examples from another longtime diet beer marketer in gay publications, Miller Lite. Miller Brewing Companies stepped into the gay fray as early as the 70s as a sponsor of San Francisco Pride festivities, and later as a loyal sponsor of the Folsom Street fair’ sponsorship which they had to quietly backpedal from in 2007 over controversy spawned by a certain Last Supper-themed promotional poster.
In early 2007, the cameras of the Tim and Roma Show went where no pedestrian faggot has gone before: The Lucas Entertainment wardrobe closet. “Look,” Michael sneered at us with dazzling, blinding eye contact not dissimilar from that of the Medusa herself, “I am a gay man and I like beautiful things. Alright? And I happen to have a good taste when it comes to clothes because of many reasons.” Citing his European upbringing and appreciation for fine craftsmanship, he continued. “When a model comes we usually don’t like what they wear, so we have all this racks of clothes as you can see, from t-shirts and casual stuff to more dressy stuff.” His racks were certainly bursting, and now it seems that the director/star (whom once infamously filmed a sex scene inside of Marc Jacobs’ NYC flagship boutique) has decided to clean out his closet to benefit the budgets of future Lucas projects.
When we asked Steve Cruz about his sex life recently, he griped that everyone wanted to ride him raw. “I feel this pressure to bareback,” Steve told us. “In the city of San Francisco, it seems like when I hook up with [non-porn] guys, they’re more likely to push me in that direction.” When he has sex with other performers, however, it tends to be safer since they’re more vigilant about protecting themselves. “Maybe regular guys think I’m disposable because I’m a porn star,” Steve mused.
In the heat of the moment it’s annoying to deal with condoms and there’s always going to be temptation. Since someone’s always trying to stick it in a la carte, we asked Steve for some advice as to how he turns down those rabid dogs.
When Britney Spears was rushed to Cedars-Sinai, Dr. Phil wasn’t the only ambulance-chaser in tow. Indeed, Bobby Trendy, the infamously tragic interior decorator that Anna Nicole Smith once fired (and whose coattails he’s still riding post-mortem), decided to take time out of his steady lipgloss application to hold a candlelight “visual” for the fallen idol outside of the L.A.-area medical center. For those who can’t decode that term, “candlelight visual” evidently refers to the act of holding a candlelight vigil, while physically holding a visual aid, all the while dressed in a belated holiday outfit that may hurt your vision.
All flouncy faggotry aside, Bobby does make a point when he compares Brit-Brit’s plight with the “Anna Nicole saga”. Could this bedazzled z-lister be some type of malapropistic prophet signifying Britney’s end of days?
Click over to TMZ.com for the video.
Has the vivisection that is holiday shopping robbed you of your holiday spirit? With less than a week until we all hunker down at Mom’s, rifle through the medicine cabinet, bogart a bottle of champagne and wake up dazed in a living nativity somewhere down the street, time is running out to get our loved ones what they really want from us. Of course, a porn site membership will successfully impress your gaggle of gay friends, but for your most special partner, nothing says “Season’s Greetings” like reaming him in the ass with a giant red and white candy-cane vibrator! Alright fruitcakes, we give you (after the jump): Our Holiday Wishlist!
You got
over mixing beer with liquor in high school-we know. But there you are at the bar throwing back a handful of
unmarked pills with a severely under-mixed cocktail. Is your lonely homo existence worth so
little? Don’t you want to at least get
through that Vanity Fair piece on
Matthew McConaughy?
We’re no
experts-more like Nurse Ratched than Florence Nightingale-but in honor of the holiday season, we thought
we’d give you a by-no-means-complete list of the fatal gay drug interactions that
killed so many we loved and loved to hate. Stay alive! We want to mock
you.
Their shirts are unbuttoned, their hair is moussed, and their default expression is “Fierce!” They may not tap dance, but the post-Will-and-Grace era has our reality TV schedules filled with stereotypical re-imaginings of actual homosexuals so predictable in their gayface that even Charles Nelson Reilly would have winced. They’re waxed and tweezed and teased and highlighted.
Villa Vizcaya
Miami, FL
November 21-26
Begun as a fundraiser for an HIV/AIDS service organization in 1985, the White Party has become a ginormous dance party at a huge estate called the Villa Vizcaya in Miami Beach. Expect the usual tweakers and a lot of Eurofags in white jeans, but also expect drag queens on stilts with white wings, faggots in feathers, and lots and lots of opportunities for groping pecs and having unsafe sex. As well as safe sex, of course. http://www.whiteparty.org/